Weddings in England - how are they so expensive?

[TheWayoftheLeaf]

I know I'm probably a dumbass. But I just got engaged (yay) to my partner of 9 years. I always knew weddings were expensive of course... but I didn't know HOW expensive.

I've started looking today at venues and to be honest it's just made me really sad. It's all so incredibly expensive. My cousins got married recently and now I'm in awe at the beautiful events they put on.

I suppose I never appreciated it before trying to plan my own. I have about £10,000 to spend. Which in my head was plenty (a deposit on a house in some areas for ONE DAY).

Anyway, I can get married in Cornwall, London or Yorkshire because of family and friends being split across the three. But every venue I see is most of the budget. Or if I find a cheaper venue then the food is oddly more expensive and takes it up to a similar amount. Thousands on just food (and of course all venues ban outside food or only their selected £££ suppliers). At this rate I'll have a venue and food, maybe flowers, and that's it for my £10k.

Does anyone know any nice venues in those areas? (Top of Cornwall not bottom so it's not too long for the rest of the family to get there). That don't cost so so much?

I know I could do the registry office and I've suggested eloping but my fiancé wants a wedding and my parents and siblings really want one because I'm the first to get engaged.

I'm really down by it all. It seems insane. The only wedding venues I don't really like are barns. They can be lovely but they're just not for me - I don't want to insult anyone's lovely weddings I just dislike them for me.

Any ideas? In my dreams it was a beach wedding, an orangery, a greenhouse, an elegant hall. I'd do a forest but with the UK weather that's obviously not possible.

Any advice or ideas?

https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/ceremony-and-reception/cheap-wedding-venues-yorkshire/

A bit old but might have some ideas

Have you been on your local councils website, and that of the areas you would consider? On their website, they list every single place you can legally get married within that council area. There's some surprising ones.

Have a look for a nice hotel that does weddings, it doesn’t have to be at a stately home type place to be beautiful.

We have a lovely flat and secluded field that we are happy to give to family and friends for weddings. They just put up a marquee/ tent and either have food trucks or sit down food or whatever they want. It makes for a fantastically individual event as no one else’s wedding will ever be the same and far cheaper as you can bring in your own alcohol.

Mirabai
If your DH is the one with the money and the grand plans - let him sort it according to his budget

Not a bad point - this.

You say you can't afford the ideal wedding, but really I think you mean you can't afford the ideal wedding other people want, which is a completely different kettle of fish.

You don't have to decide when and where this week. Take a breath. Let the excitement settle a little. Don't talk to anyone other than your fiancé. Get him looking at a few venues / packages. Reach an agreement with him and then tell everyone else, as a fait accompli. No discussions, no negotiations with anyone other than him.

Have a look at some of these registry offices in London, since that's on the list - some of these are stunning!

https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/ceremony-and-reception/best-registry-offices-london/

Worth phoning some independent schools to see if they do weddings or will hire out a venue in the holidays. There are some beautiful rooms available for not a lot of money.

Do not spend a fortune because people who aren't paying for it want you to throw an event for them.

FFS

I'd be firm: registry office and dinner/party. Or people who think you should be putting on a show at an expensive venue with expensive food should put their money where their expectations are.

I got married on a Wednesday. The fuck was I gonna pay three times the price to get married on Saturday thats the biggest rip off ever.

I know it's a good point. I'd say it to someone else on here. But to have more money he works longer hours in a more stressful job.

He WILL be involved in planning. I'm not doing it all alone just because I'm the low earner. He's just been kind of ignoring it as has his family whereas mine has been GUNNING for it on every phone call.

So I did the initial sweep and got stressed. But I'm not doing the whole 'I'm the bride so I'm planning' shit. It's 2023. I've not done laundry in years because of him. He will have input.

This cheered me up. It's just hard because I'm the one who moved hundreds of miles away and made a life.

It's a lot more money than just one day off for a Wednesday wedding 400miles away. Although a fair few of them are retired. And honestly I don't mind if people can't come... keeps my costs down.

I was going to suggest the venue from my wedding - it's the first on the list on this site!

Priest's House, Barden Tower. It's stunning and wonderful. And they did all our flowers (bride and bridesmaids bouquets, buttonholes and decorated the venue with fresh flowers, inc table centerpieces, for a fraction of what a florist would have charged). Food was amazing too.

You can still walk down the aisle at a registry office, and there are some lovely ones.
A registry office followed by a function somewhere is no different (other than the religion bit) than a church followed by a function somewhere - which would have traditionally happened.

I'm delighted your fiancé is involved in the planning. Sounds like you need to let your family know you'll be taking your time to plan something that both you and your fiancé want. I'm with you - why spend a house deposit on a party, and not the one you want

When my sister got engaged she overheard our Mum and aunts planning heaven only knows what sort of a wedding. She put her foot down very firmly and planned the whole wedding in about 2 months, giving no one any time to disagree and she'd already booked whatever by the time anyone else had thought about it. It was a lovely day.

it’s not the wedding day that counts, it’s the marriage and a lot of people forget that.

This is so true. The reasons weddings can be so expensive is because so many brides want "the full works".

OP it's your wedding, well yours and your partner's, so you do what you want. I'm an only child and we had a very small wedding which didn't cost a fortune. My parents and PILs put money towards it and the only thing my DM asked was that a favourite cousin of hers was invited, which was fine by us.

You’ve got a fantasy in your head but reality won’t be like that. I mean getting married on a beach in England: have you seen the forecast tomorrow?!?

Some great ideas on this thread so I hope you find a solution. I did the whole thing for less than 3k at a local golf club - took a florist lesson, got a friend to make the cake, secondhand dress, family took photos. It was lovely. Good luck.

Definitely have the wedding YOU want OP. Also, why do people pay for chair covers? Who even goes to a wedding and thinks 'oo, lovely chair covers' 🧐

I forgot to say, my exDH actually did most of the organising of our wedding, which suited me as I hate organising things and he is a born organiser. Other than choosing my dress and flowers and a little input into a few other things all I had to do was turn up!

I was wedding planning start of the year for wedding next summer. Wanted an outdoor boho festival style wedding the more I looked into it all, visited venues, went to wedding fairs, the more disillusioned I got with it all. I ended up feeling like I was spending vast amounts of money for everyone else to have a nice day out.

We have been together 13 years we have 2 kids and so much that needs spending on in the house, boiler windows etc i couldn't justify blowing such huge amounts of money on one day. So we've booked an elopement package in cyprus for 1800 quid. Our close families are coming for a weeks holiday with us which is what we were planning on doing anyway next year. The day is about us not everyone else I wanted to go elope in Scotland just the two of us but he wanted his family there so we've compromised

The day after the big event everyone Is married whether they've spent 500 quid or 50k. It's your day, yours and your partners do what you want and you can afford.

If you are considering Yorkshire, have a look at New Craven Hall in Leeds. Yes, its an industrial unit, but you can trim it all up yourself. DD and her DP have booked it for around £2k, plus Leeds town hall reg office at 4pm, so evening only rental of NCH. We reckon with those timings and 100 guests, we are bringing it in for £14k

Catering is far and away the biggest expense in my experience. We kept our costs down by choosing a fairly ugly function venue instead of the local stunning Instagram spots. If I say so myself, it was a fantastic wedding because the atmosphere was great and everyone was included. The venue was popular with Indian families/families with a culture of multi-day weddings with hundreds of guests. Maybe worth exploring where Indian families have receptions in your area?!

Otherwise, hire out a pub or restaurant.

Other things -

• don't bother hiring a special car.
• minimise flowers and use in season.
• secondhand dress (loads of bargains, wedding dresses lose value instantly)
• cash bar
• E-invitations

Oh yes, because that would be MUCH cheaper...

One way to cut costs is to decide what is really important to you. It sounds like for you, it’s family. Feeding and watering them will probably be a big part of your budget. Vegetarian catering should be less expensive than a meat-based meal. Have a limited bar eg beer and wine only, no spirits.

Some other cost-cutting options:

Get married on the Sunday of a bank holiday weekend.

Secondhand dress from https://www.stillwhite.com/shop?price=0-200 (I just filtered this to show dresses under £200). Or many high st or department stores have a very reasonably priced wedding range eg Monsoon, Debenhams, John Lewis.

Minimalist or no table decorations, don’t bother with chair covers or aisle bows etc.

Minimalist flowers - have you got your heart set in a huge bouquet? I know you said you’re an atheist but I carried a “bible bouquet” which was basically a small floral arrangement on my christening bible. If there’s a book you and your fiancé love, maybe carry that?

No dj or live music, create your own playlist and play it via your iPod instead.

Have a small cake of one tier for show and cutting and have a sheet cake out the back which can be served to guests.

I did barn - I’m honestly not offended that you don’t like them but I would say is that they work out so much cheaper as often you can bring your own booze and they just charge some low corkage like 1 pound a bottle and let you use one of a number of caterers. That saves you literally $$$$$$. On the flip side they are more time consuming as you have to organise literally everything yourself.

I know. And I do know they're a good option. I just know I'd dislike it and be sad I chose a barn.

I've been to beautiful barn weddings. I'd rather elope. Maybe it's because my grandparents were farmers idk. I don't like it (for me). Being brutally honest I'd resent paying thousands to get married where my grandparents livestock lived.

It I'm sure yours was glorious.