Do you think you subconsciously judge other mothers' with 2+ fathers to their children?

[mysavinggrace123]

Could potentially have three children by three different fathers. (Already have two by two)

This isn't particularly something I would shout from the roof tops.

There is a part of me that feels I would have a tarnished reputation.

I mean, do I judge women with 2+ (children) fathers myself...?? Hmmm... I can't say I do, but I have definitely been 'surprised' by a few women who I would have never expected.

What do you think?

Wonder how many people who would judge a woman

..also voted for Boris Johnson?

I judge and I've never voted for that knob. He's a disgrace.

They can hide it much more easily. You would never know my ex husband kids he doesn't see. He sells himself as a hardworking, decent, family man.

I can't read this thread because I know I'll get upset.

I stayed with someone I didn't love and had a toxic relationship with because I didn't want judged as 3x3.

Hope all the haters are happy that they've made at least one life miserable.

3 or more I would probably judge both women and men with children to 3 or more mothers.

Ha ha never !

Leaving a toxic relationship doesn't oblige you to have a third child with a third man.

If you're having multiple children with multiple men in a short timespan, then something needs to be looked at. If you had one at 17, one at 27 and one at 35 then it's not the same.

It was you that said it didn’t seem unreasonable to consider a third with another man because you’re under 30. Your age has nothing to do with it (I’m also under 30, have two kids with my husband and wouldn’t consider more because, among other reasons, I think it would stretch us too thinly for the kids we already have). One of your kids already has one absent parent and watches their sibling have an involved father, that must be really painful. I don’t know why you would even be thinking about sharing your resources out further.

I don't think it is always subconscious. And yes there is a double standard as anyone who supported Boris Johnson knew about the number of women who he has had children with.

Give over. Anyway that makes no sense at all. Leaving your second child’s father and having a third with another are two separate things.

I only sort of personally know one person in this situation. She has 5 from 4. Two of her young adult daughters already have 2 from 2. I don't judge them as such, but I feel sad for them.

So true. My ex completely forgot he was a father of at least two children ( that I know about) who are now adults that I and DC have never met. Now divorced.

I would judge. I also judge men who have kids with different women. Why complicate your kids lives like that?

I have dc with 2 different fathers. But I'd probably privately judge in situations with more than 3, though I'd never show it. I just know I was able get out of a DV relationship and build my self esteem to be able to develop a healthy relationship with men, so I know it's possible. But then I also judge women who stay in relationships that are toxic or abusive and have multiple dc with the same loser just because they want to paint a picture of a normal family life.

I am a mother of three with three different dads.

I had a bad childhood and went for crap men.

Child one was born into a short term abusive relationship in my early 20s.

Child 2 another short relationship a couple of years later, was young and easy to manipulate and he told me he couldn't have children.

Met my current partner 7 years ago when my youngest was 1, we have a wonderful, respectful relationship. He's an amazing step father to my children. And we have a 1 year old.

I'd have to say don't judge until you walk in someone else's shoes, as you don't know their story. But I know it's very easy to make presumptions and we are only human.

Just try your best to be kind!

I have two children by two men.

I had first when I was 24. He cheated on me when I was pregnant and has never even met his son. I obviously chose badly! But I didn't know that at the time. I didn't know he had cheated until my son was 6 when I also discovered son has a half sister 4 months younger than him.

I got together with my husband when my son was 2. He raised and loved my son as his own. We had a child 5 years later. He also had an affair eventually but has remained a reasonable co-parent and a good dad to both children for the past 12 years.

I carry no shame for any of that. I'm the one who stayed. I'm the one who brought them up. I'm the one who made the co-parenting relationship work for the benefit of the children. I'm the one who prioritises the children in my life. I'm the one who stayed single for the first 10 of those 12 years to ensure my children's emotional safety and stability. If someone wants to judge me negatively for that, it says more about them than it does me 🤷🏻‍♀️

(Disclaimer - I'm not judging women who get into other relationships by saying I stayed single. We had a lot of other family shit going on at the time and I felt my children needed peace and stability).

It’s a pattern of self harming behaviour that looks to be passed on.

People have different values. To me it's better to offer children a stable home with both mum and dad in it. A lot of mums don't consider this as important, it's more important how they are feeling/what they want. I judge them a little but mainly as selfish more than anything.

No, but I judge quality of parenting.

Locally we have a lovely mum with four dcs across about 12 years. She's single, runs her own business, the dcs are obviously loved, well behaved, clean & tidy and a strong family unit who seem to like each other.

The second lady, four dcs across 6 or 7 years. The last time I walked past her house, she was standing chatting on her doorstep while her two eldest used a tree branch to try to smash the glass in the parish notice board, right in front of her. I could feel myself turning into my mother 😀

Yes but for dads too

Errrr, ..... and how do you know it wasn't the man who walked away, leaving the woman holding the baby. Not her choice at all.

But then she'd still have to go on to have a baby with another man to fit OP's scenario.

@GreyCarpet

I am in a very similar situation with my two children and I couldn't agree with you more. My first partner left when I was pregnant with my son and then I met my now exH when he was a baby. I was with him for 8 years before he cheated on me and left me for another woman. In that time we had our daughter.

None of this impacts who I am as a person and to be honest I am quite disgusted at the amount of judgment on this thread. I haven't had a third child but the two I do have are well cared for, well travelled and in some ways have a better life with me than some of their friends!

I'm sick of people that judge. Plenty of people that I know are unhappily married, arguing in front of their kids, dad might be abusive or drink a lot. In my opinion that's worse. Honestly some of you on here make me sick with your pious, ignorant views.

Gosh this thread is an eye opener.

I've got 2x dc with different fathers. Had my first in my early 20s and the dad left me for someone else never to be seen or heard from again. Been with my now dh for 15 years and we have a child together. 6 year age gap between dc. I've a done good of raising both children they are loved and have brilliant lives. I don't broadcast it that they have different fathers because I know that people will see me in a different light.

Would people really judge me?

I must admit I've been hypocrite in life but I've since met some amazing people in step/blended families. It's not always a shambles.