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Original poster

Haven't bathed /shower in weeks

301 replies

Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:00

So what it says really I have not bathed or showered in weeks . I have washed as the basin. I had not washed my hair in weeks until about 5 days ago and I just washed it over the side of the bath . The back of my hair was matted . But I kind of covered it with long hair.

This is all linked to a DV situation towards me From a family member. We are getting help now. But I have not been able to leave my kids alone so that I can get a bath/shower. Even when the kids were at school I still didn't. Because I felt like o was permanently on egg shells.

It's been similar with cooking it was either throw in the oven stuff or take aways. Because I could not spend time on the kitchen.

As I said there's some support put in place for that person now. But I'm finding it hard to get out of the mindset that I can't do the simple things.

If anyone recognises my situation. I'm not going into it all . And I won't respond to any judgement or nastiness. I'm not in the right mindset to be dealing with that just now.

I just Need to let things go so that I can do these normal things and stop bring such a scum bag

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 04/08/2023 20:03

Chickenkeev · 04/08/2023 19:46

I watch as much as i can on irish telly (if you can get Reeling in the Years, watch it, it's brilliant) but sometimes Paramount+. Mostly i watch irish politics type telly tho..

I will look for it thank you 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 04/08/2023 22:59

DD slept away at her friends for 2 nights. She's back now. So it's only been me a DS . He's sometimes had his music on really loud as in it vibrates the walls . He also for some reason has his x box really loud . He has really loud speakers and sound bars. DD has 1 Alexa speaker. Her music is not overly loud. She was singing her heart out in her room. And DS just sending me messages telling me to tell her to turn it down. And if it was him I would be having a go at him. When no one ever says anything to him.

I know it sounds petty. But I think its him trying to be controlling

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 04/08/2023 23:24

Not being rude, but DS is being a right dick. Tell him to cop the fuck on. Or turn it down for him.

Original poster
Ted10 · 04/08/2023 23:33

Chickenkeev · 04/08/2023 23:24

Not being rude, but DS is being a right dick. Tell him to cop the fuck on. Or turn it down for him.

To be honest loud music doesn't overly bother me. It's just him trying to control what others do even though he does it himself on a larger scale.

I do need a bigger back bone though. Or it won't ever change but also a pick your battles thing.

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 00:46

Ted10 · 04/08/2023 23:33

To be honest loud music doesn't overly bother me. It's just him trying to control what others do even though he does it himself on a larger scale.

I do need a bigger back bone though. Or it won't ever change but also a pick your battles thing.

Show quote history

I know but feck off you little fecker. You live with people, dems de rules. As he will quickly find when he moves out. So better learn now than then. But you are great so heads up x

SequentialAnalyst · 05/08/2023 02:01

Your DS's behaviour sounds like normal teen behaviour but ramped up. But I don't know how far he oversteps the mark if he loses it.

I don't mind loud music either, in fact I was disappointed when my teenage kids changed from listening to music ambiently though speakers, to wearing headphones. I discovered Coldplay because DS was very into them at the time Smile

SequentialAnalyst · 05/08/2023 02:02

It is also often forgotten how much stronger a teenage boy can be than a woman.

YoBeaches · 05/08/2023 05:05

OP any of his behaviour at the moment will continue to put you on eggshells because of the situation you have been in.

But where you might be able to get help is in setting boundaries and trying new techniques to have more control
Over the house rules.

You have been in survival
Mode for a few weeks, and we've said before whilst help is being offered to home there's nothing in place for you and the others so maybe focus on this next week.

Is he getting any mental health support aswell!

Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 10:40

YoBeaches · 05/08/2023 05:05

OP any of his behaviour at the moment will continue to put you on eggshells because of the situation you have been in.

But where you might be able to get help is in setting boundaries and trying new techniques to have more control
Over the house rules.

You have been in survival
Mode for a few weeks, and we've said before whilst help is being offered to home there's nothing in place for you and the others so maybe focus on this next week.

Is he getting any mental health support aswell!

Hes getting support from CAMHS. family practitioner. He's waiting to do a DV programme. Got social worker as well but she's of no support.

I think the family practitioner is meant to be working with me and DD as well soon. But I don't know when or how that's working.

I wish it had been weeks its been years 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 10:55

SequentialAnalyst · 05/08/2023 02:01

Your DS's behaviour sounds like normal teen behaviour but ramped up. But I don't know how far he oversteps the mark if he loses it.

I don't mind loud music either, in fact I was disappointed when my teenage kids changed from listening to music ambiently though speakers, to wearing headphones. I discovered Coldplay because DS was very into them at the time Smile

I have only posted bits and pieces on this thread is does run deeper . But the more recent stuff is probably me over thinking because I'm constantly thinking where is is going to lead to.

Yeah I don't mind loud music. It's just don't have it loud yourself. Whilst telling others not to.

He actually woke me up twice last night asking me to tell Dd to turn her tv or music down I forgot which
I had to strain my ear to hear anything. I told her because I was to tired to argue. Then he woke me again because he was being noisy in his room moving stuff around abd tidying up 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 11:00

Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 00:46

I know but feck off you little fecker. You live with people, dems de rules. As he will quickly find when he moves out. So better learn now than then. But you are great so heads up x

Show quote history

I'm hoping for a good day. He out with his friends during the day. They are going swimming. Then this evening me and DD are going to the cinema.

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 11:18

Ted10 · 05/08/2023 11:00

I'm hoping for a good day. He out with his friends during the day. They are going swimming. Then this evening me and DD are going to the cinema.

Show quote history

What are ye going to see?

Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 11:42

Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 11:18

What are ye going to see?

Show quote history

Meg 2. Something about sharks. DD choice it. When I booked it . It only had an 8pm showing so had to do that one . They have added more times now. Typical. Never mind though. We will go to ice cream place as well before hand.

My 2 youngest are back from their dad's tomorrow as well so house will be more full.

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 11:56

Ted10 · 05/08/2023 11:42

Meg 2. Something about sharks. DD choice it. When I booked it . It only had an 8pm showing so had to do that one . They have added more times now. Typical. Never mind though. We will go to ice cream place as well before hand.

My 2 youngest are back from their dad's tomorrow as well so house will be more full.

Show quote history

I feel your pain with the kids films. Vivid memories of suffering through my little pony back in the day. Dreadful stuff altogether!

Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 12:04

Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 11:56

I feel your pain with the kids films. Vivid memories of suffering through my little pony back in the day. Dreadful stuff altogether!

Show quote history

🤣 she thinks she has to choose 12+ movies because pgs are now babyish 🤦‍♀️ lease we are out for a bit. That's the main thing

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 12:16

Ted10 · 05/08/2023 12:04

🤣 she thinks she has to choose 12+ movies because pgs are now babyish 🤦‍♀️ lease we are out for a bit. That's the main thing

Show quote history

Enjoy! And stuff your face with all the cinema treats 😁

Polly291869 · 05/08/2023 12:26

Yes, enjoy your night out with DD.

Ice cream and a film, and time alone with each other, is most probably just what you both need. 🍦🎬

#teamTed

Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 12:27

Polly291869 · 05/08/2023 12:26

Yes, enjoy your night out with DD.

Ice cream and a film, and time alone with each other, is most probably just what you both need. 🍦🎬

#teamTed

You said it so much better than me 😍

Polly291869 · 05/08/2023 12:33

Oh, I don't know about that, @Chickenkeev : I'm all for stuffing my face at cinemas!

Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 12:39

Polly291869 · 05/08/2023 12:26

Yes, enjoy your night out with DD.

Ice cream and a film, and time alone with each other, is most probably just what you both need. 🍦🎬

#teamTed

Yes that's more what it's about really. 👍

I am actually debating going out for lunch as its just us. It would break the day up as well.

OP posts:
SequentialAnalyst · 05/08/2023 12:47

tidying up

He tidies up??!! Mine only did this if they were going to have friends over. Their rooms to keep as they wished.

Also, for various reasons, I couldn't keep up with the housework properly. And no-one else seemed to mind a messy house.

Chickenkeev · 05/08/2023 13:04

Polly291869 · 05/08/2023 12:33

Oh, I don't know about that, @Chickenkeev : I'm all for stuffing my face at cinemas!

😂😅😂

itsmyp4rty · 05/08/2023 14:03

Does ds have a diagnosis at all OP? I'm wondering is ASD or ADHD are possibilities? Controlling behaviour would be very common in a child with ASD feeling out of control, loud music etc could be sensory seeking. Just a thought.

Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 14:04

SequentialAnalyst · 05/08/2023 12:47

tidying up

He tidies up??!! Mine only did this if they were going to have friends over. Their rooms to keep as they wished.

Also, for various reasons, I couldn't keep up with the housework properly. And no-one else seemed to mind a messy house.

That's why I couldn't really have a go at him 🤣🤣. and yes because his friends are coming over .

I only slap dash my house lately . Tody probably if somone is coming over which is not often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 05/08/2023 14:10

itsmyp4rty · 05/08/2023 14:03

Does ds have a diagnosis at all OP? I'm wondering is ASD or ADHD are possibilities? Controlling behaviour would be very common in a child with ASD feeling out of control, loud music etc could be sensory seeking. Just a thought.

He gos to CAMHS they have been looking at lots of things. The last I knew of he was slightly below the mark for ADHD. I don't know if that's actually been confirmed as a no he does not have it.

According to social services records.. CAMHS have recently diagnosed emotional disregulation. I don't know what else they are looking at. I don't really get told much to be honest. It's just bits DS tells me himself.

OP posts: