Do you think you subconsciously judge other mothers' with 2+ fathers to their children?

[mysavinggrace123]

Could potentially have three children by three different fathers. (Already have two by two)

This isn't particularly something I would shout from the roof tops.

There is a part of me that feels I would have a tarnished reputation.

I mean, do I judge women with 2+ (children) fathers myself...?? Hmmm... I can't say I do, but I have definitely been 'surprised' by a few women who I would have never expected.

What do you think?

Yes, I do acknowledge I judge men with multiple mothers to their multiple children much more harshly than mothers with 3 or more fathers, I think women in this position are probably more disadvantaged or surrfering from unresolved trauma of some sorts.
The men are just dogs.

This thread makes me so sad, I do have two with two different dads, my second was the love of my life and it still hurts to this day I am on my own with both kids, it makes me sad people would judge me from afar, I never thought my situation/circumstances would be this way!

Yes I do, and I equally judge men who seem to get some sort of thrill from scattering their seed everywhere.. an acquaintance in my wider circle has five children with five different women .. and no, he doesn't financially support any of them ... and some poor delusioned woman is now preparing to marry this man and already expecting his sixth DC.

Most posters have said 2 children 2 fathers is NOT something they would judge.

Not 2, but definitely 3 or 4... you would wonder what keeps going wrong.

It's just life isn't it sometimes, 3 by 3.. maybe 7 by 7! No I'm joking - I absolutely wouldn't judge someone, as a PP said maybe curious to hear the story behind it, but three lovely children that's a blessing, no one's business the circumstances

Not her choices, but I would worry about the stability that the children have in their lives with so many men coming in and out.
However I definitely have more than 2. I can financial and emotionally support them and have enough time for them all and I don't give a fuck that people judge me for that as it's not their life.

It honestly would never occur to me to ‘judge’ this – what is there to judge? Life happens.

More than 2 would get an eyebrow raise from me.
The same would be said of a man having multiple mothers for his children too.

It just seems careless, which in itself is probably quite silly

I do, and I have two by two different fathers. I fell pregnant at 16 when I lost my virginity. It traumatised me so much that I didn't have sex or have a partner again until I was 31. We married and had a baby in my late 30's.

I wouldn’t say I’d judge two, but I do think in the vast majority of cases siblings having a different combination of parents isn’t in their best interests and I’d tell a friend so if she was considering having a child with a partner and one or both of them already had a child. Three is where I would definitely judge.

It's poor judgement and poor life decisions

2 different fathers/mothers is pretty standard these days. Not noteworthy.

3 or more…..it depends on the circs. A wo(man) who is widowed but wants another baby and can provide for it as well as existing children financially and emotionallyshould absolutely have one, for example.

I know someone like this (an ex from my youth as it happens – no, I didn’t have a kid with him!)

I think he actually had some ideological stance on it… like he wanted to have lots of kids with different women and ideally different races (he’s black so not some white supremacist thing).

From what I can tell he’s been quite successful.

It depends. Someone who got married, had a child, was widowed, got re-married and had another child is very different from someone who just had 2 kids to 2 different men she wasn't married to.

Nope. None of my business and you don't know what's happened in that familie's life.

And your response to that is ‘what is there to judge, life happens’?

Theres a lot of assumption here that we need men in our lives

DH and I have DCs from previous marriages, decided to not have any together because of how it would affect our DCs (and having been burnt before!).
I don’t see why some women need to continue having more and more children, as soon as they get in a new relationship, they have to have a baby 🙄.
I know someone’s who’s had 7 DCs with 6 dads - now aged between 20 and 1. She’s happy to admit she’s never been interested in working, so having babies is better for her. Babies are far harder work than a job for me!

a) not necessarily
and
b) why would that be of interest to third parties? Just honestly can’t understand why someone would care or use this kind of detail to try feel superior

I don’t like admitting it but under the cover of anonymity- Yes I do. 2 kids with different fathers is ok but if it’s getting to 3 or 4 kids with different Dads I am thinking judgy stuff and not just about the mother - I am thinking the fathers are deadbeats too.

hmm?

@TomatoSandwiches The point I was trying to make is that you wouldn't know that your apparently childless, respectable-seeming male neighbour/colleague/whatever has fathered children on a series of women, then abandoned them. Whereas Mrs Pramface with a brood of different colour/ differently surnamed kids can hardly pretend to have only had one lover. So the woman is judged in spite of doing all the parenting, while the man gets off scot free. Sure we'd all judge him if we knew what he was up to, but he makes sure we don't.

When I was having children I thought about what they needed in their lives.

So given the above, if I was to want a 3rd which I've always longed for I would be judged, despite no one knowing my circumstances?