Do you think you subconsciously judge other mothers' with 2+ fathers to their children?

[mysavinggrace123]

Could potentially have three children by three different fathers. (Already have two by two)

This isn't particularly something I would shout from the roof tops.

There is a part of me that feels I would have a tarnished reputation.

I mean, do I judge women with 2+ (children) fathers myself...?? Hmmm... I can't say I do, but I have definitely been 'surprised' by a few women who I would have never expected.

What do you think?

Yes i’ve known people like this – my father’s gf is one (met long after that horse had bolted but did make a point of telling me she would’ve if she could 🤢)

I think with some people it’s a territorial thing.

I had my first young aged 20. And then second at 23. So for me, still being young, haven't even reached 30, it doesn't seem that unreasonable to consider a third.

It’s not just about what you want though.
You have 2 young children to think about. Do your children have good relationships with their dads? Do their fathers support them financially?

Im saying should I want a third, Middle Parking. Not just because I'm of a ripe age I must have another child. If I had my first aged 35, It may not even be a choice id have

My life would have been considerably poorer without my Dad. Fathers are important. That’s not to say mums can’t raise kids on their own and so it well but don’t dismiss the role of Dad’s.

I would as I don't agree with bringing additional men in to a childs life let alone multiple ones. However, perhaps people would judge me on the fact I've been single since I found out I was pregnant and haven't given DD a more stereotypical family upbringing therefore she will be less able to navigate relationships herself in the future.

Yes… there is no need to keep having children by different men.

As most others have said, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at 2 but more than that and I’d definitely be a bit concerned about the household stability for the children.

A girl I went to school with is now 32 and has 4 children by 4 different men, each around 1 year apart, and has been engaged to all 4 men. She’s a big social media poster and posts every weekend about which ones are away to their dads. Honestly, her life just looks quite chaotic and it looks like the kids barely see each other between school and being at dads on different weekends etc.

I also had a next door neighbour previously (male!) who had 7 kids by 5 women, none of which he took much to do with. I absolutely judged him.

I would have been brought up better if my mum had been a single parent.

Yes being brutally honest I'd likely think they made pretty poor life choices and were prioritising something other than providing a stable family life for their children....and I'd also assume they weren't married if they had more than 2 fathers

Only 1 child does @GrazingSheep

Almost like to seal the deal .

Honestly yes I judge women with 3 plus fathers to their children. I wouldn’t judge 2 no but 3 fathers or more yes I do judge that

@mysavinggrace123

I have never judged a woman for the amount of children or fathers they may have .... their life / their decisions / their children.

I have 2 children (10+ year age gap) with 2 fathers.
People around me know what's happened and why they have 2 fathers.
1 was a cheater & 1 disappeared- literally vanished - never to be seen or heard from again.
I'm not ashamed (I didn't cheat / abandon my children) and if people want to judge me then go right ahead.
I'm sure they have things I could judge them on; but I don't because it doesn't affect me

I'm not totally against another child with someone else either ..... I don't live my life on how people will judge me - I live it to make myself and my children happy

My mum would have been happier as a single parent, but - as she used to say about all kinds of things - "What would the neighbours think?" It's sad that we haven't moved on from this mentality.

I think if there is someone (man or woman) who is single parents to three kids from three different partners and looking for a new LTR that might be a bit red flag and I'd be wary, I might worry they are commitment phobic or can't argue well or something to keep breaking up after the kids arrive.

However if it was someone socially who told me they were having baby 3 and I already knew about their other 2 I wouldn't care I'd just be happy about the baby and that they'd found love again.

Basically I'd judge a potential mate much more harshly than a friend or aquaintance as the latter are no risk to me

Yeah – and I can imagine with some people particularly if there are exes involved.

God yes.
I agree with the majority. 2 is fairly standard these days but more than that just seems so chaotic . I imagine the weekends all the different men collecting different children . I also think that it shows poor judgment on the part of the mother . I've always thought that the decision on who to saddle your child with as their father should be the most important decision even over marriage. I will never understand women who breeze into it with men they've known ten minutes. This is your child's father for life with all the repercussions that's brings.

@Singleandproud Having a stable single parent household is much more beneficial to your child 😊 I’d absolutely applaud you for putting your child first.

I work with a girl who has been at our company for about 18 months and in that time I’ve heard of at least 5 boyfriends and how they look after her child etc. these men are putting her 10year old DS to bed and watching him alone after a few weeks. I definitely judge that!

Children with 2 different mothers/fathers (just to be clear I have the same perception of both men and women) no judgment at all.

When you start getting into 3x3 territory then I wouldn't say I'm instinctively clutching at my pearls, but I would be curious as to why that was the case.

I appreciate there are circumstances beyond people's control. I woman I used to work with was 4 x 3. Her first child she had very young and father never on the scene. Second her DH died in an accident when her child was a toddler. She married again and had a third/fourth with her DH of now over 20 years (afaik they are still together).

I'd think they were after benefits tbh.

That's generally what happens - child maintenance from the first two fathers for a start off.

Having babies to bond with the Dad didn't work the first two times, so why on earth would anything think a third go would be a good idea?

Enjoy the children you have without adding more.

If you've met a nice man and you want a 3rd baby though don't let other peoples opinions put you off!! But hopefully you've had opportunity to heal from and learn from previous relationship break down

One of the school mums has five, with five dads, none of whom she is with (she has just married a new man).

After school drop off she pushes the one in a buggy over for a smoke outside Wetherspoons. I'm not saying I'm definitely judging, but it's quite tempting.

Call me a hypocrite (although I don't think I am) but I absolutely see the whole 'seal the deal thing' it's like catching someone in your Web... I don't know.

Some men and/or women are very territorial indeed

I think it's the area I've grown up in. A lot of women i know are young, single and have babies from different fathers

The new man has also offered to fight at least one of the existing dads, according to her Facebook.

so that’s why you have 2 kids by 2 men already as you wanted to seal the deal?

Its also why you will have a 3rd or even a 4th with more men to ‘keep them’.