Gay son and younger siblings

[Findme23]

My son is 16 and has a boyfriend. They both kiss infront of my 7 and 8 year old sons. It's sometimes just a peck on the lips. Or slightly longer type kiss but nothing over the top . And they sit closely hold hands etc.

I have felt that my 7 and 8 year old are ok to see this. I have told them that all relationships are different, sometimes its 2 woman or 2 man or 1 of each. They don't make it an issue they do make silly giggle sounds and point etc . But that's no difference to if they was to see me kiss their dad . Just standard silly kid stuff.

I also want them to know different relationships are normal so they grow up with it and won't really question it or it be a thing when they are older.

Now ex feels the complete opposite that gay people should not kiss infront of children. It should be kept behinde closed doors. But he has nothing against gays .

Me and their dad were not living together. But we were still seeing each other. That is done with now . And he's not spending any sort of time in the house like he used to or the odd weekend like he used to. Kids have asked why. So far I have just said things like daddy is in a rush , to miss traffic. So you can see nanny faster and hings like that.

Just to add my older son is gay as well but he's very private so he would not display any noticeable effection anyway . He gets on ok with him

Is my thinking wrong ?

Of course they're exposed to heterosexuality. Their parents are, most likely, a heterosexual married couple. Every couple they seem both in real life and in the media is heterosexual. And they're constantly given the message that to be gay is wrong, sinful, disguisting, worthy of death in some cases. Deviant, as @Annaishere would say. And yet some of them still turn out to be gay, and are horribly persecuted for it.

So now just being around people of the same sex is enough o turn you gay? Do you actually believe this shite?

@jennyjones198080 yes, I would disapprove. Unpopular opinion maybe, but romantic relationships should be a small part of a 16 yo social life. At 16 the primary focus should be exams, sixth form and uni. PDA is unnecessary in front of your siblings and parents at the best of times and a child does not need to be modelling relationships for their siblings.

That's sad. How old should someone be before they're allowed to have a normal committed relationship and not have all their focus on education. Are they allowed to have fun at all?

That's sad. How old should someone be before they're allowed to have a normal committed relationship and not have all their focus on education. Are they allowed to have fun at all?

Have fun - yes. Committed relationships, full on sex lives - surely not at 16.
I wouldn't be cool with teenagers canoodling in front of small siblings.

Holding hands and kissing on the lips isn’t a full in sex life. It’s kids stuff.

16 is the age of consent. I personally think it’s too young for sex but I don’t think it’s too young to date and kiss. And I think this is healthy and normal and shouldn’t have to be hidden.

Exactly.

@triforcetotem to be clear, I’m not completely anti teen dating, it has its place but personally I think it needs to be prioritised and conducted in an age appropriate way.

For me PDA at home is sending the signal that I would approve of a relationship that is equal to one between working adults. When in reality, I would not be okay with sex or it becoming encompassing enough to negatively affect home life, grades, friendships or extracurriculars.

Okay you are entitled to your opinion (even if it is odd to only condone relationships between working adults!).

i have never come across someone objecting to 16 year olds holding hands / but I guess there are all sorts of milk out there!

No it doesn’t turn you gay but you’re actually more inclined to engage in homosexual activities. I have seen it a lot. I’m bi and from a different culture where you’re pretty much segregated from men in different settings

Only straight married couples are accepted and even then Men and women who are married don’t hold hands in public, they don’t kiss in public that’s more of a western thing, straight couples aren’t alone together unless married, as it’s wrong and socially unacceptable. It is considered immodest. Straight couples are also very heavily restricted

"Also heavily reststeicted" implies that its on the same level as them being fucking executed.

Even if they are not snogging on public they are still openly a couple. People are not taught that heterosexuality is wrong and deviant and punished for it the way they are with heterosexuality. And yet some people still turn out to be gay, making the assertion of the PP that being around gay relationships makes a child gay completely idiotic.

@jennyjones198080 I have no clue why i wrote working either! It should just read adults

I didn’t say deviant. And I just think sexuality could be influenced in young teens. I’ve been told this by a bisexual friend. I don’t know it’s definitely true. I’m not a psychologist.

So if that’s true, won’t teen sexuality be influenced by the straight couples they see on TV or in the cinema? Amongst their wider circle of family and friends? By couples they see walking around the shops or sitting together in the park?

Plus you still haven’t explained what would be so awful if they were influenced by their older brothers.

I don’t really know the answer to that other than the majority would naturally tend toward heterosexuality.

I’m no longer talking about this specific set of children but I don’t think it’s so awful only that you’re saying it’s fine to influence children to be gay, and I don’t agree with it.

Oh FFS. I’m saying that you CAN’T influence children to be gay or straight.

How do you know that ?

Because as I and other posters have pointed out, how do you explain the existence of gay people in cultures where it’s not actively discouraged, but carries a prison or even a death sentence? Who influenced them to be gay? Surely every influence would have been in the opposite direction?

Where did the first gay people come from in a world geared towards heterosexuality? Who influenced them? Even in the UK, it’s barely 55 years since legalisation. Most people actively concealed their homosexuality - yet somehow, new ones kept popping up.

It’s almost as if it’s something we don’t have any control over…

You did say deviant, in your now deleted post.

If sexuality can be influenced, which <a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20110722080052/www.healthyminds.org/More-Info-For/GayLesbianBisexuals.aspx" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">there is absolutely no evidence that it can be, why is it okay in your eyes to influence children to become straight and not gay? And how do people who grew up in deeply homophobic environments become gay?

Looks like mumsnets embedded link function is broken.

It could be both nature/ nurture. There’s no way to know if there is more homosexuality / bisexuality now because people aren’t scared to come out, or if it’s because it’s almost encouraged. I agree there would be some gay people regardless

Of course people are still scared to come out. You should know this, you apparently are an expert due to your totally real bisexual friend who conveniently agrees with everything you believe about sexuality.

I don’t think I’m an expert on anything. My friend said that everyone has the potential to be bisexual and it’s whether we’re open to it

I suppose what bothers me about your posts @Annaishere is you clearly think heterosexuality is the ideal and anything else is to be avoided.

I am really surprised more people aren’t coming on here to call you out.

So are you (or your er... friend) saying that sexuality is a choice?