Weddings in England - how are they so expensive?

[TheWayoftheLeaf]

I know I'm probably a dumbass. But I just got engaged (yay) to my partner of 9 years. I always knew weddings were expensive of course... but I didn't know HOW expensive.

I've started looking today at venues and to be honest it's just made me really sad. It's all so incredibly expensive. My cousins got married recently and now I'm in awe at the beautiful events they put on.

I suppose I never appreciated it before trying to plan my own. I have about £10,000 to spend. Which in my head was plenty (a deposit on a house in some areas for ONE DAY).

Anyway, I can get married in Cornwall, London or Yorkshire because of family and friends being split across the three. But every venue I see is most of the budget. Or if I find a cheaper venue then the food is oddly more expensive and takes it up to a similar amount. Thousands on just food (and of course all venues ban outside food or only their selected £££ suppliers). At this rate I'll have a venue and food, maybe flowers, and that's it for my £10k.

Does anyone know any nice venues in those areas? (Top of Cornwall not bottom so it's not too long for the rest of the family to get there). That don't cost so so much?

I know I could do the registry office and I've suggested eloping but my fiancé wants a wedding and my parents and siblings really want one because I'm the first to get engaged.

I'm really down by it all. It seems insane. The only wedding venues I don't really like are barns. They can be lovely but they're just not for me - I don't want to insult anyone's lovely weddings I just dislike them for me.

Any ideas? In my dreams it was a beach wedding, an orangery, a greenhouse, an elegant hall. I'd do a forest but with the UK weather that's obviously not possible.

Any advice or ideas?

4.Pass all the planning to your fiancé.

You can’t afford what he wants so let him sort it out. Honestly it’s one day, focus on the marriage and not the wedding!

Can you look for a restaurant/hotel that is independent and offers wedding packages? I was searching for months for our venue and stumbled across it on an obscure website but loved the pictures. This was 2012, but we paid £2,950 for our wedding package (which last time I looked now is around £5k).
Could you maybe join some Facebook groups in the areas you are looking and ask for local advice/recommendations?
There are also ways to save, which I did, such as getting my dress at the NEC wedding show, making my own invites, asking those in the bridal party to pay for their own suits/dresses and using a friend as a photographer. My friend found her photographer who was more a nature photographer but his shots were quirky and they liked his style. He did their shoot for hundreds rather than thousands.
Good luck x

I would shut any conversation down about the wedding except with your fiance until you are ready to tell everyone plans. Do not discuss any part with anyone until it is confirmed. "We are thinking about booking this venue" leaves room for comment and debate. "This is where we are getting married. The ceremony will take place at x time on x date and these are some photos" gives no room as you are already committed.

Write a list of what is most important to you and what is most important to your fiance as that is where you spent the cash. For us it was rings and photos as they would be all that really remained after the day. No one else's opinion matters unless they intend to give money towards the day and even then I see it as a gift so shouldn't come with strings attached.

How much could you add to savings each year and would it be worth booking a few years ahead if you can increase it enough to get a venue you really love?

We got married abroad after realising how much it costs here and family politics so I can empathise with how you are feeling

This. Or your/his family. You don't need to run around trying to please them all. Tell them to start looking at packages and send you through some on-budget ideas - should focus everyone's minds.

Also - do you have to get married soon (i.e. next year/18 months)? If you want a big wedding and you don't have enough money for it now, then maybe wait and save a bit more.

You should stop feeling guilty for not contributing enough. You are not the one wanting a big wedding! If your partner is so keen, then he should be organising and paying for the excess. Your parents also don't get to say what they do and do not find acceptable. If you want a registry office and your partner is on board with that, then they will just have to walk you down the registry office aisle.
My aunt got married in registry office a couple of weeks ago. It was beautiful! We went for a lovely meal afterwards. No stress, no massive expense and it was a lovely day to spend as a family.

Carlyon Bay North Cornwall . My son got married on a Friday and it lowered the cost significantly .
Keep day guests to a minimum and rank it up in the evening.
There is a caravan site nearby too and the brides cousins stayed there to avoid high costs.
Try to do as much as you can yourself obviously to bring costs down .

I’ve recently got married and I spent around 7/8k all in. I had a beautiful church which held 80 and was £600. I then hired a nice village hall which was £700 and decorated it myself which I warn was hard work but really fun as wel all pitched in and it made it personal. Bbq buffet food and 2 free drinks each for 80 was £1200 and the rest was spent on bridesmaids, dress, suits, a dj, a classic car and all the extras.

I had simple wedding but it was the most fun, we still had the aisle walk the speeches and everything you are after. We got married in the countryside on a Saturday in summer. Guests say it’s the best they’ve been too as it was relaxed and all about the party. I’ve been to weddings where the venue and dinner alone was £14k and they were the worst weddings I’ve been too no atmosphere at all. If you have a budget you need to consider that the classic venues won’t come close.

Can I add I made all bouquets myself using artificial flowers it saved us thousands and they genuinely looked real. We had a quote of nearly £2k for flowers alone.

Suggest they pay then? Not trying to be goady but it's your wedding your rules and times have changed

This situation sounds awful and is reason why I dislike weddings in this country (In general).

Rich parents on both sides who want to dictate the day and complain if not up to their standards, but aren’t willing to contribute significantly. Bride trying to make the wedding day that everyone else wants and not for them.

Even with considerable savings I wouldn’t want to lose 10k of it to make everyone else happy.

There are plenty of ways to have a beautiful wedding for cheaper, but to meet judgemental family’s expectations in Cornwall or London expect to pay 20-30k imo..

A friend of mine did their wedding for £10k. They found a lovely hotel in their hometown near the beach. They actually got married in the hotel then had photos on the beach then back to the hotel for a BBQ and party. It was probably my favourite wedding. It was so laid back and fun and I actually came away full which I find is not the case with fancy food that costs thousands!
My wedding cost £1k but I was happy with registry office and a pub in a beautiful place. I didn’t want the wedding, just the marriage.
You can of course do a wedding for £10k or less, you just have to lower your expectations. I know people who have spent £40k on weddings and they weren’t that impressive for what they paid and I bet they’d love that money in their bank account right now.

We got married at a National Trust property (Nostell Priory near Pontefract in Yorkshire) with a registrar. I think the rental for that part of the venue (which was like the main hall of the house) was £150 and the registrar about £85. Then the rental for the rest of the venue (the renovated stables which was SO lovely) for the day and evening so was £1300. We opted for a pretty fancy caterer which I do regret. It wasn’t worth the amount we paid for it! I know friends who’ve done a buffet style one for about £10 a head and then a hog roast in the evening. You can also do stuff like instead of having a full bar hire a horse box bar or similar and have a couple of drinks paid where you give the guests a ‘token’ and they pay for any more above their couple of tokens each.

Having read some of your responses you seem to be pleasing way to many people for your day. Stop doing that straight away, it’s nice your family are interested but it’s your wedding not theirs. You and your fiancé need to do what you both want no one else. This way you can atleast spend your limited budget on what is actually important to you.

Secondly is there a reason for such a rush? If you want what you want why not wait until you have saved some more money for what you want?

Obviously loans and credit cards are an option to up the budget, but personally I wouldn’t take this route.

Go to some wedding fairs and shop around there will be more out there than you can image, don’t rush into the first things you see.

Try thinking outside the box with wedding venues. We explore quite a lot of England and I'm always surprised where does wedding ceremonies. Caves such a Wookie hole, museums , national trust sites. Heritage railways. There's a lot of historical sites in Yorkshire and wonderful views. Perhaps instead of looking at traditional sites, try something a bit different?

We got married on a Sunday which was SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper than any other day of the week because a lot of venues will book out Friday to sunday morning so our Sunday afternoon booking was a nice little bonus for them. We were also able to get a end of June wedding date with less than a year notice as most people won’t get married on Sundays. We wanted to get married on the anniversary of getting together so day of the week wasn’t important to us

We got married between Christmas and new year , it was a Friday but most people were on holiday and over half the guests stayed over at the country house hotel place , didn’t spend a fortune on flowers as the place was decorated for Christmas mainly candles and some good artificial flowers for too table (they get used as table centre piece at Christmas every year now). It was ten years ago but cost around £5k

My friend got her wedding package in a lovely local hotel on groupon or wowcher -so maybe look there (I’ve been to other weddings in the same venue and there wasn’t any difference between them and my friends ‘cheap deal’.

Try Masonic halls- our local one is beautiful and the hire cost is around £50, and they offer deals with some local caterers for discounts, but you can sort your own catering if you want.

March is often a cheaper month to get married.

You could consider buying your flowers from a florist but making up your displays yourself- we ordered X number of individual roses and made up the table centre pieces ourselves and it was much cheaper.

Do a registry office in Cornwall then book a pub the Jamaica inn is steeped in mystery and intrigue or the old prison at Princeton or there’s the water mill at black at in Devon

It sounds to me your parents and fiancé want a traditional family wedding. Your parents need to pay for it. They are rich, they want tradition. The bride parents pay for everything. Start visiting venues with them, involve them in the prep and if they still want it they pay for it. It is their money and if they are happy to spend it in a big party in a stately home than be it. In these types of weddings the couple has a little say really.

Porthilly Church is right next to the beach and overlooks Rock and Padstow. Even has steps down to the beach, we have lovely pictures of us on the beach and outside the church with the sea on tbe background.

We then had our reception at the Royal Cornwall showgrounds in Wadebridge.

Our entire wedding came on just under 10k. 50 people including ourselves.
It can be done. Problem is as soon as you mention wedding people jack prices up.

Also in Cornwall alot of venues require at least 100 guests, especially in summer and spring.

I was looking in England the costs I was getting for 100 people was insane! I’ve booked a beach hotel in Spain and the venue is 14k including food alcohol and canapés for the whole day. I was getting 20k + quotes for the UK

From my very limited experience, the ceremony is relatively cheap to the rest of the wedding.
Why not book a beautiful church for the ceremony and then a local hall for the party?
You could mix up several venues.
BTW, I had a barn wedding and the venue was more expensive than an "orangery" etc, shocking, but we liked it a lot.

If you’re open to London, then the town halls are perhaps not what you’d expect a registry office to look like - Islington, Hackney and Chelsea are all stunning inside - but they still tend to cost the standard £650 plus notices even for a prime Saturday slot. And there’s the aisle etc for the trad but non religious aspect of your day. Bonus they often have flowers in anyway so you don’t need to bring extra. Also worth looking at London pubs and venues in the ‘city’ that would normally be closed at a weekend for the reception. Bear in mind some of these pubs are stunning inside and also already come with everything you need so you can skip chair hire etc. You can often hire them on a min spend basis - food and wine on tables will cost you a chunk of the minimum spend and then if you don’t have a free bar in the evening (which is totally normal) then what people have in the evening contributes to that min spend too.
Finally, so much wedding stuff is expensive because people want specific or custom, so if you’re a bit more relaxed and shop around you can save a fortune. Etsy is great for dried flower bouquets / buttonholes. Places like Coast do beautiful wedding dresses at a fraction of the cost and you can have them altered if you need. Skip the bits that aren’t important to you… no one eats the almonds or table favours anyway

My church fees were a few hundred last year, of course it’s more if you add flowers, Bell ringing, organ etc but the standard fees worked out the same as a registry office with much less hassle

Firstly, congratulations on your engagement!

My partner and I got married in 2018 and were on a budget similar to yours. We live in the South East so things were pricey.

We had 10k and managed to find a venue (medieval chapel and Tudor style long hall) that was reasonably priced and included ceremony, reception, food, catering staff and things like linen, cutlery etc. As two women we were assuming we would use a civil wedding venue but the chapel congregation were incredibly welcoming to LGBT couples and it was actually cheaper! My parents kindly paid for this as their wedding gift to us. It was around 4k although I appreciate might be a bit more now. I should say we got married at the end of October which is a cheaper time of year and we kept the day guest list small and invited lots of guests in the evening.

My fianceé and I decided we would not stint on flowers or dresses but do everything else on the cheap. We had beautiful bouquets, button holes etc from our local florist who wasn’t cheap and we spent about 4k on our dresses and bridesmaid/flower girl dresses. We were lucky that the chapel had a wedding the day before and had left the flowers which matched our colour scheme so we just kept them. Candles are a cheap way of making a place feel special if your venue allows them.

The venue offered overnight accommodation so we opted for this instead of hiring cars to the venue. We also stayed there on our wedding night. We were able to invite bridesmaids for the night before which was lovely and I have great memories of this.

Everything else we either did cheaply, DIY or thought do we really need it? Table decorations, favours, venue decorations and chair backings we did ourselves. We had our cake made by a friend and just paid her for the ingredients. Hair and makeup we chose a local service who had good reviews - we didn’t bother having the trial run of hair/make up and everyone still looked incredible on the day. Photographer we chose a local lad who was starting up his business - due to his success he was about to put prices up but we got in early! Rings we just got from a high street shop (not super cheap but not silly prices either) and we paid a reasonable amount for a DJ.

I don’t have any regrets about not spending more because we had a beautiful day in a stunning venue and wonderful memories with our friends and family. Spending less also meant we were able to put down a house deposit two years later.

My advice would be to make a wish list of things you both really want to include in your wedding. Then decide which things you want to pay out for, which you can do yourself and then see if you know any friends or family who can do/make something.

Try not to get too disheartened, your wedding is one of the most magical days of your life and just remember you are the one getting married, not your family members!