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Original poster

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?

344 replies

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:26

TW, bloody huge gallopy fucking spider.

I was having a nice day. I worked from home, had a nice dinner, settled down to watch a film with nary a care in the World.

During intermission I decided to go to the loo, and somehow managed to not see THIS WANKER until I was on the throne so to speak. She's approximately the size of a labrador.

She's frozen, I'm frozen.

I live here now don't I?

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
LardoBurrows · 29/07/2023 09:38

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 29/07/2023 09:03

Was it me Grin. I have talked about mine quite a lot in here. Game changer isn't it?

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@teaandtoastwithmarmite It may well have been you, I'm sorry I don't remember, I should do, because it certainly is a game changer, I'd never heard of them before seeing them mentioned on here. The thread was last year and the Op (you) helpfully posted a link and that was the one I bought. I'm going to assume it was you and say thank you.🙂

I should say, I don't tend to bother with moving most spiders, cos as plenty of people have stated they keep the fly population down and I hardly get any flies in the house. So any running across the floors tends to get ignored, but those in places where I won't share get relocated.

Truemilk · 29/07/2023 09:41

FFSCarrieBradshaw · 29/07/2023 01:48

I really hate these 'burn the house down', there's a mouse/spider/moth threads.

And then loads of 'hilarious' replies about the ridiculous lengths posters will go to in order to obliterate some small, utterly harmless creature that's just going about its business.

And yes, I do get phobias, but these threads are never about phobias, they're about silly overreactions. Do you think any male-centered forums have blokes queueing up to destroy their living spaces because an invertebrate has inhabited it?

C'mon. They're not going to hurt you.

Yeah, absolutely none of this was hilarious, not even slighlty funny. Just childish and most of the suggestions and stories just down right cruel

throwbacko2 · 29/07/2023 09:43

Lachimolala · 29/07/2023 09:29

You need to keep a can of Indorex in every room, thank me later.

I just googled this and it threw up a thread on here from last year where it was suggested cruel to kill the spiders but absolutely fine to kill fleas.

On the same note so many people will say 'keep the spider, they eat flies' - so dead flies are fair game but not dead spiders?

And, you are contributing to extinction of other wildlife by killing a house spider - one that lives in your house and is therefore not dinner for wildlife anyway.

I wonder if all the people ranting about spider killing juts live with fleas and bedbugs, because you know 'living creatures'

You couldn't make it up.

I'm so scared of spiders I can't even kill them (I wish I could) and it's one of my biggest fears about living alone in my old age.

TaylorTickets · 29/07/2023 09:49

Not much help now, but for the future- spider hoover! It’s like a lightsaber of suction. Keeps you a decent distance away, but allows a catch and release system that means you don’t feel guilty afterwards.

WalnutBlue · 29/07/2023 09:57

I don't like spiders but usually would just catch and release outside.
All these cruel fuckers spraying them, drowning etc, if you are going to kill it do the humane thing and squish or stomp on it you sadists.

Hoppinggreen · 29/07/2023 09:59

Backstreets · 28/07/2023 22:33

I’ve got nothing on, I’ll come over with a bit of kitchen roll and overpower it.

Naked?

HideTheCroissants · 29/07/2023 09:59

You do realise that putting a house spider outside is likely to be killing it anyway? Its normal habitat is a house not the garden!

INeedAnotherName · 29/07/2023 09:59

TaylorTickets · 29/07/2023 09:49

Not much help now, but for the future- spider hoover! It’s like a lightsaber of suction. Keeps you a decent distance away, but allows a catch and release system that means you don’t feel guilty afterwards.

Link please, and how does it cope with mouse sized ones?

Cadburysucks · 29/07/2023 10:08

Doesn’t bother me I love them.

FFSCarrieBradshaw · 29/07/2023 10:18

throwbacko2 · 29/07/2023 09:43

I just googled this and it threw up a thread on here from last year where it was suggested cruel to kill the spiders but absolutely fine to kill fleas.

On the same note so many people will say 'keep the spider, they eat flies' - so dead flies are fair game but not dead spiders?

And, you are contributing to extinction of other wildlife by killing a house spider - one that lives in your house and is therefore not dinner for wildlife anyway.

I wonder if all the people ranting about spider killing juts live with fleas and bedbugs, because you know 'living creatures'

You couldn't make it up.

I'm so scared of spiders I can't even kill them (I wish I could) and it's one of my biggest fears about living alone in my old age.

Show quote history

Of course it's not the same, silly equivalence, the spiders are harming no-one. Bedbugs are harming people.

I use parasitic wasps on clothes moths because they eat my cashmere, likewise, I encourage frogs and birds into my garden because they eat slugs and greenfly. I'm all for biological pest-control, which is what house spiders are, and they're not harming anyone, just going about their business which largely involves avoiding humans.

BashfulClam · 29/07/2023 10:22

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 23:46

Well apparently it's "The Matriarchs flat"

What time shall I expect you?

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I’ll be right over, I was trained as a child by my mum to get them as she was scared of them. I’m convinced these things are mating with foreign specimens. When they escape from food deliveries like bananas etc they can live here as it getting warmer, they are getting waaaaay bigger.

throwbacko2 · 29/07/2023 10:22

@FFSCarrieBradshaw

But people shouting 'it's a living creature' whilst advocating the death of other living creatures?

Stupid really.

Dalekjastninerels · 29/07/2023 10:27

Cadburysucks · 29/07/2023 10:08

Doesn’t bother me I love them.

So do I

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/07/2023 10:34

HideTheCroissants · 29/07/2023 09:59

You do realise that putting a house spider outside is likely to be killing it anyway? Its normal habitat is a house not the garden!

Well it can scuttle off quickly to the neighbours, I will not knowingly share my house with a huge spider!

Hoppinggreen · 29/07/2023 10:36

throwbacko2 · 29/07/2023 10:22

@FFSCarrieBradshaw

But people shouting 'it's a living creature' whilst advocating the death of other living creatures?

Stupid really.

We have a “you kill it you eat it” rule in our house

Lachimolala · 29/07/2023 10:47

throwbacko2 · 29/07/2023 09:43

I just googled this and it threw up a thread on here from last year where it was suggested cruel to kill the spiders but absolutely fine to kill fleas.

On the same note so many people will say 'keep the spider, they eat flies' - so dead flies are fair game but not dead spiders?

And, you are contributing to extinction of other wildlife by killing a house spider - one that lives in your house and is therefore not dinner for wildlife anyway.

I wonder if all the people ranting about spider killing juts live with fleas and bedbugs, because you know 'living creatures'

You couldn't make it up.

I'm so scared of spiders I can't even kill them (I wish I could) and it's one of my biggest fears about living alone in my old age.

Show quote history

Ignore their wittering on, I do. And buy yourself some indorex 😂

toochesterdraws · 29/07/2023 11:41

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 23:28

Uber me that fucker right now please!

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😂🐈

Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 11:43

BarryStyles · 29/07/2023 00:52

Best piece of kit (for next time) is a feather duster - in every room if needed. Poundland do extendable ones I think. Swoosh up the imposter, run to nearest window/external door, and throw the whole feather duster outside. Retrieve it in the morning but do check the imposter has vacated otherwise you’ve invited them in so you can never get rid (or is that vampires?)

This is a fantastic idea and absolutely nobody in this block will have any concerns about me constantly lobbing fluffy javelins with accompanying spider jockeys out the window at them as they go about their business below.

I mean, it's comedy gold though.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 11:45

Lolarosemama · 29/07/2023 01:11

I can only assume you immediately chopped said leg off.

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This indeed was why I was having difficulty with the old 'limbo round the arachnid' technique.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 11:48

Furries · 29/07/2023 02:47

FML. Do some people on here really not see that this is a fairly light-hearted thread?!

I really hate spiders. I have, since living in an old house, learned to (mostly) put up with them. The spindly cellar spiders are allowed to stay, great for a timber-framed home - and they often decimate fuckers like those on OP’s floor. I do have a couple of those fuckers in my house but, TBF, they pop in and out of their hiding places, but run straight back inside when I walk past/stomp my feet. So they have been spared!

However, the OP’s photo makes it look like a newborn compared to a few monsters I’ve had here. I’m getting what I call the body-pop shake just thinking of them!

Sadly, I can’t offer my cat to provide a service as the lazy git just sits on the sofa and ignores them.

As an aside, having RTFT, am I the only one intrigued that OP takes her phone to the loo? Im wondering why - almost finished a candy crush level, checking the weather app for tomorrow, about to order a late night takeaway?

I am way too clumsy to risk taking a phone into the bathroom!

Who doesn't take their phone to the loo? * *

Am I supposed to sit there with my own thoughts? Pay attention to my surroundings?

I shudder at the very thought.

THAT SAID, if I'd taken my book to the loo yesterday I may never have had this problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 11:50

Britintheusa · 29/07/2023 03:24

OP you've made my week, this was lovely... now I'm suddenly wondering if you're my sister 🤔hmmm

If you are my sister then I'll be down the allotment later. Take an extra stool.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 11:51

HappiDaze · 29/07/2023 03:50

So urm where where will you be peeing when you wake up if old leggy is still in the bathroom ?

The other bathroom with the excellent shower curtain.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 11:52

Cariadm · 29/07/2023 04:14

I hate to break this to you but the spider lives in your house/apartment, that's why it's called a 'house spider'...it will probably be a confused male looking for a mate, I say confused because it's so cold atm it probably thinks it's Autumn already!! If you were to put it outside it would die!

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What did they do before houses?

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 11:55

FearTheWankingDead · 29/07/2023 04:27

OP are you alive or did she eat your leg and you bled out?

I'm glad you asked. Yes I am alive, I just decided to have a little sleep whilst Sister Mary Funsponge and the Order of the Infinite judgement had a little romp around the thread.

I woke up with all of my limbs also. Score!

OP posts:
Blackcatsalwaysrock · 29/07/2023 12:09

Look, there’s only one possible name for him/her - Shelob