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Original poster

Friend has blocked me and ended friendship

111 replies

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 18:19

My best friend of 8 years has suddenly blocked me on everything; I now have no means of communicating with her.
This was done with no warning and I had no clue why. I went to her house to try to find out and she explained that I had hurt her so she blocked me.
We work at the same place; Friday was my last day as I have a new job. All was fine. She explained that a member of senior staff had told her I was talking behind her back, making fun of her and generally not being a friend.
None of this is true. Whilst at her house she wouldn’t tell me who had said such things and wouldn’t believe me when I denied it. Her husband then weighed in on the conversation stating that seeing as we no longer work at the same place he couldn’t see why we would want to stay friends.
I am heartbroken that she could so easily cut off a long and close friendship without talking to me about it and that I have no way of trying to resolve this as I have no means of communicating with her.
WWYD?

OP posts:
SquirrelBlue · 24/07/2023 19:44

"Her husband then weighed in on the conversation stating that seeing as we no longer work at the same place he couldn’t see why we would want to stay friends."

🤔What's your relationship been like with him in the past?
This is a really odd comment to jump in with.
Sorry you've lost a friend OP. That sounds really painful.

MandaX · 24/07/2023 19:45

Perhaps write a letter telling her how you feel and that you absolutely refute these rumours. Ask her to hear you out. 4 people love to just cause drama. Good luck X

Silvers11 · 24/07/2023 19:46

MayThe4th · 24/07/2023 19:37

TBH I don’t think there is a way. Because there’s no way for her to know what is true and what isn’t.

I’m not of the blocking persuasion personally, but if someone told me that a friend had been talking about me behin my back I would distance myself. And even if they swore it wasn’t true there would always be that doubt and the friendship would never be the same.

You just need to accept that the frendship is over. Because even if you can talk to her there is always going to be a doubt in her mind.

I agree with this @Jellypudmum.

I once lost a friend because she thought that I had reported her to the DSS for having a boyfriend stay over a couple of nights every week. I worked for the DSS at the time and 2 days after she had told me about the boyfriend, she was visited by the Fraud Team. a) I had done no such thing - apart from anything else she wasn't doing anything wrong as far as I was concerned b) If I HAD reported her it would have taken a lot longer than 2 days for the Fraud team to investigate and c) If I had thought she was doing anything wrong, I would have told her so to her face and advised her not to let him stay overnight at all

I told her that and she apparently accepted what I told her, but the element of doubt was obviously still there - and to be honest I was both angry and upset that she thought I would have done something like that. Killed the friendship, and I think you need to let this one go now

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TraumaSurvivor · 24/07/2023 19:51

Why on earth is her husband even getting involved in this?

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/07/2023 19:52

I'm also wondering if this is something to do with the husband. His comment was really odd. Is he controlling?

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 24/07/2023 19:52

Move on OP. She was using you and wasnt a friend. Obv all stories have another side too. But if what you have said is true and you haven't done anything wrong, then she is the one whos cut you off for no reason. She has no use of you now,

Unicorntastic · 24/07/2023 19:53

MistyMorningMelons · 24/07/2023 19:33

Do you think her husband could have any part in this? I.e maybe the work story is nonsense and it's him who doesn't want her seeing you?

Exactly what I was thinking!

Original poster
Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:55

squirrelblue; he’s very controlling and the reason I have always helped her when she’s been wanting promotion is that she’s said she needs the money to leave him. She’s made no secret that she wants to leave him and has said so too many shared acquaintances. He will undoubtedly encourage her to not resume the friendship as he can then isolate her further.

OP posts:
HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 24/07/2023 19:59

A few years ago, someone I would normally trust told me that an old friend of mine had done something really terrible. Because I knew my friend and his character, I replied that he absolutely did not do this thing and I made a bit of a fuss about insisting that they stop spreading the rumour. I have never doubted him and I was proved right in the end.

OP, I don't think this is about you at all. Some people don't like to keep in touch with work friends after they leave for new jobs, and some people only really want friends who can help them in their careers. If this woman knew you (and she should, after 8 years), then she would either have dismissed the allegation, or at the very least asked you about it.

I don't think that this can be repaired. You would never feel secure in your friendship again. I hope that your new job goes well and you make new friends with stronger characters.

gamerchick · 24/07/2023 19:59

Sounds to me she's feeling hurt because you've left and has made something up. Her husband gave you the clue and I'd hazard a guess he's said some stuff and got into her head

LaMaG · 24/07/2023 20:01

I agree a written communication is best to explain yourself and then leave it, what else can you do. The letter will be some sort of closure for you. The BF situation is worrying, maybe she came home all bothered over the perceived betrayal and he encouraged her to block you? Strange though if she has said she wants to leave him that she would then allow him influence her so much.

It's terribly hard OP. A friend cut me off a few years ago and I took it badly, really rocked my confidence. Sorry xxx

Lolapusht · 24/07/2023 20:01

Does the husband happen to work at the same place or know the same people? Could he have said “Bob told me your manager said Jelly was making fun of you…”?

Renoroom · 24/07/2023 20:08

Don’t write. Walk away - it’s what she’s obviously wanting (rightly or wrongly) - and the friendship will never be the same. No matter what you do or say.

Grieve for the friendship that wasn’t as good as you thought (or she’d of spoken to you). And walk. Put your energy elsewhere.

GoodChat · 24/07/2023 20:10

TraumaSurvivor · 24/07/2023 19:51

Why on earth is her husband even getting involved in this?

Because this woman's coming to his home and upsetting his wife who's already made attempts to cut contact with her?

Oceanus · 24/07/2023 20:10

Divide to conquer. The manager did it, the husband is probably adding fuel to the fire because you weren't on his side and he knew that.
Don't dwell on it, just move on. Arguing will likely get you nowhere positive. She's not going to war with her boss as she's still working there so it's an argument you're unlikley to win in the near future. Arguing would only bring you both grief. Have a little cry and focus on your new job and the new people about to come into your life. Good luck with the new job.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/07/2023 20:11

I would send an email stating that you have said nothing negative about her, and the person who told her you did is lying. Tell her you accept that she doesn't want you to contact her again, and you will not do so, but you want her to be clear about what is happening.

Tbh though she probably knows it is a lie, if anyone really said it to her (probably the husband if so). For whatever reason it suits her to cut ties, so put it behind you and move on.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 24/07/2023 20:11

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 18:57

I’m so upset; it feels like a bereavement! The hardest part is feeling like I didn’t have the opportunity to properly talk to her. If the friendship is over due to the words of someone else I accept that the hard truth is she is not the best friend she always claimed to be. I think it’s the total inability I have to properly talk to her or even draw closure.
I have helped her so much over the years and this feels so hurtful.

I've had this. A friend who I was there for, for so much. If I did anything that might change the status quo or didn't involve her (new role in our team, switching departments, having lunch with a different friend, another colleague getting me a coffee when they went out for one and she wasn't included.....etc) there was massive drama. Finally, when I was having a rough time she wasn't interested in talking to me about it. So while I dealt with my stuff, I obviously went a bit quiet on her as she wouldn't talk to me about anything other than her non issues. That made her block me and tell me afterwards that I'd really hurt her.

These people are not proper friends. It feels awful at the beginning, but when you stop and think about it, the signs they didn't truly care about you were always there. It was always one sided, or you were "their" friend. It sucks, and I have no real advice but you're not alone and you'll likely find your life is much less stressful without her.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 24/07/2023 20:14

drpet49 · 24/07/2023 18:37

So she believes a senior staff member over her friend of 8 years. She’s an idiot then and I would leave her to it.

so would I

zooopta · 24/07/2023 20:18

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:10

I did wonder that now I have left the job I am no more use to her. I always helped her in her aspirations with regard to promotion etc
It always took a lot for me to trust someone as a true friend and I thought she was it. After 8 years I can’t believe it’s literally come to an end so abruptly.

Wow I could have written this exact post myself in 2019 ☹️

Also when leaving my job my best friend stopped speaking to me. She said I was not getting in touch anymore (but the phone works both ways and I left my job very depressed so....) but she didn't want to hear my side

When she heard I was pregnant in 2021 she got back in touch. Wished me well and asked how I was. It was the olive branch needed to start communicating again and she has visited me and my baby two times which was lovely
I would love her to be my best friend again and thought she would be an auntie to my ds. But too much time has elapsed now I don't think we will be any time soon. It's different now. We text now and again and I sent flowers on her birthday twice and wish her well on all opportunities. But unless I text first I don't hear from her. It's still really sad to me, I love her

I'm sorry for you going through similar xx

StopStartStop · 24/07/2023 20:20

Let it go. Now. She's made her position clear.

It's annoying to be misrepresented and treated badly. It's unfair. But you'll survive.

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/07/2023 20:21

Jellypudmum · 24/07/2023 19:55

squirrelblue; he’s very controlling and the reason I have always helped her when she’s been wanting promotion is that she’s said she needs the money to leave him. She’s made no secret that she wants to leave him and has said so too many shared acquaintances. He will undoubtedly encourage her to not resume the friendship as he can then isolate her further.

So husband couldn't stop the friendship when you worked together but now you don't, he's got a golden opportunity to isolate her further hence his very telling comment. If it were me, I'd try and find some way to let her know you're always there for her and hope to God she finds a way out of that situation.

IncognitoMam · 24/07/2023 20:24

So sorry for you. You'll make other friends though.

TheYear2000 · 24/07/2023 20:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Flipin · 24/07/2023 20:25

If you write a letter don't send it! Move on with your head held high.

GoodChat · 24/07/2023 20:29

I agree with PP it may help her to know you have struggled with your mental health in the past too.

That's not going to help her. She has made it clear she wants no contact with the OP.