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Original poster

Friend has blocked me and ended friendship

111 replies

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 18:19

My best friend of 8 years has suddenly blocked me on everything; I now have no means of communicating with her.
This was done with no warning and I had no clue why. I went to her house to try to find out and she explained that I had hurt her so she blocked me.
We work at the same place; Friday was my last day as I have a new job. All was fine. She explained that a member of senior staff had told her I was talking behind her back, making fun of her and generally not being a friend.
None of this is true. Whilst at her house she wouldn’t tell me who had said such things and wouldn’t believe me when I denied it. Her husband then weighed in on the conversation stating that seeing as we no longer work at the same place he couldn’t see why we would want to stay friends.
I am heartbroken that she could so easily cut off a long and close friendship without talking to me about it and that I have no way of trying to resolve this as I have no means of communicating with her.
WWYD?

OP posts:
LaMaG · 24/07/2023 20:30

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Wrong thread I think!!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 24/07/2023 20:32

If it is the senior manager telling her this then it's a bloody good job you're out of there.

GoodChat · 24/07/2023 20:32

GoodChat · 24/07/2023 20:29

I agree with PP it may help her to know you have struggled with your mental health in the past too.

That's not going to help her. She has made it clear she wants no contact with the OP.

Oh sorry I just saw the thread you meant to post this on

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
SquirrelBlue · 24/07/2023 20:33

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/07/2023 20:21

So husband couldn't stop the friendship when you worked together but now you don't, he's got a golden opportunity to isolate her further hence his very telling comment. If it were me, I'd try and find some way to let her know you're always there for her and hope to God she finds a way out of that situation.

Show quote history

This! This is a great opportunity for him to isolate her from a good source of emotional support. Put it in writing - tell her that you'll always be there for her but understand if she doesn't want contact right now.

Cornishclio · 24/07/2023 20:34

Sorry this is making you ill. It would make me angry but ultimately you cannot get through to her if she has blocked all means of communication and pride would stop me even trying. It may be that you are no longer of use to her if you don't work at the same company, it could be the new boss bad mouthing you to her or the husband not wanting her to stay in contact with you.

Hope the new job goes well and hopefully you will meet new people who have less of an agenda than your ex friend does.

fireflyloo · 24/07/2023 20:37

I don't think she's much of a friend if she's taking the word of a new manager over an 8 year friendship. There must be more to it.

Oblomov23 · 24/07/2023 20:39

I've had 1 friend of 8 years ghost me, and 1 friend of 11 years cut me off in the last year. God I've cried. The pain, the loss, the loneliness, the injustice. Sympathy. I understand. Flowers

TheYear2000 · 24/07/2023 20:40

Sorry OP I posted on the wrong thread by accident have reported my previous post

Mayhem3 · 24/07/2023 20:59

I would be tempted to contact the manager or whoever said it and CC your friend into it and ask them to confirm that it never happened.

I also like the idea of a PP who said to send her a card and in it I’d put how hurt you are that you’ve believed others over her and not allowed you to even explain yourself.

I would be so annoyed that she’s done this and would want a chance to say my piece but ultimately I wouldn’t waste my time on someone who isn’t a true friend.

IdSell · 24/07/2023 21:11

When you were hanging out with this woman did the two of you tend to chat about other people? Are you normally 'gossipy'? Is she?

If not then it makes it more odd that she would believe you were being nasty about her behind her back.

mindutopia · 24/07/2023 21:48

Is she jealous, do you think? Or at a point in life where she is struggling?

The only time a friend ever just cut me off and disappeared from my life was when I’d finally met a lovely man after years of bad relationships and had a big career opportunity offered to me. She was really unsure of her next steps career wise and in a relationship that was slowly grinding to an end after many years together. She asked me for advice as she was contemplating a big move, job change, and thinking about ending her relationship. I told her what I’d do if I was her. And then apparently, I thought I was too good for her anymore as my life was happy and I thought I had it all figured out, which was obviously not true at all, but I think she found it all very threatening at a time when she was really struggling. I never heard from her again despite a number of attempts to reach out. She was at the time my best friend and I thought we’d always be in each other’s lives.

Mary46 · 24/07/2023 22:22

Feel for you op. I temped over the years. Offices are cut throat. Maybe you best out it and her.

bullywee · 25/07/2023 07:39

Something like this happened to me. Long story short, at a Christmas night that I wasn't at, someone told someone who told my colleague and close friend that someone else had said that I had said something about her at said Christmas party. Given I was about 100 miles away from the location of the Christmas party it was all so bizarre.

Day after Christmas party I got barrage of emails and was then subsequently blocked on WhatsApp/friend refused to answer work emails/removed me from correspondence that as her line manager I should have been aware of.

Due to the content of the emails I had to go to HR (basically my friend promised to do x/y/z that would have serious repercussions for both myself and employer if she had actioned what was threatened in the emails took place).

After a long disciplinary procedure, the person who told my friend admitted that she made it all up because she was jealous of how close my friend and I were.

Friend tried to apologise, which I accepted, but we are no longer close friends and now only colleagues who say hello in passing.

People are horrible.

LAMPS1 · 25/07/2023 08:01

Write to her to say :-

  1. You accept the friendship is over.
  2. She deserves to know the truth … her manager is lying, you haven’t ever spoken badly of her, on the contrary, you valued your special friendship with her.
  3. You will always be open to any communication from her if she wants it.
  4. You wish her well with her new job.

Then you will feel a bit better about putting this firmly behind you and moving on successfully with your own life.

converseandjeans · 25/07/2023 08:07

I always helped her in her aspirations with regard to promotion etc

I think she's jealous & also now decided that this new manager at work is more use to her. She sounds quite hard work. I would move on. She's obviously got issues.

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 25/07/2023 22:18

Thank you all so much. This thread has really helped me. Today I emailed her (my only line of communication left open). She did not reply.
having got over the initial shock I think that I am no longer any use to her and she would rather put her efforts into making friendships that are more use to her at work now that I have left.
It’s such bizarre behaviour from a grown woman that I still find it hard to fathom.
our ex boss (and now a good friend) has pointed out past instances where often ex friend would ‘suck up’ to whoever she felt would do her the most good.
I feel such a fool.

OP posts:
Jongleterre · 25/07/2023 22:29

Funny how the husband hasn't said to your friend 'oh come on now, you've been good friends for years, she wouldn't say or do that!'

Sounds like he's got ear on her dumping you and she's blaming the work colleague rather than him?

DoubleTime · 25/07/2023 23:04

Are you sure its not your friend who has been speaking about you at work, and trying to sabotage your progress ? It seems v dramatic to block you everywhere rather than just gradually have less contact, if it was all about you being useful.
I think hubby knows what its really about - had her story been true wouldn't he have been backing her up on it, esp. since that means one less friend?

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 26/07/2023 18:06

I think that you both may be right! I think that I have served my purpose and she has her sights set on focussing on courting favour with the boss and newly appointed replacement taking over my role.
She didn’t seem to want to hear anything I had to say or my absolute promise that what she had allegedly been told was utter lies!

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 26/07/2023 20:10

Jellypudmum · 25/07/2023 22:18

Thank you all so much. This thread has really helped me. Today I emailed her (my only line of communication left open). She did not reply.
having got over the initial shock I think that I am no longer any use to her and she would rather put her efforts into making friendships that are more use to her at work now that I have left.
It’s such bizarre behaviour from a grown woman that I still find it hard to fathom.
our ex boss (and now a good friend) has pointed out past instances where often ex friend would ‘suck up’ to whoever she felt would do her the most good.
I feel such a fool.

You still don't think this is her husband controlling the narrative?

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 26/07/2023 21:28

I think that her husband has encouraged her to focus on those people still at work who can help her to progress and as I am no longer there to do that he sees no need for her to continue the friendship. It did seem odd that he appeared 5 minutes after I arrived at her house and would not leave us alone to have any form of conversation. Either way, she obviously did not mean it over the years when she kept referring to me as her best friend / sister she never had.

OP posts:
DoubleTime · 26/07/2023 22:28

I think your friend might be lying quite a lot. She asked you to help her get promoted so that she could leave her husband, but she has had more than one promotion now by the sounds of it, and she hasn't left. She was fine with you on Friday, although if her version of things was true she would have known about all this by then.
Is it the Senior Manager you don't get on with that she is blaming ? It would be a funny thing for a manager to do wouldn't it - stir up the target and tell her she is being made fun of instead of addressing the person who is belittling them behind their back?

I wonder if she had anything to do with you and that manager not getting along.......

SquirrelBlue · 27/07/2023 10:41

Jellypudmum · 26/07/2023 21:28

I think that her husband has encouraged her to focus on those people still at work who can help her to progress and as I am no longer there to do that he sees no need for her to continue the friendship. It did seem odd that he appeared 5 minutes after I arrived at her house and would not leave us alone to have any form of conversation. Either way, she obviously did not mean it over the years when she kept referring to me as her best friend / sister she never had.

If he didn't leave you alone to have your conversation then yes he's controlling the narrative. Everything you've said about him and that her recent actions are completely out of character for her indicates that he's controlling her.

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 00:16

Double time; I’m beginning to see that her reasons for cutting off all contact is an excuse; she simply has no use for me anymore.
that, or she has some other issues afoot!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellypudmum · 28/07/2023 00:18

I went to the nail salon we always go to together today; they were in disbelief when I told them she no longer wanted contact with me.
the main problem now is that so many people knew us as best friends and I hope they do not believe her untrue version of events

OP posts: