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Original poster

Do you think you subconsciously judge other mothers' with 2+ fathers to their children?

338 replies

mysavinggrace123 · 25/07/2023 21:43

Could potentially have three children by three different fathers. (Already have two by two)

This isn't particularly something I would shout from the roof tops.

There is a part of me that feels I would have a tarnished reputation.

I mean, do I judge women with 2+ (children) fathers myself...?? Hmmm... I can't say I do, but I have definitely been 'surprised' by a few women who I would have never expected.

What do you think?

OP posts:
riotlady · 25/07/2023 22:06

2 is fairly normal, 3+ is definitely questionable judgement I think.

As others have pointed out though, usually women with kids by multiple dads are working their arses off raising them all. Dads who have kids with multiple women and fuck off leaving them to do all the work while they pop in once a month or so are MUCH more worthy of judgement.

Polik · 25/07/2023 22:07

The definition of stable means not many changes.

My children are stable because since they were born Mum, Dad and home life has been stable throughout their childhood. Its not changed.

I don't overly judge the parents who don't offer parental stability like that. But I do feel a sorry for the children.

WibblyWobblyJane · 25/07/2023 22:07

On purpose or on accident?

gettingoldisshit · 25/07/2023 22:08

More than two I definitely do judge!

MeinKraft · 25/07/2023 22:09

The only thing I would judge on if kids were close in age is the lack of security for the children, presumably the new fathers are being moved into the home at some stage? I worry for the safety and well-being of children who's parents get into new serious relationships quickly.

SaturdayGiraffe · 25/07/2023 22:09

I would feel sorry for the first child, who has presumably been told several times that this father figure was staying, only to have the rug pulled once more.
Noticing patterns of behaviour is very important for human survival, and when someone repeats a detrimental* pattern, it's not weird to question why they're driven to do that.

  • Perhaps not detrimental to themselves, but to those in their care.

Judging people doesn't help them change or learn though.

MinimalistMe · 25/07/2023 22:09

Polik · 25/07/2023 22:07

The definition of stable means not many changes.

My children are stable because since they were born Mum, Dad and home life has been stable throughout their childhood. Its not changed.

I don't overly judge the parents who don't offer parental stability like that. But I do feel a sorry for the children.

Totally agree with this.

Toobusytoocare · 25/07/2023 22:10

2 different fathers is understandable but anymore I would raise an eyebrow and I would feel the same if it was the Father having more than two children with different Mothers!

drpet49 · 25/07/2023 22:10

Clarabe1 · 25/07/2023 22:05

I don’t like admitting it but under the cover of anonymity- Yes I do. 2 kids with different fathers is ok but if it’s getting to 3 or 4 kids with different Dads I am thinking judgy stuff and not just about the mother - I am thinking the fathers are deadbeats too.

This

Crushed23 · 25/07/2023 22:10

TomatoSandwiches · 25/07/2023 21:55

Yes, I do acknowledge I judge men with multiple mothers to their multiple children much more harshly than mothers with 3 or more fathers, I think women in this position are probably more disadvantaged or surrfering from unresolved trauma of some sorts.
The men are just dogs.

Show quote history

Agree.

I definitely judge the men more.

MiddleParking · 25/07/2023 22:10

Belle96 · 25/07/2023 22:06

So given the above, if I was to want a 3rd which I've always longed for I would be judged, despite no one knowing my circumstances?

Show quote history

It’s not your circumstances the people judging would be thinking of. Also, long term married women are routinely judged for having a third child with the same man, so it’s not like you’re being singled out.

megletthesecond · 25/07/2023 22:11

I'd be impressed with their optimism to keep trying against all odds.

MinnieTruck · 25/07/2023 22:11

Oh I definitely do and it’s not subconscious either!

Like most people on the thread, I really can understand have two kids with two different dads. There’s so many reasons why that may have happened.

However, 3+ kids and they all have different dads? My auntie falls into this category and I even judge her. It just seems rather chaotic you know

Original poster
mysavinggrace123 · 25/07/2023 22:11

I had my first young aged 20. And then second at 23. So for me, still being young, haven't even reached 30, it doesn't seem that unreasonable to consider a third.

OP posts:
miniegg3 · 25/07/2023 22:11

More than 2 definitely, also goes for men too

Annaishere · 25/07/2023 22:12

If you look at lion and polar bear cubs their mums raise them alone and they’re fine without dads. The mum raises a set then others to different males. Human women can do this fine if they have the resources

MiddleParking · 25/07/2023 22:12

mysavinggrace123 · 25/07/2023 22:11

I had my first young aged 20. And then second at 23. So for me, still being young, haven't even reached 30, it doesn't seem that unreasonable to consider a third.

I don’t think that’s how it works.

Chowtime · 25/07/2023 22:12

mysavinggrace123 · 25/07/2023 22:11

I had my first young aged 20. And then second at 23. So for me, still being young, haven't even reached 30, it doesn't seem that unreasonable to consider a third.

What are your thoughts on marriage? Genuine question.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 25/07/2023 22:13

Some people (BJ) feel the need to have children with every new relationship they have .

Jellyx · 25/07/2023 22:13

Yes I do judge.

MiddleParking · 25/07/2023 22:13

Annaishere · 25/07/2023 22:12

If you look at lion and polar bear cubs their mums raise them alone and they’re fine without dads. The mum raises a set then others to different males. Human women can do this fine if they have the resources

It’s not just about the women and how they’ll get on with it.

Cakeandslippers · 25/07/2023 22:13

No, not at all. Really surprised at the responses here.

MinnieTruck · 25/07/2023 22:14

I forgot to add that I also judge the men that are in the same positions!

My uncle has 7 kids. 1 child with one woman, 4 kids with another and 2 with the his current fiancé. Even though he’s a great dad and is very involved with all children. I still think why the fuck did you have so many kids between three different women. It’s just a bit strange to me sorry.

Good luck though!

ZickZack · 25/07/2023 22:14

I do a bit yes even if I also believe it's not my business. As I wouldn't want my children open to potentially be treated differently from their dads, causing resentment / insecurity etc.

Tapasgoofy · 25/07/2023 22:14

100% I judge and I feel sorry for the kids never having a stable up bringing.

It’s trashy.

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