Gay son and younger siblings

[Findme23]

My son is 16 and has a boyfriend. They both kiss infront of my 7 and 8 year old sons. It's sometimes just a peck on the lips. Or slightly longer type kiss but nothing over the top . And they sit closely hold hands etc.

I have felt that my 7 and 8 year old are ok to see this. I have told them that all relationships are different, sometimes its 2 woman or 2 man or 1 of each. They don't make it an issue they do make silly giggle sounds and point etc . But that's no difference to if they was to see me kiss their dad . Just standard silly kid stuff.

I also want them to know different relationships are normal so they grow up with it and won't really question it or it be a thing when they are older.

Now ex feels the complete opposite that gay people should not kiss infront of children. It should be kept behinde closed doors. But he has nothing against gays .

Me and their dad were not living together. But we were still seeing each other. That is done with now . And he's not spending any sort of time in the house like he used to or the odd weekend like he used to. Kids have asked why. So far I have just said things like daddy is in a rush , to miss traffic. So you can see nanny faster and hings like that.

Just to add my older son is gay as well but he's very private so he would not display any noticeable effection anyway . He gets on ok with him

Is my thinking wrong ?

I’m not scared to talk about it.

but claiming we don’t know what causes homosexuality so we need to be cautious. And Saying homes shouldn’t exclusively have homosexual couples is homophobic.

your comments have repeatedly shown you view that homosexuality is less than ideal and something that children should be protected from. You don’t view as it just a normal part of life.

You’re taking what I said out of context. Are you saying kids and teens can’t be influenced this way ?

I didn’t mean to say caution, it was a bad choice of word

Kids who are gay can see it’s okay - that there is nothing wrong with them. That how they feel isn’t dirty or shameful . That they don’t need to hide it.

but You can’t ‘turn’ a straight child gay in the same way you can’t ‘turn’ a gay child straight.

the shame is on the people try to do this.

It sounds like your ex is either uncomfortable with having 2 gay sons or he’s moved on with someone else.
I think it’s normal for dads to be initially uncomfortable with their sons being gay, you have this idea of who they’ll be when they grow up, how they’ll meet a women and have kids etc so when that doesn’t happen, there’s a period of mourning. Might just take him a bit longer then usual because he’s now having to come to terms with a second son being gay. Probably having to see him in a sexual relationship kissing etc is a bit much for him maybe.
I don’t think my husband would be very comfortable seeing our 17 year old daughter kissing a boyfriend in our house let alone another girl.

So do you think it’s genetic ?

I think it’s just part of who people
are. Who we are attracted to is complex - I don’t think there is anything wrong with being gay or straight or bi sexual.
I think there has always been gay people in society - people who have been exposed to lots of heterosexual couples. I don’t think your arguments make any sense - how do you explain homosexuality in the 1800. These people didn’t grow up seeing open homosexuality.

I think you just aren’t comfortable with it - and of course you are entitled to your opinions. But dont pretend you aren’t intolerant.

Yes I am. Unless you have evidence otherwise?

So why is it okay for a child to be around straight couples and not gay ones?.

The idea that there are actually still people who think children will catch the gay from being around gay people is disturbing. Next you'll be talking about how it's a choice and the gay agenda and all those other homophobic tropes that should be going the way of the dodo.

You're a homophobe. And, no, saying 'some of my besties are bisexual' doesn't change that.

Hope this clarifies matters for you.

Deviant! Ding ding ding we have a winner.

So you think it's fine for children to be nudged towards being straight but not towards being gay?

If it deviates from an innate biological standard (whatever the fuck that means) why is that a bad thing?

I think the direction this conversation’s taking could be insensitive to the OP

Meaning you can't answer the question or your afraid of what it might show about you if you do?

I’ve already answered your question

Where? I don't see an answer to either question.

It’s implied, and I don’t have anything else to say. It’s a delicate subject and I don’t want anyone to feel upset or offended.

I think you need to be upfront with your children that the arrangement has changed so they’ll be seeing him outside the house. I imagine they’ll feel more secure knowing for certain. You can then reassure them, they will still spend time with him. They don’t need to know why the changes have taken place.

There is a world of difference between children being exposed to mild affection shown between committed adults (particularly when it’s their parents) and PDA between a teen couple in one of their parental homes. Personally, I think the latter is inappropriate irrespective of sexuality.

I don't see anywhere where you've said or even implied whether you think it's fine for children to be nudged towards being straight but not being gay, or what innate biological standard means, or why deviating from it is a bad thing.

I mean the answers to these questions can't possibly upset or offend anyone, since according to you you're not homophobic.

As a heterosexual family I like it when gay couples show a bit of PG wholesome affection in front of my kids. We live in such a heteronormative society where the dominant sexuality is presented as the only option on most TV programs and films etc. The reality is that there is a fair chance they will want to explore their own sexuality and they will definitely have close friends/family/colleagues that are gay. I want them to be comfortable with all different types of people. Brits are such prudes about PDA.

So you would disapprove of a 16 year old girl holding hands with her boyfriend infront of children? Or kissing him on the lips (no tongue)?

that is quite extreme

Ha! Nice fucking try. You churn out embarrassing nonsense about exposure to “deviant” sexuality and how it’s going to steer them away from “innate biological standards”- yet it’s the direction of the conversation that’s going to offend the OP? YOU and your startlingly ignorant comments are what sent the conversation in this direction! A bit fucking late now to try the old “I think we should all stop as we might upset the OP” trick.

Did any of this really make sense in your brain (I use the word loosely) before you put it on the page? If heterosexuality is genuinely an innate biological standard”, how could external factors influence it? If it’s innate, it’s fixed, it’s built-in, uncontrollable - that’s literally what innate means!

If homosexuality or bisexuality is somehow the result of outside influence, explain how, in the depressingly vast parts of Africa and the Middle East where homosexuality is still illegal (to the point of being punishable by death in some countries), you still get gay people. Explain to me how all the people being arrested in those countries are being influenced by the “promotion” of homosexuality. Every message they are given is that homosexuality is wrong - worse than that, if they get caught, they could pay with their lives. Yet still gay people exist in these societies. Where did they come from? Where did the influence come from?

And in those cultures, children aren’t exposed to heterosexuality either. Their parents don’t kiss, everything is kept behind closed doors

In those cultures they’re also more likely to be sex segregated and sex deprived so when you’re only in the company of your own sex and emotions are wild, you gravitate to the same sex