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Original poster

Do you think you subconsciously judge other mothers' with 2+ fathers to their children?

338 replies

mysavinggrace123 · 25/07/2023 21:43

Could potentially have three children by three different fathers. (Already have two by two)

This isn't particularly something I would shout from the roof tops.

There is a part of me that feels I would have a tarnished reputation.

I mean, do I judge women with 2+ (children) fathers myself...?? Hmmm... I can't say I do, but I have definitely been 'surprised' by a few women who I would have never expected.

What do you think?

OP posts:
meemawww · 26/07/2023 11:46

Annaishere · 26/07/2023 11:08

Re south Manchester estate woman. She could not work without having more kids if she was determined

Who would employ her though by the sounds of it she's an absolute horror bag?

GreyCarpet · 26/07/2023 11:55

Annaishere · 26/07/2023 11:44

@WeetabixTowels agree 100 %

Me too!

GodspeedJune · 26/07/2023 12:03

I only judge in the sense of feeling sorry for the children.

I have a neighbour who was pregnant with Dad 1s baby when moving in a new partner. A second baby with Dad 2. Dad 2 moved out and a few days later new man moves in. Now posting on Facebook about her fertility struggles and wanting a big family.

Another neighbour has 2 children by two men, a revolving door of different men and seems like fractious relationships with lots of arguing in public.

I can honestly say if I split with DP the last thing on my mind would be dating, let alone adding more children.

Meadowflower2023 · 26/07/2023 13:33

Comedycook · 26/07/2023 11:21

I actually have a theory that women with multiple kids feel more compelled to have a baby with a new partner because of her existing kids...what I mean is she is bringing a man into a family unit yet he has no biological ties to that unit so has no real obligation. She feels like if he is being thrown into this family set up she needs to provide a biological obligation for him to stay so she gets pregnant...and it becomes a cycle.

I think you have a fair point here. It's a shame really that some women can't seem to be in a new relationship without adding a new child into the mix to 'cement' it.

Echio · 26/07/2023 19:16

GreyCarpet · 26/07/2023 08:39

People may not set out to have multiple marriages/relationships but they don't have to have children with each partner do they?

I agree.

Hpwever, I used to work in Child Protection where, as you might imagine, there are many parents with their own issues, from abusive childhoods, with unresolved trauma etc. And I now work in education where I also see/know a lot of different family set ups.

IME, many of the women who do this are desperate to be loved and desperately searching for their happy ever after. They believe that this (or the next) man will be the answer to their problems. They want to give him a child so that he feels part of the family; to 'validate' the relationship; to show the world that they can make a relationship work. They equate being in love and having a relationship with having a baby together. And/or they simply don't have many other options available to them (in their eyes).

Being a mother is who and what they are and no one has ever suggested, and they don't have the capacity to realise for themselves, that they deserve more than this. Nevermind the children.

A hell of a lot of truth in this post - and kindly written, thank you.

Lampzade · 26/07/2023 19:21

There is a singer who has four different fathers for four children. She is now pregnant with her fifth child from another man
Yes, I judge her

crossedwood · 26/07/2023 19:41

Lampzade · 26/07/2023 19:21

There is a singer who has four different fathers for four children. She is now pregnant with her fifth child from another man
Yes, I judge her

Got to be Natasha Hamilton. Jesus wept

Yea2023 · 26/07/2023 20:11

I rem watching a Karen Matthews documentary where police said they had hell doing a family tree cos of all the different kids/dads.

x2 I’m not phased by. Over that I really try not to judge but seriously feel it for the kids.

A little while ago a thread went viral where a dad turned up with McDonald’s for his child who came out to eat leaving x amount indoors.

Where x2 exist the DC can often be treated the same (mind you Step parents thread…) but over that it must be near on impossible.

I wonder how many kids are watching their siblings being taken on holiday/theme parks etc while their own dad is crap/on missing list?

For the record, when talking about BJ I always used his 8by3 (as far as we know) as an example of who and what he is… No one else with that record would have been voted PM.

Esp conservative family values…

Fordian · 26/07/2023 20:41

I recall Robert Winston in the cancelled 'Child of our Times' series, re kids born in was it 2000?

He privately noted the issues one poor boy faced; and attributed them to the fact the mum had 5-6 kids by 5-6 different men.

The production company via professionals suggested interventions she might make to help her struggling son, but he recognised the real issue.

Some dads were involved, days out, gifts (Disney?); others weren't.

Your judgement is at stake if you have multiple kids via multiple, long-gone men.

Thus, sorry, I judge.

heartofglass23 · 26/07/2023 22:22

Some right nasty vipers on this thread.

I already said I was upset but several posters still made the time to make me feel even more like a piece of shit on their shoe.

I pity the children with those kind of mothers.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/07/2023 22:34

heartofglass23 · 26/07/2023 22:22

Some right nasty vipers on this thread.

I already said I was upset but several posters still made the time to make me feel even more like a piece of shit on their shoe.

I pity the children with those kind of mothers.

No one has a responsibility to your feelings, no one has made you read this thread.
Take some accountability for yourself instead of blaming the world around you for how you feel, no one's judgement can affect you if you don't allow it, many others here have said the equivalent.
We are all judged by others for many different things, you are no different.

Sometimeswinning · 26/07/2023 22:45

heartofglass23 · 26/07/2023 22:22

Some right nasty vipers on this thread.

I already said I was upset but several posters still made the time to make me feel even more like a piece of shit on their shoe.

I pity the children with those kind of mothers.

That's not how it works. You need to hide this thread and help yourself.

GreyCarpet · 26/07/2023 22:52

heartofglass23 · 26/07/2023 22:22

Some right nasty vipers on this thread.

I already said I was upset but several posters still made the time to make me feel even more like a piece of shit on their shoe.

I pity the children with those kind of mothers.

You are choosing to continue reading.

You are responsible for managing your own feelings. No one else.

I don't know your circstances but it sounds to me as though opinions have been expressed which ring a little too close to home for you and you are, in fact, judging yourself.

Take responsibility for your feelings and your choices and seek support, if necessary, away from the thread but you cannot expect other people to not reasonably discuss a subject because you find it uncomfortable.

Calling people names and pitying other posters' children is not going to help you in any respect.

Yea2023 · 26/07/2023 22:59

heartofglass23 · 26/07/2023 22:22

Some right nasty vipers on this thread.

I already said I was upset but several posters still made the time to make me feel even more like a piece of shit on their shoe.

I pity the children with those kind of mothers.

Why are you upset?

The OP asked a question, others are responding.

We don’t know you, or is it that you think ppl hold such opinions about you directly?

You don’t have to care about what others think.

Maybe hide the thread if it’s upsetting?

ladygindiva · 26/07/2023 23:02

heartofglass23 · 26/07/2023 22:22

Some right nasty vipers on this thread.

I already said I was upset but several posters still made the time to make me feel even more like a piece of shit on their shoe.

I pity the children with those kind of mothers.

I agree

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 26/07/2023 23:20

I have 3 DC by 3 different fathers. The first was highly abusive and I left when DC was a baby, no contact since. The second was a 10yr relationship/marriage, ExH raised DC1 as his own and still does. The third is the love of my life and my eldest DC adore him, they have a brilliant relationship.

I'd be pissed off if I was judged for leaving a man that nearly killed me, then going on to have more DC within stable and loving relationships.

Hibiscrubbed · 26/07/2023 23:28

Can someone explain the need to have a child to ‘seal the deal’ with each man, as alluded to by the OP and some other posters.

Oatycookies · 26/07/2023 23:38

No-one is judging women for leaving abusive relationships, it’s about people that go on and keep having kids with not one but two, three or more men.

Just because you’ve left a bad relationship doesn’t mean you have to A. start a new one while the kids are young and B. have a child with them.

people may not say to your face but tbh I think most people do feel women with multiple (more than two) fathers to their children lack judgement, good sense and self control for the many reasons stated in this thread.

Karen398 · 26/07/2023 23:43

No of course not

WeetabixTowels · 27/07/2023 00:06

Oatycookies · 26/07/2023 23:38

No-one is judging women for leaving abusive relationships, it’s about people that go on and keep having kids with not one but two, three or more men.

Just because you’ve left a bad relationship doesn’t mean you have to A. start a new one while the kids are young and B. have a child with them.

people may not say to your face but tbh I think most people do feel women with multiple (more than two) fathers to their children lack judgement, good sense and self control for the many reasons stated in this thread.

Agree with this.

Why such need to have a child in every new relationship?

Underminer · 27/07/2023 00:14

No I wouldn’t.

AuntMarch · 27/07/2023 00:23

I think I only know one woman well who has 3 by 3. I hate to say I do judge her.

The bit I actually judge her for though is that the "current" dad is an absolute AH, treats her older child very differently to the middle (who doesn't know bio dad), cheats on her all the time, runs up debt... but she tolerates it all because she can't bare to be the single mum with 3 by 3 at such a young age. I'd have a lot more respect for if she was single and actually put her kids first for once.
I feel for her, there must be some reason she's felt the need to have babies with at least 2 losers (very young when she had first, they co parent well, not really a surprise they didn't work out being the ages they were though), but still cant help but judge.

YourMommaWasASnowblower · 27/07/2023 00:30

I think it depends on circumstances.
I know a woman who had a child with someone she was casually dating and then a 2nd child with a married man she was having an affair with. I judge her.

ConsuelaHammock · 27/07/2023 00:32

Yes and I wouldn’t have touched a man who had multiple children with multiple women.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/07/2023 00:37

Hibiscrubbed · 26/07/2023 23:28

Can someone explain the need to have a child to ‘seal the deal’ with each man, as alluded to by the OP and some other posters.

I've wondered this, too.

Can't even imagine the chaos and confusion of kids in these "families" with mutliple bio-sires and half-siblings and step-siblings etc etc. It's really sad and so unnecessary. Every bio-urge need not be gratified.