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Original poster

Weddings in England - how are they so expensive?

231 replies

TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:22

I know I'm probably a dumbass. But I just got engaged (yay) to my partner of 9 years. I always knew weddings were expensive of course... but I didn't know HOW expensive.

I've started looking today at venues and to be honest it's just made me really sad. It's all so incredibly expensive. My cousins got married recently and now I'm in awe at the beautiful events they put on.

I suppose I never appreciated it before trying to plan my own. I have about £10,000 to spend. Which in my head was plenty (a deposit on a house in some areas for ONE DAY).

Anyway, I can get married in Cornwall, London or Yorkshire because of family and friends being split across the three. But every venue I see is most of the budget. Or if I find a cheaper venue then the food is oddly more expensive and takes it up to a similar amount. Thousands on just food (and of course all venues ban outside food or only their selected £££ suppliers). At this rate I'll have a venue and food, maybe flowers, and that's it for my £10k.

Does anyone know any nice venues in those areas? (Top of Cornwall not bottom so it's not too long for the rest of the family to get there). That don't cost so so much?

I know I could do the registry office and I've suggested eloping but my fiancé wants a wedding and my parents and siblings really want one because I'm the first to get engaged.

I'm really down by it all. It seems insane. The only wedding venues I don't really like are barns. They can be lovely but they're just not for me - I don't want to insult anyone's lovely weddings I just dislike them for me.

Any ideas? In my dreams it was a beach wedding, an orangery, a greenhouse, an elegant hall. I'd do a forest but with the UK weather that's obviously not possible.

Any advice or ideas?

OP posts:
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Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:23

And apologies for putting in chat. Sometimes the wedding page gets 0 hits.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 21/07/2023 21:24

Why not have the wedding in a register office then book the venue for a party, but don't say it is for a wedding?

I have seen this advice on here before. It seems that venues up the price a lot when the W word is mentioned.

Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:28

RampantIvy · 21/07/2023 21:24

Why not have the wedding in a register office then book the venue for a party, but don't say it is for a wedding?

I have seen this advice on here before. It seems that venues up the price a lot when the W word is mentioned.

I also suggested that. My mum and dad were really upset by the idea. They don't see it as a real wedding and want to do the whole walk me down the aisle, speeches, white dress in front of the whole family thing.

I know it's my wedding and I could choose to do that and tell them to stuff it. But I want everyone to enjoy the day. My brothers have said they'll never get married so it might be the only one.

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Weddings
RandomMess · 21/07/2023 21:31

Well if your parents want the church which is £££££££ perhaps they need to pay for it. Thinks church fees are £1k ish now.

cherryassam · 21/07/2023 21:32

We got married in early Spring this year although booked late 2021 with an element of price freezing in place.

Our budget was helped by contributions from parents and grandparents but largely self-funded.

What we found useful in terms of budget was:

avoiding peak wedding season (late spring - October)
keeping guest list manageable (75 day guests)
having a venue with in-house catering (worked out much cheaper we found than external caterers)
having minimal bridal party / groomsmen
giving our florist a budget to work to and allowing her to choose the best flowers to meet that budget rather than having fixed ideas
no favours

We could have saved more money by having it on a Friday or Sunday but that didn’t work for us due to family travelling and many working in schools

I think you’re likely to get more for your money in Yorkshire - we were married in the North West a couple of weeks before friends who got married in the South East and when comparing quotes / budgets, we were paying a good deal less (half as expensive in some cases)

AHelpfulHand · 21/07/2023 21:32

people don’t get to dictate what they want if they aren’t paying for it.

it’s ok then saying we want to walk you down the aisle etc etc but you are the one paying for it.

it’s not the wedding day that counts, it’s the marriage and a lot of people forget that.

RandomMess · 21/07/2023 21:33

Friends hired a restaurant for the evening was cheaper than a wedding venue/hotel.

RandomMess · 21/07/2023 21:34

I had a sit down buffet in the church hall still had speeches etc.

Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:37

@cherryassam thank you. All good ideas. I can change the dates to a less popular time.. though it's tricky due to some career issues but I suppose I'll have to.

Florists budget is very useful thank you. I think I'll get the bouquet and buttonholes and then maybe head to the flower market and do the rest myself if the venue allows.

A Friday night work. I just hate asking people to take time of work to come. Or spend money on travel or anything. Which I know is me being a people pleaser as SOME of them will always have to travel.

The tricky other bits are that my family is MASSIVE. They take over the guest list. Even if I don't invite cousins and it's mostly aunts and uncles and their partners, my parents and my step siblings etc and my siblings and partners and my nieces and nephews... there's just so bloody many. 50 alone on just my family. 14 in just siblings and parents.

My grandparents are all passed so nothing from them. My fiancés parents believe the brides family should pay for the whole wedding (they're in their 70s).

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squeakyclean13 · 21/07/2023 21:38

We got married 5 years ago and didn't want to spend a lot. We had a town hall wedding and then a meal at a boutique hotel with just family only. The following weekend we had a party for friends in a tithe barn. It was lovely and intimate and heartfelt. There was no pressure and everyone got that we were doing it in our way. Children were central to it. Friends commented that it was a moving and yet relaxing experience. We spent 2k all in which was more than enough. Do that and spend the remaining £8k on your home! People get carried away with weddings and there really is no need!

Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:38

AHelpfulHand · 21/07/2023 21:32

people don’t get to dictate what they want if they aren’t paying for it.

it’s ok then saying we want to walk you down the aisle etc etc but you are the one paying for it.

it’s not the wedding day that counts, it’s the marriage and a lot of people forget that.

Trust me if I could skip the wedding and just be a wife I'd rather that. But it's also my fiancés wedding and he's stumping up most of the cash. So I'm fucked.

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bravotango · 21/07/2023 21:38

Nice church hall if you can find one, often no corkage either
DIY where you can - flowers, hair and makeup, invitations and table stuff
Smaller numbers
We went to a wedding once which was 20 people at the registry office followed by a fab dinner, the next day they had over 100 at a pub with a buffet and loads of speeches. Worked v well

Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:39

RandomMess · 21/07/2023 21:34

I had a sit down buffet in the church hall still had speeches etc.

I'm atheist. Feels wrong to get married in a church when I don't believe.

OP posts:
AssertiveGertrude · 21/07/2023 21:40

I think I’d just keep it parents and siblings and then throw a party

sorry but your parents can’t dictate (mind did and still resent it as they domineered me)

mostlydrinkstea · 21/07/2023 21:41

The fee for a C f E wedding is £640. If you want bellringers and an organist that is on top. If your local church has a hall you could hire that and bring in caterers or hire the local pub. It is possible to bring in the cost of a wedding under £10k if you sort out all the parts yourself but you don't get the confidence of going to to a venue and having them do it all for you. I married a couple once who walked to church, they pulled smart outfits out of the wardrobe, picked flowers from the garden and went to the pub afterwards. It was done and dusted for around £1500.

GetWhatYouWant · 21/07/2023 21:42

The day of the week and time of year makes a huge difference. My son got married in November on a Sunday, the exact same arrangements on the Saturday cost 5k more. Does your budget include money from parents/grandparents? I can't believe your parents would say they want certain things to happen at your wedding and not pay anything towards it. Are your fiance's parents contributing any of the costs?

ActDottie · 21/07/2023 21:42

My brother had a fantastic wedding for about c£12k and they had a lot of guests.

They married at a church then put a marquee up in a local field, got external caterers in and it was fine. Ok not as high end as some weddings I’ve been too but everyone still had a great time.

RuthW · 21/07/2023 21:42

So far it's cost us:

£600 for registrar at registry office
£600 for s nice room holding 24 at the registry office
£70 to give notice.

That's before we find a meal for 21 people.

KitchenSinkLlama · 21/07/2023 21:42

Tbh what is more important, one day and lots of debt/loss of savings, or a smaller more intimate event and you keep the ££ for something more sensible.

The wedding industry is laughing all the way to the bank.

Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:44

Ok I suppose it might be a case of me growing a backbone and doing the reg office and a party. I just wanted what I wanted I guess. But can't afford it - like thousands of other couples I'm sure.

It just feels sad. It shouldn't cost a house deposit to have all the components of a wedding. Nothing crazy, just a wedding on the beach and a BBQ and dancing.

I can't do the church thing. My parents meant they wanted a civil ceremony somewhere with the reception like a hotel (though I know they'd have preferred church I did put my foot down there).

I also feel bad as I could have added £9k to the pot. But earlier this year I had to spend it on private medical treatment for something because the NHS didn't do the procedure and I didn't have insurance. So I feel I've let the side down.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:45

GetWhatYouWant · 21/07/2023 21:42

The day of the week and time of year makes a huge difference. My son got married in November on a Sunday, the exact same arrangements on the Saturday cost 5k more. Does your budget include money from parents/grandparents? I can't believe your parents would say they want certain things to happen at your wedding and not pay anything towards it. Are your fiance's parents contributing any of the costs?

Yes my parents have given a few thousand and my mum says she'll buy my dress. But most is from DP.

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Pilatyay · 21/07/2023 21:47

The important thing really is what sort of wedding do your and your partner want? Do you want a big wedding with the trimmings or would you be happy with something a bit more stripped back? Even though you have a huge family do you really want them all there?

We booked a beautiful hotel wedding package out of season and it was 60% cheaper than peak season. I'd never really considered one before but it was honestly so great to just be able to choose what we wanted and for it to be arranged, I do think if we had done it ourselves these costs could have easily spiralled and actually ended up costing us more. We did negotiate to get some rooms included in the price too, so the part the ceremony was in and the grounds felt nice and private as it was just guests staying in the rooms. They also helped us with some stuff that wasn't as standard, ie we got a hog roast for midnight from a local company they had links with for a really good price.

I'd say don't worry about doing it when people might need time off or to pay a bit to travel, just give as much notice as you can. I have been to such a wide variety of weddings though, from registry office through to stately home and I've loved them all. As long as you invite people you genuinely love and care about they'll be happy to celebrate with you.

Jimminir · 21/07/2023 21:47

My wedding is planned for next May.

On a huge estate with a deer park attached. We are getting married in the orangery which is beautiful.

The package from the venue is 12.5k and that’s on a Thursday! That’s for canapés, wedding breakfast, Buffett and drinks included for 60 guests.

I still need to get suits, dress, bridesmaids dress, shoes, wedding make up/hair, cake, guest book, photo booth etc

Unfortunately if that’s the kind of wedding you want that’s what you have to pay for a nice one.

Original poster
TheWayoftheLeaf · 21/07/2023 21:48

My fiancés parents won't contribute as it's not tradition. I can't complain about that as they helped us with the deposit on our house.

It's just one of those situations. Everyone wants a piece and I'm the only one not giving enough to make it happen. Which I think is why I feel so weak about it all.

I had savings and now they're gone. So I'm kind of at the mercy of everyone else's wants.

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Bakingdiva · 21/07/2023 21:48

Some village halls have wedding licences and they can look stunning all done up - couple of hundred quid to hire for the weekend