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Original poster

Friend has blocked me and ended friendship

111 replies

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 18:19

My best friend of 8 years has suddenly blocked me on everything; I now have no means of communicating with her.
This was done with no warning and I had no clue why. I went to her house to try to find out and she explained that I had hurt her so she blocked me.
We work at the same place; Friday was my last day as I have a new job. All was fine. She explained that a member of senior staff had told her I was talking behind her back, making fun of her and generally not being a friend.
None of this is true. Whilst at her house she wouldn’t tell me who had said such things and wouldn’t believe me when I denied it. Her husband then weighed in on the conversation stating that seeing as we no longer work at the same place he couldn’t see why we would want to stay friends.
I am heartbroken that she could so easily cut off a long and close friendship without talking to me about it and that I have no way of trying to resolve this as I have no means of communicating with her.
WWYD?

OP posts:
Enko · 28/07/2023 00:25

Op it is a type of bereavement you have lost someone important to you. It takes time to adjust to. Its one year since my best friend did this to me
Cut me off and honestly I still miss her but due to other things that has happened I also know now I could not restart the friendship if she reached out. Trust has gone.

Could you trust her again. Having droppes you without talking to you to get your side?

Take some time to allow yourself to feel the loss. I sometimes find myself having conversations with my friend in my head about what happened. It helps me digest it. I no longer get sad about it I've accepted it.

I miss my friend though. A lot.

GoodChat · 28/07/2023 06:45

Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 00:18

I went to the nail salon we always go to together today; they were in disbelief when I told them she no longer wanted contact with me.
the main problem now is that so many people knew us as best friends and I hope they do not believe her untrue version of events

This has made me think maybe she's right and you do gossip about her behind her back...

Stop talking to others about her!

MayThe4th · 28/07/2023 06:58

GoodChat · 28/07/2023 06:45

This has made me think maybe she's right and you do gossip about her behind her back...

Stop talking to others about her!

Show quote history

This. “The nail salon” it’s such a cliche.

I would be interested in the other side of this story. Because it’s so easy to come on here and to paint yourself as the poor victim, the disbelief, not having done anything wrong, but it’s almost never that black and white.

I wonder what the friend would have written if she started a thread, “AIBU to cut my friend off after finding out she’s constantly talking about me behind my back,”?

You need to be honest with yourself here. You’re never going to give people here the real story likely E cause you don’t want to hear the truth about how your friend has been right to end a friendship.

But you know the reasons why she’s ended it. You likely can’t apologise to her because it’s probably happened so often that she’s reached the final straw, but it can make you reflect on your behaviour regarding future friendships.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
readbooksdrinktea · 28/07/2023 07:09

Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 00:18

I went to the nail salon we always go to together today; they were in disbelief when I told them she no longer wanted contact with me.
the main problem now is that so many people knew us as best friends and I hope they do not believe her untrue version of events

You unfortunately just proved her point, OP. Why say anything about it to them?

AProlificNameChanger · 28/07/2023 07:17

MayThe4th · 24/07/2023 19:37

TBH I don’t think there is a way. Because there’s no way for her to know what is true and what isn’t.

I’m not of the blocking persuasion personally, but if someone told me that a friend had been talking about me behin my back I would distance myself. And even if they swore it wasn’t true there would always be that doubt and the friendship would never be the same.

You just need to accept that the frendship is over. Because even if you can talk to her there is always going to be a doubt in her mind.

See that’s the thing. That’s how manipulative people get away with things, they plant a seed of doubt and then nothing ever stays the same and the person who is innocent gets blamed for no reason. I’ve had experiences where I was accused for no reason for things I haven’t said or done because another person was jealous and once that doubt seeps in, it’s difficult to get that relationship back.

IncognitoMam · 28/07/2023 10:35

Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 00:18

I went to the nail salon we always go to together today; they were in disbelief when I told them she no longer wanted contact with me.
the main problem now is that so many people knew us as best friends and I hope they do not believe her untrue version of events

No way! Can't you see what's wrong in this? She's well rid.

RaidFlySpray · 28/07/2023 10:44

Similar thing happened to me about six years ago. She was so not the type to do it either, and the reason she gave people for blocking me on everything was so bizarre and ridiculous and so obviously untrue. I have my suspicions now about why she did it, but will never be sure because we will never speak again.
She was such a good and lovely friend. Our lives have changed so much since we last spoke, and I still have dreams about her. We were friends since before I can remember. It's a different kind of grief to when my marriage ended, but no less painful.

Wenfy · 28/07/2023 10:54

Some people do behave less well with work friends. I experienced this - my workplace at the time I made those friends were toxic, I was bullied, and the people I thought were my friends remained silent. I initially thought it was because they were scared of losing their jobs and accepted it - but it turned out they were all stoking the fire with managers and saying some pretty horrible things about me (I found this out through another person).

They were talking so much shit about me, my husband, my infertility - things I’d told them in confidence so I knew it came from them.

I finally had enough with the workplace, got a huge promotion into a highly profile role - same company, different function, and when I left I cut off all of them.

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 11:50

IncognitoMam; could you explain your comment? Why is she well rid? Do you think this is acceptable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 11:51

The nail salon asked and I simply said she didn’t want to have contact with me; nothing else and no details. I moved the conversation on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 11:59

For all the people accusing me of gossiping behind her back I have never done this. I’m still so vulnerable and did not want the issue of ‘where is your friend’ every time I go to have my nails done. I can’t talk to anyone IRL without crying at the moment as it is so raw. I didn’t want to sit there for an hour whilst they chatted away asking about her and me being in tears. I even went to another branch to avoid bumping into her but the staff move between branches.
It was the first time I’ve gone without her in years so it was a big step and obvious to them something was wrong.
I accept that some people will always believe ‘there’s another side’ to my post but there really isn’t. I genuinely was seeking help and perspective on this and thank those of you who have helped me through the past few days with kindness.

OP posts:
IncognitoMam · 28/07/2023 12:43

Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 11:50

IncognitoMam; could you explain your comment? Why is she well rid? Do you think this is acceptable?

You had no right discussing it with them. There's plenty of other nail salons.

BlastedIce · 28/07/2023 12:46

Gensola · 24/07/2023 19:24

This happened to me - a senior manager in a school I worked in told a friend of mine who I had been close to since Uni days that I had “stopped them being shortlisted” for several jobs by bitching about them. It was a total lie and I think was just the manager covering themselves for not pushing them on but my friend believed them. We haven’t spoken now in 4.5 years. There was literally no truth to the allegations whatsoever.

How awful

BlastedIce · 28/07/2023 12:47

OP is write a letter (or email if you’ve not been blocked), one last attempt then walk away.

BlastedIce · 28/07/2023 12:49

IncognitoMam · 28/07/2023 12:43

You had no right discussing it with them. There's plenty of other nail salons.

Show quote history

OP can discuss what she likes, who is to say she can’t?

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 12:51

IncognitoMam I have been going there long before my friend and do not feel the need to avoid a place when I am the one who has been effectively ghosted for no legitimate reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 12:53

I have emailed but sadly no reply. My conscience is clear that I have tried to discuss the allegations but for whatever reason she longer sees me as part of her needs. X

OP posts:
BlastedIce · 28/07/2023 13:30

Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 12:53

I have emailed but sadly no reply. My conscience is clear that I have tried to discuss the allegations but for whatever reason she longer sees me as part of her needs. X

Sorry to hear that, but now just move on. No more energy on this

IncognitoMam · 28/07/2023 16:18

Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 12:51

IncognitoMam I have been going there long before my friend and do not feel the need to avoid a place when I am the one who has been effectively ghosted for no legitimate reason.

Can you trust them not to say anything to her? You say you want her friendship but honestly if they say we heard you've fallen out with Jelly there's no way she'll be friends. And she'll believe the boss was right.

GoodChat · 28/07/2023 16:28

Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 11:51

The nail salon asked and I simply said she didn’t want to have contact with me; nothing else and no details. I moved the conversation on.

Now the next time she goes they'll ask her and she'll know you've been talking about her.

You could have said "oh she didnt fancy it today" or "I haven't spoken to her in a little while as I got a new job" or anything that didn't tell them there was drama.

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 16:55

The man n issue is that I do t lie; never have. I’m a very honest person and it takes a long time to trust someone. I feel that she is the one that has created this issue and I’m not happy telling lies with regard to why she no longer goes with me.
the nail salon is not the issue, the sudden end to a long friendship is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 16:56

I did not talk about her, I said that she no longer wanted to go with me.

OP posts:
decaffonlypls · 28/07/2023 17:15

I've had friends that have walked away when circumstances have changed and they no longer need the friendship. Equally I sometimes left a job or course and not made an effort to stay in touch.

The way it's happened isn't nice tho. It feels like she was happy to believe it and walk away. I'd say you are better off.

BlastedIce · 28/07/2023 17:21

GoodChat · 28/07/2023 16:28

Now the next time she goes they'll ask her and she'll know you've been talking about her.

You could have said "oh she didnt fancy it today" or "I haven't spoken to her in a little while as I got a new job" or anything that didn't tell them there was drama.

Show quote history

So what if she knows she’s being talked about, she’s really made herself a topic of conversation.

OPs got nothing to lose anyway.

Goatymum · 28/07/2023 17:25

This happened to me once and I never found out why. It was a very close 12-year friendship through late teens to early 30s. It’s been 20 years and I still think about it coz we did so much together - we are FB friends now but that’s it (and she’s not on it much).