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Original poster

Friend has blocked me and ended friendship

111 replies

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 18:19

My best friend of 8 years has suddenly blocked me on everything; I now have no means of communicating with her.
This was done with no warning and I had no clue why. I went to her house to try to find out and she explained that I had hurt her so she blocked me.
We work at the same place; Friday was my last day as I have a new job. All was fine. She explained that a member of senior staff had told her I was talking behind her back, making fun of her and generally not being a friend.
None of this is true. Whilst at her house she wouldn’t tell me who had said such things and wouldn’t believe me when I denied it. Her husband then weighed in on the conversation stating that seeing as we no longer work at the same place he couldn’t see why we would want to stay friends.
I am heartbroken that she could so easily cut off a long and close friendship without talking to me about it and that I have no way of trying to resolve this as I have no means of communicating with her.
WWYD?

OP posts:
continentallentil · 24/07/2023 18:25

I would send her a card saying that you love her dearly and any suggestion you were talking behind her back is total BS - and you hope she’ll realise that and you can resume comms.

Give it a month or two, after that forget it.

Unless she’s normally a drama lama in which case let it be

IhearyouClemFandango · 24/07/2023 18:26

Had you said anything that could be misconstrued?

I would send a note explaining your side, and then leave her to it. You can’t do anything else, she has expressed her wishes and they need to be respected.

drpet49 · 24/07/2023 18:37

So she believes a senior staff member over her friend of 8 years. She’s an idiot then and I would leave her to it.

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 18:57

I’m so upset; it feels like a bereavement! The hardest part is feeling like I didn’t have the opportunity to properly talk to her. If the friendship is over due to the words of someone else I accept that the hard truth is she is not the best friend she always claimed to be. I think it’s the total inability I have to properly talk to her or even draw closure.
I have helped her so much over the years and this feels so hurtful.

OP posts:
Anothernamethesamegame · 24/07/2023 19:03

Do you think what she told you is true? Or do you think it’s a made up story because she doesn’t want to say the truth?

Personally I think you should walk away. I know it will be hard, loosing an important friendship is incredibly hard. However you’ve visited her home, she made it clear she wasn’t interested in hearing your side, so I’m not sure any thing else you do will be effective.

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:10

I did wonder that now I have left the job I am no more use to her. I always helped her in her aspirations with regard to promotion etc
It always took a lot for me to trust someone as a true friend and I thought she was it. After 8 years I can’t believe it’s literally come to an end so abruptly.

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 24/07/2023 19:15

Definitely walk away. She doesn't sound like much of a friend x

MayThe4th · 24/07/2023 19:16

I always wonder what the other side is to these posts.

Obviously no-one here knows you or your friend, but the reality is that if someone posted here that they were hurt because they’d found out that their best friend of eight years had been slagging them off behind their back, the unanimous response would be that she was obviously not a friend and to block.

Be honest with yourself, have you said anything to anyone which could be misconstrued? Because it seems unlikely that someone would just tell someone else that their friend had been slagging them off. And the truth is that there’s no way for the friend of knowing it’s not true. Once you’ve been told you’ve been betrayed there will always be doubt there.

GoodChat · 24/07/2023 19:17

Did she tell you what you are supposed to have said?

BiscuitsandPuffin · 24/07/2023 19:21

I am absolutely not saying this is the case here but the four times in life I've been totally cut off by people I thought were good friends who just suddenly switched off the friendship like this for a perceived or imagined slight without even trying to talk to me about it or anything, every single one of them had a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. It was like I was dead to them. I'm now more guarded around people with that disorder because I've been hurt so many times.

My sympathies to you, OP, it's really not nice when you suddenly get cut off like this and people who have never experienced this will assume you did something when you didn't necessarily.

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:23

She was told that I had been laughing behind her back; that I had said to our boss that she wasn’t capable of taking on a particular role and that I had said she was bipolar. Absolutely none of which are true.
MayThe4th, I can understand why you would raise the question but I have absolutely never spoken badly of her. We have confided in each other, laughed, cried and helped each other.
I just cannot understand why she would block me and need to know how to properly sort this out.
I am desperate; it’s made me ill

OP posts:
Gensola · 24/07/2023 19:24

This happened to me - a senior manager in a school I worked in told a friend of mine who I had been close to since Uni days that I had “stopped them being shortlisted” for several jobs by bitching about them. It was a total lie and I think was just the manager covering themselves for not pushing them on but my friend believed them. We haven’t spoken now in 4.5 years. There was literally no truth to the allegations whatsoever.

Anothernamethesamegame · 24/07/2023 19:25

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:23

She was told that I had been laughing behind her back; that I had said to our boss that she wasn’t capable of taking on a particular role and that I had said she was bipolar. Absolutely none of which are true.
MayThe4th, I can understand why you would raise the question but I have absolutely never spoken badly of her. We have confided in each other, laughed, cried and helped each other.
I just cannot understand why she would block me and need to know how to properly sort this out.
I am desperate; it’s made me ill

Have you asked the senior manager? I’d be tempered to ask her why she had lied.

Danikm151 · 24/07/2023 19:26

a friendship ending can feel like a big loss but sometimes it takes it ending to realise it wasn’t a friendship.

let her have her opinion- you know the truth

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/07/2023 19:28

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:23

She was told that I had been laughing behind her back; that I had said to our boss that she wasn’t capable of taking on a particular role and that I had said she was bipolar. Absolutely none of which are true.
MayThe4th, I can understand why you would raise the question but I have absolutely never spoken badly of her. We have confided in each other, laughed, cried and helped each other.
I just cannot understand why she would block me and need to know how to properly sort this out.
I am desperate; it’s made me ill

There's more too this.

Either you've been upsetting her inadvertently and she's too unskilled with communication to let you know? She's done something to you like kiss your boyfriend and he gave her an ultimatum? You can tear your hair out looking for answers but sadly no closure is closure, you will need to look elsewhere from her for healing and friendship x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/07/2023 19:28

If you reallly are curious you could call the manager after you have got your reference, but unlikely that you'll get a shred of truth

ChChChangeIsAfoot · 24/07/2023 19:30

Do you think what she told you is true? Or do you think it’s a made up story because she doesn’t want to say the truth?

I think it sounds like this. Maybe she’s just peeved you’ve left and finds keeping in touch with previous friends who were colleagues difficult. Whatever the reason, don’t go round there again, or post anything. She’s made her decision and you are unlikely to change it. Sorry, it must be painful to be treated like that. Flowers

GoodChat · 24/07/2023 19:31

If she's going to stay working there she's going to believe the manager for her own sanity.

Just leave her be now. No communication. Respect her decision even if you don't like or agree with it.

Newshoess · 24/07/2023 19:31

Post a letter at least you can get it off your chest. It seems odd to block without hearing your side. How close is your friend with the other person?

MistyMorningMelons · 24/07/2023 19:33

Do you think her husband could have any part in this? I.e maybe the work story is nonsense and it's him who doesn't want her seeing you?

GoodChat · 24/07/2023 19:34

Newshoess · 24/07/2023 19:31

Post a letter at least you can get it off your chest. It seems odd to block without hearing your side. How close is your friend with the other person?

I don't think it's fair on the friend to post a letter. She's made it clear that for her the friendship is over.

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:35

It’s a new manager and she gave my friend a promotion which I was so pleased for her.
I’m sadly thinking that she is more inclined to cut ties with me in order to keep favour with the new boss. The new boss and I didn’t get in and hence I left ( no hard feelings; just got a new job).
I feel so foolish and used if this is the case.

OP posts:
MayThe4th · 24/07/2023 19:37

TBH I don’t think there is a way. Because there’s no way for her to know what is true and what isn’t.

I’m not of the blocking persuasion personally, but if someone told me that a friend had been talking about me behin my back I would distance myself. And even if they swore it wasn’t true there would always be that doubt and the friendship would never be the same.

You just need to accept that the frendship is over. Because even if you can talk to her there is always going to be a doubt in her mind.

Wenfy · 24/07/2023 19:38

She was clearly using you for work promotion and now you have left has no use for you & has cut you off. Just accept it as her failing and move on. You don’t need idiots like this in your life

Tilllly · 24/07/2023 19:38

I know this is painful

But honestly, if what she's saying is what she really believes, how dare she think you're like that?

I had similar happen years ago. When said friend made contact some months later, I ignored it. If she could believe I'd bitch behind her back, then she had a very low opinion of me

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