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Original poster

Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

263 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 23/07/2023 15:39

What kind of person wouldn’t at least enquire if the child was fine to make their way home themselves in this situation?

Are you sure your DD and friend were stood together, car pulls up next to them, friend gets in, your DD stands there waving goodbye and then car pulls away and your DD is stood there all alone?

Can you be sure this parent even saw your DD?

Weedoormatnomore · 23/07/2023 15:39

ConnieTucker · 23/07/2023 10:58

I would have ask how toe child was getting home and offered a lift.

This asked my child how her friend was getting home. Either suggested they use my phone to ring patent a d waited or insisted on giving child lift home.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 15:41

Pretty sure Luxell934 they were waiting in the bus shelter together. No one else around, the bus shelter is well lit. Dd said she was conversing with the friend as she was getting into her father’s car.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

15 year olds Families
RampantIvy · 23/07/2023 15:44

MuthaBacon · 23/07/2023 14:17

Right, so some of you think it's OK/character building to let teenagers get piss-wet through and then walk home because they went out unprepared for the weather, it's only rain, it wasn't that far, they need to learn etc etc. This surprises me a bit, but if that's how you're raising your children, fair enough.

However, the parents in this case obviously didn't think it was OK because they came and picked their children up. It was only the OPs child who was left to walk home alone in the pissing rain.

I cannot think of a good reason for what the parents of the last child did and I honestly think I'd need to ask them.

Well said.

And still some posters are making up some wild and poor excuses for the girl being left to walk home on her own. It beggars belief.

NoTouch · 23/07/2023 15:46

It is nice when other parents drop your kid off, but ultimately if you are letting your 15 year old out to the park until 9-10pm at night it is your responsibility to ensure they have the skills to deal with any issues. It is your responsibility if you don't want your dd walking home alone at night to make sure they have planned how and when they are getting home.

With independence comes responsibility, if they are not ready for the independence then you need to manage that, not expect other parents to step in for you. That includes making sure their phone is charged, or don't let them go out late at night, and all this could have been avoided.

It is ridiculous to get angry at another parent for your and your dd's mismanagement and your dd's irresponsibility.

I would have dropped your dd home, and appreciate it if another parents did the same for my dc, but I would never expect it.

whynotwhatknot · 23/07/2023 15:49

i do get it but shes 15 i was walking home much further than that at her age

it was a bit out of order the other friend just left her though

Luxell934 · 23/07/2023 15:54

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 15:41

Pretty sure Luxell934 they were waiting in the bus shelter together. No one else around, the bus shelter is well lit. Dd said she was conversing with the friend as she was getting into her father’s car.

Maybe they assumed your DD was getting the bus then? I'd be more annoyed at the friend, than the parent, who presumably knew her phone was out of battery so couldn't call home but didn't offer a lift? I mean fair enough blame the parent if the friend asked and parent said no but it doesn't seem like this was the case.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 16:03

I definitely do not place any blame or responsibility on any other parent. Of course, she is my responsibility, hence the reason I got in my car to go find her. A series of lesson have been learnt from last night (ie dd keeping our numbers on paper in her phone case, not allowing phone to get low on charge, friends numbers in my phone etc) but I will still stand by my view on things which is that, imo it is simple human kindness to offer a lift to one of your child’s friends when it is pouring of rain. That is nothing to do with responsibility but simple kindness.

OP posts:
ejbaxa · 23/07/2023 16:05

well - I would not have left a 15yo in the twilight/rain if I’d been picking up one of the others. I have a 15yo and recently there was an event til 10pm and one girl was left on her own waiting for her lift, on the street. Even though the girl is a bully and my dd tries to keep away from her, we still stopped and asked her how far her mum was away so that she wouldn’t be stranded.

that said, you have let your 15yo onto the streets in the evening, with no fixed plans for pickups/walking home etc. and that is on you/her - nobody is obligated to sort her out. I’m not surprised the other parents came to fish their kids off the rainy dark streets. they probably have find my iPhone / find friends, whatever it’s now called and could see their kids wandering in the rain aimlessly. I would not have been pleased in their position if I’d been thinking my teen was at someone’s house perhaps watching something, but actually they were wandering in the rain. Perhaps they picked up their dds muttering to themselves: why did sixmonthcruise not tell the kids to stay inside.

tou should make it a condition of goign out that she has good charge on her phone and that she memorises your phone number. Both my teens have mine memorised. You should also have find my iPhone or whatever the equivalent is. And lastly, your dd must speak up for herself - when that last father picked up, your dd needed to say- I’m sorry to be a nuisance but could you please give me a lift home as I’ll now be on my own in the dark and rain. Although he should have offered, it’s her safety at stake, so she needs to take control.

Tessabelle74 · 23/07/2023 16:11

My daughter is terrible for not having a full charged phone so she always messages me a friend's number before it goes flat so I can still contact her. I have offered lifts to her friends before and they've refused, are you sure she hasn't done this? If they didn't offer I think it's a bit off but your child isn't really anyone else's responsibility so she should have used a friend's phone to ask you to collect her

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 16:15

ejbaxa firstly, the parents are more than happy for the teens to walk around the village in the summer evenings. My dd does this in the other surrounding villages in which her friends live. The parents were certainly not expecting them to be kept at our home the whole evening. They were also not ‘walking the streets’ in some random unknown area with no ‘fixed plan’ as you put it, they were in our village, the village dd has lived in all of her life. The parents didn’t come and ‘fish’ the friends off the street, they came at the allotted time which had been agreed between dd and her friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 16:23

I do wish people would stop implying that I expected the other parent to have been fully responsible for getting my dd home. Yes dd arrived home fine. I AM saying that it would have been nice that the other parent would have at least offered a lift or offered to phone me so I could have come and picked her up as I would have then been aware she was going to be on her own in the rain as I was expecting them all to come back to mine. I have not and do not blame the other parent, I don’t know how many times I need to type this!!
And, of course, it goes without saying that lessons have been learnt but I personally will still continue to offer a lift to any of dd friends should they need one, regardless if other parents don’t offer the same.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 23/07/2023 16:24

imo it is simple human kindness to offer a lift to one of your child’s friends when it is pouring of rain.

Exactly, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just mean spirited and thoughtless.

FairAcre · 23/07/2023 16:39

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 16:23

I do wish people would stop implying that I expected the other parent to have been fully responsible for getting my dd home. Yes dd arrived home fine. I AM saying that it would have been nice that the other parent would have at least offered a lift or offered to phone me so I could have come and picked her up as I would have then been aware she was going to be on her own in the rain as I was expecting them all to come back to mine. I have not and do not blame the other parent, I don’t know how many times I need to type this!!
And, of course, it goes without saying that lessons have been learnt but I personally will still continue to offer a lift to any of dd friends should they need one, regardless if other parents don’t offer the same.

The weekend seems to bring out certain type of aggressive and argumentative posters I’ve noticed. More so than during the week where people are more supportive and kind.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 16:52

They really are RampantIvy
FairAcre it does seem that way, hopefully by tomorrow they will drag their mean dark souls back to wherever they normally languish!

OP posts:
throwbacko2 · 23/07/2023 17:36

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 14:09

throwbacko2 this is the Chat section not AIBU - I have never asked the question AIBU, merely stating I was surprised a lift wasn’t offered.

I'm sorry i was wrong

rainingsnoring · 23/07/2023 17:49

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 16:03

I definitely do not place any blame or responsibility on any other parent. Of course, she is my responsibility, hence the reason I got in my car to go find her. A series of lesson have been learnt from last night (ie dd keeping our numbers on paper in her phone case, not allowing phone to get low on charge, friends numbers in my phone etc) but I will still stand by my view on things which is that, imo it is simple human kindness to offer a lift to one of your child’s friends when it is pouring of rain. That is nothing to do with responsibility but simple kindness.

Totally agree. No justification for leaving a teenage girl alone in the dark and rain when they could have given her a lift. Shameful that they didn't consider her welfare.

FeigningConcern · 23/07/2023 19:52

That's appalling. I would never have left a teen on their own in those circumstances. Would always have offered a lift home or waited until their lift arrived. Would never have left a teen on their own!

FeigningConcern · 23/07/2023 19:58

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:21

throwbacko2 I have never stated that I blame the other parents, if you take the time to read thoroughly you will see that I am simply saying I am disappointed they didn’t offer a lift or at least to call me. That is NOT the same as blaming them.

I blame the other parents. That's fucking appalling behaviour. Teens who French don't think and get themselves caught out in situations like this (or worse). They are still learning. Even harder for an ADHD teen who would struggle to put the pre-planning in place and foresee potential problems. They are even more on the back foot. That's why adults and parents need to step up to ensure they are safe when they can. This was such an easy one. I have no idea why a parent could have left a teen in these circumstances.

I was reading only yesterday about a case where a teen had been raped and murdered after a night out having left their friend at the bus stop and tried to walk alone for a short distance (I think half a mile). Obviously teens will do this stuff and the risk of rape/murder is low however as a parent I cannot fathom how you'd leave someone else's child in the dark and rain and risk the worst happening.

TheaBrandt · 23/07/2023 21:09

Also what’s with these weird over thinking posts?! If I give a teen a lift their parents may take it as implicit criticism/ as a dad they may think I’m being inappropriate etc. weirdos!!! Just give your child’s friends lifts if you are picking up your own child at night that’s what normal people do anyway

TheaBrandt · 23/07/2023 21:18

The pp called Frankie or something basically saying it’s women’s fault for being suspicious of men hence he would leave his dds friends stranded- I’m looking at you. Thankfully no normal dad I’ve ever known has had such a weirdo mindset.

Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 21:36

If they are only a 15 minute walk from home, it might not occur to me to offer a lift unless asked

Why not?

It wouldn't occur to me not to

Because to most people walkig 15 minutes through a village is a complete non event. Even for a teenage girl.

I would class that in the same category as driving past my neighbour 30 metres from our houses and asking her if she wants a lift.

Though I suppose these days to many people a 15 minute walk is nearly as daunting as climing to the summit of Everest.

Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 21:39

Right, so some of you think it's OK/character building to let teenagers get piss-wet through and then walk home because they went out unprepared for the weather, it's only rain, it wasn't that far, they need to learn etc etc. This surprises me a bit, but if that's how you're raising your children, fair enough

It is helping then learn that actions have consequences in a totally safe environment. I remember once I spent my last few pounds bus fare home in a final glass of wine so walked home 2 miles. I could have used a phone box and done a reverse charge call but it did not even occur to me seeing as I had made a conscious choice and needed to deal with the result.

We are raising a nation of bloody wet wipes.

nokidshere · 23/07/2023 21:41

If I'm ever picking my sons up I always give others lifts, regardless of where they live. I would not dream of leaving a teenager alone when I'm picking mine up. If they don't want a lift or they are waiting for a parent I stay till they are collected.

Sometimes my sons have called for a lift and say their friends have been picked up already, and despite all living in the same area, and having known most of these people all their lives, the other parent has just collected their child and left.

It's bizarre behaviour

FFSwhatisthis · 23/07/2023 21:53

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:19

Romeiswheretheheartis I am the same, I don’t think many people know anyones numbers by memory these days, I certainly don’t.

@@Sixmonthcruise

DC now 17, has known mine and another adults, since she was 7. She was off jnto london to a concert the other day & I asked her what my number was and she recited it, no problem.

I know about 4.

I figure you can always borrow a phone to it's good to know a few numbers!