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Original poster

Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

263 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

OP posts:
Oceanus · 23/07/2023 22:11

Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 21:39

Right, so some of you think it's OK/character building to let teenagers get piss-wet through and then walk home because they went out unprepared for the weather, it's only rain, it wasn't that far, they need to learn etc etc. This surprises me a bit, but if that's how you're raising your children, fair enough

It is helping then learn that actions have consequences in a totally safe environment. I remember once I spent my last few pounds bus fare home in a final glass of wine so walked home 2 miles. I could have used a phone box and done a reverse charge call but it did not even occur to me seeing as I had made a conscious choice and needed to deal with the result.

We are raising a nation of bloody wet wipes.

The way I read what you wrote is you were probably a bit "warm" from the booze and you had some more which gave you liquid courage and faded your selfprotection instincts. You walked alone in the dark to get home and you made it in one piece. Yes, you made it in one piece but I wonder if you weren't lucky that the place where you got drunk didn't have any pervs (or normal people who were a bit drunk too so feeling braver than usual) lurking about who saw a young lady going out drunk into the night all by her lonesome herself.
I don't think it's about living in fear but it's important not to actively seek to place oneself in conditions which make the risk of something potentially bad happening higher. You hope for the best but you prepare for the worst while actively avoiding it. Being prepared is often far from being enough.

RampantIvy · 23/07/2023 22:23

Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 21:36

If they are only a 15 minute walk from home, it might not occur to me to offer a lift unless asked

Why not?

It wouldn't occur to me not to

Because to most people walkig 15 minutes through a village is a complete non event. Even for a teenage girl.

I would class that in the same category as driving past my neighbour 30 metres from our houses and asking her if she wants a lift.

Though I suppose these days to many people a 15 minute walk is nearly as daunting as climing to the summit of Everest.

It was dark and it was raining. Why would you leave a 15 year old to walk home on their own? That is just so mean spirited.

If it is only a 15 minute walk it would only be 3 or 4 minutes to drive, so hardly going out of your way.

KingOfThieves · 23/07/2023 22:50

If it is pissing it down and your child is leaving on an evening, it is between you and your daughter, ultimately, to make plans. It’s odd that you say if wouldn’t occur to you to make plans to get her home safe when she is in your village but you expect other parents to pick up the slack when they are likely think the same thing… this is ‘her’ village, she must live close by and her own plans to get home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

15 year olds Families
WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 23:52

KingOfThieves · 23/07/2023 22:50

If it is pissing it down and your child is leaving on an evening, it is between you and your daughter, ultimately, to make plans. It’s odd that you say if wouldn’t occur to you to make plans to get her home safe when she is in your village but you expect other parents to pick up the slack when they are likely think the same thing… this is ‘her’ village, she must live close by and her own plans to get home.

What.🤣

NumberTheory · 24/07/2023 00:48

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 16:03

I definitely do not place any blame or responsibility on any other parent. Of course, she is my responsibility, hence the reason I got in my car to go find her. A series of lesson have been learnt from last night (ie dd keeping our numbers on paper in her phone case, not allowing phone to get low on charge, friends numbers in my phone etc) but I will still stand by my view on things which is that, imo it is simple human kindness to offer a lift to one of your child’s friends when it is pouring of rain. That is nothing to do with responsibility but simple kindness.

I happily give my kids' friends a ride home, and I would go out of my way to do it in most circumstances. For older kids, what I don't tend to do is assume they haven't got things under control, especially if it's an activity they've done plenty of together before. I don't check up on their competence unless I have some reason to be concerned for them. I don't spend my time thinking about how they are getting places or what they are doing next. I give over far too much of my brain power to second guessing how other people are going to get the things they need done as it is. It's not me default setting.

Sometimeswinning · 24/07/2023 00:55

The posters on here blaming your dd. Guessing none of them have a teenage daughter. My dd is the sort who would never ask. Thank god I'm surrounded by other adults who would not see her left alone!

I thought it was the norm. Obviously not. I'll appreciate my circle alot more after reading this!

mrsplum2015 · 24/07/2023 00:55

I would feel put out too but I think it's good it's lesson learned for your dd.

At 15 they are bordering on adulthood (it's completely different to a 9 year old being left by someone's parents).

She really needs to take responsibility for being assertive enough to organise the lift, borrow a phone to call you, make sure hers is charged etc.

In life she will come across these situations and needs to be able to problem solve.

When my dd was first going out with others, age 10, I used to speak to them all and make sure they knew to stay together. By 15 it was always stay with your friends but have a back up plan for what happens if they leave you/they start doing something you're not comfortable with etc .. But we live in a city environment so by 15 dd was off all over the place on buses etc and places that weren't safe to be alone, I guess it's a bit different in a village and she doesn't encounter those situations.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 09:25

Sometimeswinning I feel the same way. I honestly can not think of one friend who what not hesitate to offer a child a lift back home when it’s pouring of rain. Obviously we have chosen our friends well!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 09:27

KingOfThieves Err!? Ok???

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 24/07/2023 09:34

Katrinawaves · 23/07/2023 11:38

At 15, my initial suspicion would be that there is a romantic interest involved and either your daughter walked them home and then walked home alone or that the romantic interest walked her most of the way home. That makes more sense to me than her friend’s parent just leaving her completely alone and not even offering her a lift home in the rain and dark when that would only have taken a few minutes out of their day.…

But that isn’t the case at all…

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 09:34

RampantIvy that’s exactly what I’m trying to get through to some people on here. It would have literally been a few minutes drive and not out of their way either.
I wasn’t sitting on my lazy arse expecting people to go miles out of their way bringing dd back home and if it had been fair weather it wouldn’t have been an issue at all but it was lashing down.
People also seem to gloss over the fact that I did go out to look for her and had I found her and she had been with her friends still I would have brought them all back home, I certainly would not have left the others in the rain and only collected dd. I am genuinely baffled by some replies on here. There are obviously some very mean spirited and self centred people in this world. It’s actually very depressing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 09:36

tuvamoodyson You are right, it certainly wasn’t.
According to many on MN all teens are rampant sex addicts, drug addicts or getting up to no good in other ways. I often wonder if some of these posters actually have any experience dc or teens?

OP posts:
Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 24/07/2023 09:37

You are not wrong @Sixmonthcruise
Leaving your DD to walk home in the rain was not ok. There must be something very wrong with the parent that did that.

As I said before talk to all the girls about it. Hopefully it get mentioned at home.

PegasusReturns · 24/07/2023 09:37

I cannot imagine not offering a lift to DCs friend in these circumstances. It seems so mean spirited not too - I just cannot imagine taking that position.

Over the years/decades I’ve offered a million lifts, it’s been a pleasure to get to know my DCs friends and as they’ve grown into young adults I’ve often been relieved to have that connection.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 09:46

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie Yep, this has definitely been spoken about at great length.
PegasusReturns I feel the same way. I enjoy conversing with dd’s friends and they also come on holiday with us. It is never a chore or neither do I feel put out offering lifts etc.
Many of my friends are from primary age and I’ve had good relationships with their parents too.

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 24/07/2023 09:55

Many of my friends are from primary age and I’ve had good relationships with their parents too

That’s interesting, I’m in a similar position and continue to have good relationships with a number of old school and university friends parents as well as more recent friends.

Drenchend · 24/07/2023 10:03

Op my parents were the type to never leave a child alone like that.

Maybe they didn't realise she was stranded.

I was left once and I till Remeber it. The family were unbelievable tight and did count petrol and weight.

I would feel extremely guilty if something happened to the child..

Drenchend · 24/07/2023 10:04

Same re fiends my parents were always friendly with them and I try to be with dd friends.

MrsRachelDanvers · 24/07/2023 10:25

Tbh, it would be a mildly annoying thing if my daughter hadn’t been given a lift from another parent-to be forgotten about. Like I’ve said, a 15 year old walking home in their own village at twilight even if bad weather isn’t a big deal. I can’t believe so much energy has been given to feeling sore about someone not dropping a teenager off.

mrsplum2015 · 24/07/2023 10:31

I really do agree @MrsRachelDanvers

I've got teens, one now older than this.

I really wouldn't read anything into it.

Yes I am the same and I always offer a lift if I think one is needed but often I would be told oh no such and such is going elsewhere or whatever and i wouldn't think twice. To be honest life is so busy with my own dc and work pets house etc, the last thing I will be giving headspace to at 930 on a Sunday night is someone else's child's arrangement.

curaçao · 24/07/2023 10:39

How far south are you? I don't think it was that dark at 9.45 ish.

RampantIvy · 24/07/2023 10:50

curaçao · 24/07/2023 10:39

How far south are you? I don't think it was that dark at 9.45 ish.

The weather has been truly awful so it was nearly dark in South Yorkshire at that time.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 10:52

curaçao it’s was darker than usual because of the awful weather.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 24/07/2023 11:10

Even with the adhd, you need to talk to her about taking responsibility. She could've borrowed the phone of any of the 3 friends at any point and phoned you. You need to talk to her about her decision making.

RampantIvy · 24/07/2023 11:17

Regardless of how old the daughter is I wouldn't leave a friend to walk home in the rain. None of my friends will see 50 again and I treat them how I would like to be treated myself. It's just the considerate thing to do, and anyone with any kind of social awareness would do this.