Weddings in England - how are they so expensive?

[TheWayoftheLeaf]

I know I'm probably a dumbass. But I just got engaged (yay) to my partner of 9 years. I always knew weddings were expensive of course... but I didn't know HOW expensive.

I've started looking today at venues and to be honest it's just made me really sad. It's all so incredibly expensive. My cousins got married recently and now I'm in awe at the beautiful events they put on.

I suppose I never appreciated it before trying to plan my own. I have about £10,000 to spend. Which in my head was plenty (a deposit on a house in some areas for ONE DAY).

Anyway, I can get married in Cornwall, London or Yorkshire because of family and friends being split across the three. But every venue I see is most of the budget. Or if I find a cheaper venue then the food is oddly more expensive and takes it up to a similar amount. Thousands on just food (and of course all venues ban outside food or only their selected £££ suppliers). At this rate I'll have a venue and food, maybe flowers, and that's it for my £10k.

Does anyone know any nice venues in those areas? (Top of Cornwall not bottom so it's not too long for the rest of the family to get there). That don't cost so so much?

I know I could do the registry office and I've suggested eloping but my fiancé wants a wedding and my parents and siblings really want one because I'm the first to get engaged.

I'm really down by it all. It seems insane. The only wedding venues I don't really like are barns. They can be lovely but they're just not for me - I don't want to insult anyone's lovely weddings I just dislike them for me.

Any ideas? In my dreams it was a beach wedding, an orangery, a greenhouse, an elegant hall. I'd do a forest but with the UK weather that's obviously not possible.

Any advice or ideas?

My exact package cost 3k more on a Fri and 6k more on a day too.

Yes I agree. I wanted to run away to Scotland but he said no. I wanted to go to France and elope and he said no.

I suggested a registry and party my parents said no.

We found the hotel wedding packages much cheaper than wedding venues where you have to pay a hire fee. And everything was included so easy to budget, and you pay per head so cheaper if guests decline or can’t come. We had ours at Hotel du Vin. Or you could go to town hall and then book out a restaurant? Might be easier if you do low season or a weeknight

And yes, oddly I do care about the aunts and uncles. I was a bridesmaid for many of their weddings. I was the only cousin to be so. Not because I'm older but because I'm the favourite! 😂

I'd feel awful to then not invite them to my own.

My auntie went up to Scotland and got married in Gretna Green. It was a lovely day too.

@Jimminir Gretna was my idea too. I thought it would be romantic and intimate and sweet. But it's not just my wedding.

Well ya boo to them. It is a "real" wedding. If you go to the right one you can walk down the middle of all the chairs. Wear a white dress have the whole family. They don't make you hide away in a cupboard.

My in-laws got a bit pushy about what they wanted so I pulled the wedding. When we went back to it a couple of years later they were good as gold and did t make a fuss. Stick to your guns. A lot of money is spent on a load of flimflam. Ultimately it's just a party...

It’s definitely worth looking into different times of year, although that will obviously depend on if you might want more of an outdoor event?

Our venue, for example, had 20% off if you had a non-Saturday wedding in low wedding season.

Buffets are definitely more cost effective with big numbers. We’ve been to one wedding where they had pizza from street food trucks and it was amazing.

Its worth deciding what aspects of the wedding are really important for you. If it’s having all your family there, then that will have an impact on how much can be spent on other things, but that isn’t a bad thing necessarily.

I felt really stressed about requiring so much of our family to travel and we reiterated to people that we weren’t expecting them to give us much in the way of gifts. We also tried to choose a venue (a hotel) where there was sufficient accomodation for the people we were inviting which wasn’t too expensive. That also meant that people weren’t having to pay for taxis etc.

I know you don't want a church wedding, but in case there's anyone else reading, a CofE wedding is £505

Could you find a pretty enough registry office for a ceremony, then have reception in a nearby pub (with a function room) or get caterers in to a community centre? Or is anyone in the near-ish family circle a member of somewhere like a golf club, or any other association with rooms?

Also check out Friday the 13ths and January prices

My DD got married in church this year
It was a few hundred (plus cash of bellringers and amazing flower ladies)

I went to a posh expensive wedding venue recently, the food wasn't great. They also mixed up the vegetarian food with the non-veg food 😳

And I'm sorry but cost of living and all that you'll need the money more than you'll need a fancy venue

Yes I suppose it is. Maybe I'll just wait a few more years. Save more. I guess everyone's stressing me out as they all want it to be next year or the year after. I've been fighting for a raise for a year now. Not got one.

Not sure why they're all so keen. I think they want my fiancé locked into the family 😂 After so many years you'd think they'd stop worrying but everyone hugged him when we announced our engagement not me!

Tbh I would of had a much smaller (cheaper😂) wedding planned but my partner wants the big white wedding! He is the one planning most of it! I’m just going along with it and obviously the venue is nice.

It is a real riot we’ve chosen to elope and it’ll be £1500-2000 pretty much still

Tell them they are causing you stress and to shut up and you'll make sure they know when and where it is

@RegentCafe Church of England and Catholic Church have their fees set for them.

I go married in another denomination and I just paid a donation - I was regular member of the congregation though and they knew we didn't have much money.

@cherryassam I'd love street trucks but they're £1.5-2k a pop for one hour now.

@roseandrose sadly I have no family who are members of anywhere. No hairdresser, no photographers, no florists. Nothing.

Damn them all for being bloody doctors and nurses and midwives. Useless (obviously joking).

Legal fees for CoE are a maximum of £641 heating, bell ringers, support of the verger, musicians inc organist area extra

If your DH is the one with the money and the grand plans - let him sort it according to his budget.

You keep saying what other people want, when they want it and whatever else. Its your and your partners wedding, don't feel you need to people please. Yes you want it to be enjoyable for people and for them to be happy and fed and watered, but even if you usually put everyone else first just for one day do what you actually want!

@noglow oh my god you GENIUS. Friday the 13! Of course!

It's brilliant. I'll look into that.