Weddings in England - how are they so expensive?

[TheWayoftheLeaf]

I know I'm probably a dumbass. But I just got engaged (yay) to my partner of 9 years. I always knew weddings were expensive of course... but I didn't know HOW expensive.

I've started looking today at venues and to be honest it's just made me really sad. It's all so incredibly expensive. My cousins got married recently and now I'm in awe at the beautiful events they put on.

I suppose I never appreciated it before trying to plan my own. I have about £10,000 to spend. Which in my head was plenty (a deposit on a house in some areas for ONE DAY).

Anyway, I can get married in Cornwall, London or Yorkshire because of family and friends being split across the three. But every venue I see is most of the budget. Or if I find a cheaper venue then the food is oddly more expensive and takes it up to a similar amount. Thousands on just food (and of course all venues ban outside food or only their selected £££ suppliers). At this rate I'll have a venue and food, maybe flowers, and that's it for my £10k.

Does anyone know any nice venues in those areas? (Top of Cornwall not bottom so it's not too long for the rest of the family to get there). That don't cost so so much?

I know I could do the registry office and I've suggested eloping but my fiancé wants a wedding and my parents and siblings really want one because I'm the first to get engaged.

I'm really down by it all. It seems insane. The only wedding venues I don't really like are barns. They can be lovely but they're just not for me - I don't want to insult anyone's lovely weddings I just dislike them for me.

Any ideas? In my dreams it was a beach wedding, an orangery, a greenhouse, an elegant hall. I'd do a forest but with the UK weather that's obviously not possible.

Any advice or ideas?

Well if you are an atheist obviously do not get married in a church. That’s pointless. I’ve been to lovely registry weddings. It’s all about the couple and the feeling being right. That’s what I always remember about a wedding. The fanciest wedding I went to the couple split less than a year later and I wasn’t surprised. The feeling was completely not there. Just do you as a couple and you’ll be fine.

Im a wedding planner (not in the locations you are looking at) and i think it definitely can be done. Do as much research as possible, consider booking within 6 months of the wedding - a lot of venues have late availability discounts, have your numbers figured out and tell the venue you have this many people, whats the cheapest they can do? We include champagne as standard in quotes but can change it to prosecco to make it cheaper etc

Don't forget golf course clubhouses. I randomly looked at google maps, one in Cornwall - Porthpean Golf Club and one in Yorkshire [ Scarbourough North Cliff Golf course. Both have beautiful views overlooking the sea, and catering available. No mention of prices, but because they are not 'wedding' venues the prices are sometimes less.

We've been to two weddings at golf courses and they were both fantastic. One was higher budget, and one quite small, but both were lovely.

@TheWayoftheLeaf I live very near Wentbridge House - it’s lovely! Quiet village setting.

If that’s a good location, also check out Kings Croft in Pontefract. They have a wedding pavilion which is like a small glass marquee, so you’ll get that country/outside feel. Very good pricing for off-peak/twilight packages. Might give you the vibe you’re looking for but also satisfy the traditional element it sounds like your parents want.

I'd love to do vegetarian as me and DP are vegetarian. But I've heard enough bitching from family to know they'd talk about it being cheap for YEARS.

Also bank holiday Sundays and Mondays are all now charged at Saturday prices

@ghislaine i couldn't care less about my bouquet. Happy to go to a flower market and hold them raw handed

Wow, interesting to read. Weddings are ridiculously expensive. Here in the USA I’m sure they’re just as expensive. I’ve been married a good while and it wasn’t such a huge expenditure. We got married in church, we didn’t have to pay anything, maybe because we were members there. Also had the reception in the church hall, again didn’t have to pay. Same for the pastor who officiated. Our families, friends, and church members came together to decorate the church and hall, make the food and drinks and serve. There was an incredibly cute and elegant anteroom where I got ready and people in and out since it was there in the church. My husband and I paid for the cake, bouquet, flowers for the lapels and maid of honor/flower girl flowers. I only paid for my dress and veil, and my maid of honor’s dress and flower girl’s dress. I think that’s it. The programs were designed and printed out there are the church. My husband’s father did all the music and took care of all the musicians as he was the choirmaster. He submitted music selections for our approval. Our friend was the photographer. We did try to pay all these people (not my fil, all the others), sent them checks, but none of them would take our money. A friend ‘coordinated’ the wedding. I was extremely shy and it was nerve wracking to walk down the aisle. My husband had ushers bring in chairs for us to sit in during part of the service. He told me that’s how they do it. I didn’t find out until later that he did that so I wouldn’t feel as much on display 😂

It was so nice to drive away on our honeymoon. My cheeks were sore for days from smiling so much.

Congratulations, Op!! I hope you’re able to have the wedding of your dreams. My suggestion would be to have the wedding and reception at someone’s house/property if you know anyone who has a large garden where you can have 100 or so people. Erect a large party tent. I know that might not be feasible, but it’s an idea that would save so much money. Have family and friends cater the food. If you have a buffet, even easier. Scour your contacts, your fiancé’s contacts, both families’ contacts, friends, employers even, you’d be surprised at how excited everyone is for you and would be happy to help. So many people volunteered to help us, we didn’t even have to ask. I was too shy in those days to ask, but today? I would definitely be willing to ask for help. It’s too much expense otherwise.

I would have been happy with a supermarket bouquet too. I did my own makeup. A lot of things don’t have to be done by professionals.

@MysteryBelle lucky you. In the UK everything from the church to the official contract to the flowers etc would cost you. My friends are all doctors, midwives, lawyers, PAs, joiners, builders, roofers.

I'm not a member of a church community. I have no community. I left them behind when I chose to run to London 10 years ago.

@MysteryBelle also while most of my elder family own homes they are terraces or town houses with no gardens. Anyone my age bar me doesn't own a home. Lol my 2 bed flat cost £700,000 ($900,000).

@MysteryBelle the UK is not the US. Especially if not religious. I have friends but I have no community. Nobody will do anything for me. Nobody will do free work, nobody will donate.

We are not the same.

www.yorkshirewoodlandweddings.co.uk/what-we-offer/

Try here, it's amazing.

I’m confused. I thought it was traditional for the grooms parents to contribute. Here’s what I found online:

As a guide, here's a list of the expenses traditionally covered by the parents of the groom: the wedding rings, officiant's fee, marriage license, the bride's bouquet, boutonnieres and corsages for the immediate family, music (band/DJ), liquor at the reception and the honeymoon.

IMO, they are being a bit mean if they can afford it but are saying no they won’t contribute because of “tradition”. I mean, they don’t have to contribute , but then just own that decision by saying they just don’t want to contribute.

a registry office can be quite nice? I’ve got no idea of the cost, but it’s not like saying “I do” at the post office counter. The one I attended as a guest, I’d go so far as to say it was quite grand!

Some pubs look absolutely fantastic and can do weddings very affordably without having to spend much on the decor stuff. If your budget doesn’t allow, it’s easy for them to do a cash bar. You can do beer, wine and fizz - or just the fizz - if you can manage it. I’d prioritise feeding people properly over a full bar, but I’d prioritise a full bar over things like favours, expensive non seasonal flowers etc.

flowerwise, greenery and fillers can look stunning when used cleverly and you can save the more expensive stems for your bouquet.

but I hear what you are saying - it’s disappointing that you have to spend so much to get a vaguely traditional wedding these days. I’ve seen a lot of tik toks, reels etc recently where costs are compared between exactly the same wedding today vs prices quoted for the 2020 season. It wasn’t that long ago but costs (and I mean for everyone, including wedding suppliers) have shot up!

Seriously, nobody would do anything to help you if you were organising a wedding without wanting to go to great expense?

I'm not in the UK or the US, but many people here are willing to help with things like this.

@TheWayoftheLeaf
So you've wentbridge and Kings Croft to check out in west Yorks now :)

I've been to both and recommend both

They're very different but both have some lovely spots for photos

Wentbridge feels more personal, I think because it's family run and all the staff know each other. There are a couple of pubs in the village that guests can stay at as well as the hotel and of course, premier inns etc are always nearby

Kings Croft, I don't know about the accommodation there specifically but lots locally
They do events - proms, Abba tribute night etc - never had a bad meal there at those kind of nights

There are ways to cut costs in seemingly smaller areas of the wedding. When I got married (12 years ago) I remember the price of the meal per person at the reception practically doubled if you wanted covers on the seats. So take that fancy stuff out and you'll save a fair bit.

Please stop beating yourself up over your lack of savings to contribute. Imagine if you'd earmarked that 9k for your wedding and chose that over a medical procedure you clearly needed. That would be insane!

OP you can do all the white dress, walking down the aisle etc at a registry office. I've been to tonnes of weddings in London registry offices and they all have been that type of wedding. Both Islington and Camden have good capacity and are attractive spaces, if you're north London based.

We got married in London in the city. We found a load of restaurants/pubs that didn't open at the weekend so didn't charge a venue hire, only a minimum spend, as they were already making extra by opening for us. Was a great way of cutting costs.

We also didn't have a sit down meal, but rather bowl food and canapés. Lots of places to sit still, but meant we saved on formal table decorations and could get more food for the price.

No bridesmaids either. I couldn't choose from my friends, but the secondary benefit was not having to pay for dresses/flowers/make up etc.

Finally, get married late in the day. Less time to hire a place, you don't have to provide multiple meals, and I don't know anyone who enjoys a 12 hour wedding anyway.

You say you’re an atheist, have you considered a Humanist ceremony? You would need to do the legals beforehand but if you book that for a weekday and with 2 witnesses the registry office charges around £50. Then you can get a celebrant to create something special where you get to walk down the aisle at your wedding venue without compromising your values etc.

There’s a lot of gorgeous barn venues in Yorkshire which are a bit more flexible in terms of suppliers. When we married, we massively cut food costs by having an Indian restaurant cater a curry buffet.

Do begin by prioritising what you actually want and what matters to your guests - bin anything that doesn’t make you feel good, whether that’s favours or sending cousin Steve!

Good luck.

The Wentbridge Hotel is lovely. When I had to organise an event (not a wedding) in that part of the world, the Owston Hall hotel - and golf club - just off the A19 north of Doncaster - was cheapest, and also lovely

Is it that Pontefract/Doncaster area you want? I'm wondering if Ackworth School might just weddings? .

I've also been to the Woodman @ Thunderbridge (S of Huddersfield) for a funeral - on the list that @cherryassam posted.It's gorgeous.

I skipped some stuff at my wedding so the money was spent on things that mattered to me. So I didn't get a florist for flowers or table centres, I crafted my own. I didn't have a wedding car. No way was I going to pay for chair covers when they cost more than my dress.

We spent 13k total, including:

• fully catered Fri-Sun - food, booze all weekend in November.
• paid for rooms for 18 key members of the guestlist.
• country hall location, sit down dinner, ceremony on site.

We used a DIY venue called Hargate Hall, which is technically in Derbyshire, but is about as central as you can get for your guestlist. For us it meant that most guests had an OK journey rather than some massive, some nothing.

For costs:

• flowers were origami paper roses made by a friend
• they charge very cheap prices to tart up the venue for you
• no cars, photography was a gift from a talented friend
• it is cheaper to get a caterer to travel an hour from a cheap town than it is to hire an expensive local

Admittedly not Yorkshire but a gorgeous venue in lancs might be worth keeping an eye on websites/ Instagram other venues are sure to do offers if you can compromise on date/numbers

https://vouchers.jamesplaces.co.uk/offers/mitton-hall-late-availability-weddings/

You haven’t let the side down by having medical treatment you are more important than what people think should happen for a wedding. Just find what you can for the budget and put the rest aside the most important thing is that you are well and happy to be getting married.

The Wentbridge looks lovely and those prices are fantastic! There's a venue close to me which is quite popular where they charge £90 a head for the wedding breakfast, £45 a head just for a childs meal! It's disgraceful what places are charging and it baffles me that people are actually paying it...