Do you think you subconsciously judge other mothers' with 2+ fathers to their children?

[mysavinggrace123]

Could potentially have three children by three different fathers. (Already have two by two)

This isn't particularly something I would shout from the roof tops.

There is a part of me that feels I would have a tarnished reputation.

I mean, do I judge women with 2+ (children) fathers myself...?? Hmmm... I can't say I do, but I have definitely been 'surprised' by a few women who I would have never expected.

What do you think?

@Echio This!! Best and most reasonable response on here 👏

I think it depends on each specific situation… I know 2 woman who have 3 kids with 3 different men however, one of them, the first bf just left b3cause he couldn’t hack dad life…. She didn’t hear from him again. Another they just grew apart and she’s happily with the 3rd now and about to get married. Perhaps she should have been careful contraception wise however it’s no difference for those who generally have kids by mistake.

id probably more judgemental of those who have a new bloke every week..

Sure they are but they’re not strictly necessary

Tbh, I judge men with multiple kids more.

I would probably judge that, yes. If one of the dads passed away, that'd be very different though.

@mysavinggrace123 only it clearly doesn't catch any men in any kind of web if they're all happy to leave

As a mum of 3 I wouldn't recommend 3 to anyone (clearly I love mine more than anything... Wouldn't change anything... Blah blah).

It's exhausting. And that's with 1 very devoted husband and father.

I can barely find the time, energy and patience to parent them all in the way I think all children deserve to be parented.

There's no way I could be mum and dad to three plus all the extra emotional support that must be required when new relationships are involved etc etc.

So I'd worry less about the judgement and more about that... As someone else has already said, having children is a much bigger consideration than what is right for just you!

(But yes, I'd judge... but I really really wish women in general would take a bit more care choosing the father's of their children).

(Though while I'm wishing, I also wish that deadbeat dad's)bone idle men could fall off the planet and make that choice much easier for women generally).

Alot of children do have the urge to have contact/a relationship with both biological parents. Its not just about our capabilities as women.

I certainly would never judge 2 and its a bit mad that anyone would. 3+ I would try not to but you probably wouldn't be able to stop wondering why especially if the age gaps were all close. The PP about the dude who wanted a child of every race is really bloody disturbing, like an experiment without caring about the emotional welfare of his children and how they deserve to be considered as human lives and not just a collectable to be moved on from once created.

More fool anyone who judges someone on anything apart from their personality. You'll end up with a bunch of sanctimonious arseholes for friends if you did that.

Honestly I think it's far preferable to not bring a child into the world unless the parents have a reasonably stable relationship.

Everyone I know (2 women I can think of) who have 3 kids with 3 fathers there's been some "bad judgement" - affairs, one night stands, general dramatic shenanigans :)

They have both also chosen to continue with pregnancies that would have probably been more sensible to terminate - by which I mean that it was clear in the first trimester that the future was going to be full of parental conflict, stress, and family court dates. I think children deserve better than that.

I do judge. I judge the dads too though!

Judgment will only tell you about the moral compass of the person being judgmental.

It tells you nothing about the person bring judged.

I will judge you. Because that's my moral compass and my right to see things that way.

My judgment doesn't change or affect you at all. You can rise above my judgment, maybe because you have additional information I don't know.

That's how judgment works.

It's a function only about the judger, not the judgee.

After meeting some women's partners, I'm more dismayed that they had three children with the same waste of space. It's one thing to keep making the same mistake with different people. quite another when nothing has actually changed!

Why is it necessary to keep having children with new partners? If two relationships that resulted in children end just stop with those children. No need to keep on and on adding to them.

It's not fair on the existing children and certainly not good for the planet

@Annaishere

‘you look at lion and polar bear cubs their mums raise them alone and they’re fine without dads. The mum raises a set then others to different males. ‘

Thiis is totally inaccurate re lions; lions live in a pride, there are several females , usually sisters, and one male. The lionesses do most of the hunting, and the cubs are cared for by all the females.

If the male is challenged and killed or chased off by another male, the new lion will try to kill the young male cubs in the pride , to ensure his own offspring will prosper.

This is brilliant and I agree!

Sorry I have in the past at someone who had 3 different father's though after dna test later proved was actually 2 dad's even she was really happy as hated idea of 3 kids to 3 different dad's.

I have three children by three partners and have only lived with one.... the last. My ex husband. I have lived and brought up my children by myself since we split when youngest was four (he is now 19)

I have a long term partner who I have never lived with due to not wanting to live with someone again whilst my sons grew up.

I see my adored boys as the only good thing to come out of my troubled teens and twenties where I looked for approval in the wrong places and had rock bottom self esteem.

All boys have unconventional but enduring relationships with their dads and I am the steady Eddie.

I don't judge myself but I have always wondered why some people get scathed for it and other seem to breeze pass unnoticed. For example in TV soap land Stacy has kids from multiple relationships and is judged as poor and trashy. Denise also has kids all over the place and is not judged as trashy. I observe this in real life too.

Ha good point 😂

No, life is complicated and I’ve no idea about the circumstances.

Before MN, I would have judged. Now I’m more likely to start from the assumption that she’s a strong woman who’s had bad luck but isn’t putting up with crap.

I judge the heck out of men who can’t make a decent fist of fatherhood.

Women who have 3+ dad's to their kids but the kids all live with them - no I don't judge at all. Men (or women but ive never known one) like my ex who have 5 kids with 3 different women and don't have any of them for overnights even.... yes I think that's grim

As others have said, 2? No. I wouldn't judge. 3 or more, yes.

I wouldn’t judge 2 by 2. I am often asked if this is our situation as our eldest looks nothing like his dad and we have a large age gap because of secondary fertility.

I don’t think I’d judge 3. You can be unlucky. But by 4…

Two dads seems fine. More than two then yes I would disapprove.