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Original poster

Gay son and younger siblings

192 replies

Findme23 · 21/07/2023 14:21

My son is 16 and has a boyfriend. They both kiss infront of my 7 and 8 year old sons. It's sometimes just a peck on the lips. Or slightly longer type kiss but nothing over the top . And they sit closely hold hands etc.

I have felt that my 7 and 8 year old are ok to see this. I have told them that all relationships are different, sometimes its 2 woman or 2 man or 1 of each. They don't make it an issue they do make silly giggle sounds and point etc . But that's no difference to if they was to see me kiss their dad . Just standard silly kid stuff.

I also want them to know different relationships are normal so they grow up with it and won't really question it or it be a thing when they are older.

Now ex feels the complete opposite that gay people should not kiss infront of children. It should be kept behinde closed doors. But he has nothing against gays .

Me and their dad were not living together. But we were still seeing each other. That is done with now . And he's not spending any sort of time in the house like he used to or the odd weekend like he used to. Kids have asked why. So far I have just said things like daddy is in a rush , to miss traffic. So you can see nanny faster and hings like that.

Just to add my older son is gay as well but he's very private so he would not display any noticeable effection anyway . He gets on ok with him

Is my thinking wrong ?

OP posts:
nasanas · 21/07/2023 16:36

@Holly60

The same as me. What is it that you would find disrespectful about OP' actions from her OP?

I didn't say OP was disrespectful

nasanas · 21/07/2023 16:37

@Holly60

I'm not homophobic ffs I just don't think anyone needs to be kissing in front of others. A peck in the cheek 'hello or goodbye' fair enough but the rest? Not needed.

Don't be calling me names because you have a different opinion. Juts accept that you have a different opinion.

nasanas · 21/07/2023 16:39

Ignore her; her post was contradictory drivel.

My post suggested nobody need to be kissing in front of others. I'm not the only one who has held that thought either. You may not agree but my opinion is still valid either way.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds 8 year olds Families
WomanStanleyWoman2 · 21/07/2023 16:42

nasanas · 21/07/2023 16:39

Ignore her; her post was contradictory drivel.

My post suggested nobody need to be kissing in front of others. I'm not the only one who has held that thought either. You may not agree but my opinion is still valid either way.

Which you then immediately contradicted by claiming you weren’t saying kids shouldn’t see people kissing.

MinnieTruck · 21/07/2023 16:43

nasanas · 21/07/2023 15:27

What did you mean then?

Exactly what I said. They should be more respectful. It's not difficult.

Do you need to be so rude?

OP asked what you meant for clarification as she clearly misunderstood you at first. There’s really no need to have such a rude tone

jennyjones198080 · 21/07/2023 16:47

nasanas · 21/07/2023 14:57

Actually i would be suggesting your older son is a bit more respectful of other people.

There is no need for them to be kissing in front of anyone, irrespective of their sexuality.

This made me laugh. My parents are in their seventies and show affection infront of people!

a lot of couples will hold hands, hug and kiss in public - as long as it isn’t a full on passionate session why is it disrespectful in front of family?

nasanas · 21/07/2023 16:49

@MinnieTruck

I didn't mean to be rude at all. So I'm sorry for coming across that way OP

RitzyMcFitzy · 21/07/2023 16:56

nocoolnamesleft · 21/07/2023 15:31

I would assume that one should accept the same level of visible display of affection as if it was a heterosexual couple? Would your ex still object if your son were kissing a girlfriend? If not, then yes, he is being homophobic.

Exactly this.

nasanas · 21/07/2023 17:00

Oh goodness I have just realised

When i said 'it's not difficult' I meant for the DC to be more respectful, I wasn't saying that to OP Blush

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 17:02

I don't know what @Hoppinggreen wants from this thread. Op, perhaps you can be more specific as to what you need help with.

Cucucucu · 21/07/2023 17:21

nasanas · 21/07/2023 14:57

Actually i would be suggesting your older son is a bit more respectful of other people.

There is no need for them to be kissing in front of anyone, irrespective of their sexuality.

What ?? I’m 41 and I kiss my hubby on the lips on occasion , why shouldn’t people show affection exactly ? What a weird thing

Hoppinggreen · 21/07/2023 20:14

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 17:02

I don't know what @Hoppinggreen wants from this thread. Op, perhaps you can be more specific as to what you need help with.

I’m not OP

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 20:34

Hoppinggreen · 21/07/2023 20:14

I’m not OP

Show quote history

oh, sorry.

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 20:35

@Findme23
Op, perhaps you can be more specific as to what you need help with.

Original poster
Findme23 · 21/07/2023 20:43

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 20:35

@Findme23
Op, perhaps you can be more specific as to what you need help with.

It was just for people opinions general thoughts. Nothing big.

OP posts:
Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 20:50

@Findme23 general thoughts on what? your ex? or your gay son's PDA in from of his 6&8 yo male siblings? Not clear.

Original poster
Findme23 · 21/07/2023 20:56

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 20:50

@Findme23 general thoughts on what? your ex? or your gay son's PDA in from of his 6&8 yo male siblings? Not clear.

I'm sorry I'm not being clear. I don't know how else to explain.

OP posts:
Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 20:59

don't be sorry. I just wanted to understand what you needed help with, as you seem to have firm views over how you see/want things.

Original poster
Findme23 · 21/07/2023 21:10

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 20:59

don't be sorry. I just wanted to understand what you needed help with, as you seem to have firm views over how you see/want things.

Oh do I? My own thoughts are . It's ok to kiss infront of children weather its a gay relationship or a heterosexual relationship. As long as its not an over the top kiss that's over passionate/sexual.

I think if my kids see it a normal its does not need to be a thing. I have never made it a thing. Then the kids dad came along and made it a thing . To the extent its now had a knock on effect on them.

OP posts:
Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 21:47

Ok. I don't have any experience of this, however, I immediately thought of a scenario where I have a DD 16 and she is lesbian; and then have 6 and 8 yo dd siblings. I was hoping your partner was at home so they grow up seeing both homo and hetero relationships. Then I would have no comment.

However, as the6 and 8 are only primarily seeing one side, I do believe your gay son, as others have said should rein it in a bit. 6 & 8 are too young.

their father, rightly or wrongly, might feel since you have another adult son who is also gay, you are overly promoting (for want of a better word) one pairing. Did their father know the adult son was gay before your 6 & 8 were born? I wouldn't call him homophobic, just having irrational thoughts which, with a bit of professional help, he can manage the dynamics. Seeing the little ones less is not the answer- he is abandoning them and he can not blame anyone for his decision, without first making an effort to deal with his fears, thoughts etc etc etc.

AnorLondo · 21/07/2023 21:54

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 21:47

Ok. I don't have any experience of this, however, I immediately thought of a scenario where I have a DD 16 and she is lesbian; and then have 6 and 8 yo dd siblings. I was hoping your partner was at home so they grow up seeing both homo and hetero relationships. Then I would have no comment.

However, as the6 and 8 are only primarily seeing one side, I do believe your gay son, as others have said should rein it in a bit. 6 & 8 are too young.

their father, rightly or wrongly, might feel since you have another adult son who is also gay, you are overly promoting (for want of a better word) one pairing. Did their father know the adult son was gay before your 6 & 8 were born? I wouldn't call him homophobic, just having irrational thoughts which, with a bit of professional help, he can manage the dynamics. Seeing the little ones less is not the answer- he is abandoning them and he can not blame anyone for his decision, without first making an effort to deal with his fears, thoughts etc etc etc.

Over promoting? What, you think seeing too many gay couples kiss is going to turn them gay?

Original poster
Findme23 · 21/07/2023 22:14

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 21:47

Ok. I don't have any experience of this, however, I immediately thought of a scenario where I have a DD 16 and she is lesbian; and then have 6 and 8 yo dd siblings. I was hoping your partner was at home so they grow up seeing both homo and hetero relationships. Then I would have no comment.

However, as the6 and 8 are only primarily seeing one side, I do believe your gay son, as others have said should rein it in a bit. 6 & 8 are too young.

their father, rightly or wrongly, might feel since you have another adult son who is also gay, you are overly promoting (for want of a better word) one pairing. Did their father know the adult son was gay before your 6 & 8 were born? I wouldn't call him homophobic, just having irrational thoughts which, with a bit of professional help, he can manage the dynamics. Seeing the little ones less is not the answer- he is abandoning them and he can not blame anyone for his decision, without first making an effort to deal with his fears, thoughts etc etc etc.

My children have seen heterosexual relationship. Including mine and their dad's

My kids have questioned why 2 boys kiss . I said because they love each other . I said people can love 2 boys 2 girls or boy/girl abd they just said OK. And that was it.

OP posts:
EconomyClassRockstar · 21/07/2023 22:24

Some of these comments are crazy! Of course it's ok to kiss your partner in front of other people. DH and I have kissed each other in front of our (now adult) kids our entire marriage and it hasn't damaged them in any way. It's modeled a perfectly normal, affectionate marriage. In fact, DD has a photo of DH and I kissing as we were walking down the street framed in her living room!

OP, as long as they're respecting everyone else's space and not getting down and dirty, you're fine! The Ex is a different story altogether.

Offyoupoplove · 21/07/2023 22:30

Personally I do kiss, cuddle, snog etc my DH in front of our kids. So I think YANBU but I’m actually really surprised the number of posters who don’t kiss in any prolonged way their spouse in front of their kids.

jennyjones198080 · 21/07/2023 22:33

Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 21:47

Ok. I don't have any experience of this, however, I immediately thought of a scenario where I have a DD 16 and she is lesbian; and then have 6 and 8 yo dd siblings. I was hoping your partner was at home so they grow up seeing both homo and hetero relationships. Then I would have no comment.

However, as the6 and 8 are only primarily seeing one side, I do believe your gay son, as others have said should rein it in a bit. 6 & 8 are too young.

their father, rightly or wrongly, might feel since you have another adult son who is also gay, you are overly promoting (for want of a better word) one pairing. Did their father know the adult son was gay before your 6 & 8 were born? I wouldn't call him homophobic, just having irrational thoughts which, with a bit of professional help, he can manage the dynamics. Seeing the little ones less is not the answer- he is abandoning them and he can not blame anyone for his decision, without first making an effort to deal with his fears, thoughts etc etc etc.

You do know people can’t ‘catch’ sexuality don’t you.

and it is perfectly okay not to be heterosexual.

your post is quite homophobic. This type of date attitude is why young gap people can feel shame.

While you are of course entitled to your onion - I find it quite sad that these views are still around d in 2023