How could he cheat(update)

[howcanhedothis18]

Hi guys! Hope your all well. Just wanted to let the people that have supported me let them know I’m still hanging on there. Went see solicitors today went ok and also had some face to face with knobhead.

Agree with all of this; don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. You are in sensory overload and dealing with trauma; none of us make good long-range decisions in that mode. Wait until you see the solicitor and have a few days to decompress. I think you need the support the PILs can provide, right now, and so do your kids. You being alone with the kids in a strange flat is probably not ideal at the moment. You need help with childcare, distracting the children with monopoly, etc.

Too often the in-laws are apologists for their son’s behaviour and shift the blame to the woman for “making him” behave that way. Yours sound like bloody decent human beings who genuinely want what’s best for you and the kids. Let them. It will also help them feel like you’re not blaming them for what he’s been doing.

You are going to have to be prepared for some idiot doctor to write this shit off as MH issues. He will probably use this defence in court (as it seems inevitable that this is where he’s heading.) Please diarise thoroughly and take pictures.

I can't believe how nasty he is, he is utterly vile.

Please accept help from your PIL. (And they sound truly lovely people).
KH can pay them back.

I hope by now he has been arrested?

You are doing amazingly well, don't doubt that for one moment. Xx

Hi Op, I hope you are ok and that your solicitors appointment went well as can be expected. Please don't rush leaving the PIL, it sounds like they are happy to have you there and will their support will be so valuable in the coming months. Did you send the evidence to the other woman's husband in the end ?

To cause maximum hurt you are no longer controlled by him so not only is his naty side coming out to going for maximum destruction and hurt.
Another pp put it well you have caused his narcissistic bubble to burst.

Please OP listen to the posters stay with your PIL for your children's safety at least short term he is a live wire currently which can make him dangerous to your children as well as you.

This man really is pure evil.

Stay strong op.

Don't lie to them on his behalf, don't start covering for his bad behaviour. Because it will never end and he will expect you to cover for him for the rest of their lives. It may be hard but either tell them the truth, say nothing, or tell them 'ask your dad'. Although right now 'ask your dad' isn't an option.

No, it's not PiL's fault, but as I said before it may help them expiate any misplaced 'guilt' they have about the way their son has treated you. I know if you were my DiL I would feel desperately sick that my son could be so vile and I'd want to 'make up for it' in any way I could.

I understand you not wanting to feel you're 'taking advantage' or 'feel beholden'. Could you perhaps accept the offer if they agreed it was a 'loan' and draw up some sort of agreement with them for repayment 'at a later date'? At least for clothing and necessities. I know iPads (even the cheapest model) are unbelievably expensive these days so I get why you might not want to be 'on the hook' for that amount of money. Could they possibly share one or are there cheaper tablets you could get?

You are doing so well. Do what is 'comfortable on your conscience' but don't let 'the beholden' stop you from accepting help that can move you and your children a little further down this road you're traveling.

Hey everyone just read all your messages, thank you for all your lovely advice. Just wanted to give you an update- today I first went go visit the house to rent, it was ok just wasn’t right for me and the kids, so still house hunting as I just feel like I need my own space and so do the kids even though pil are lovely and welcoming.I also had appointment with solicitor, she took my statement and has now applied for non mol order, she also has told me send her the evidence of the damages he did to my stuff which I took and sent. She did ask if there was anything that could come back to me which I said no.
KH got arrested as he rang BIL to rant about fil actually doing this to him. BIL said he that ge can’t believe everyone is believing this bitch over me. BIL said he had to put phone down due to him been erratic. MIL said she’s worried he might be ill and that’s why he’s acting strange…..not going lie that pissed me off as I felt she was making excuses for him. I told her how I feel and she said she wanted answers which I understand as so do I.
SIL told me ignore her mum(mil) as she hadn’t slept properly and is so stressed I feel terrible I know she’s upset about her son x

I feel the solicitor isn’t taking it as serious as it is and just prolonging what needs to be done. Maybe I’m asking too much too soon?

Just say he is actually ill, is that still ok to do all this? does it give him the green card to act like this and hurt me? arghhhh why am I questioning all this

No it doesn't love, he's a dick, not sick. You have come so far and are being incredibly strong. Hang in there. You have a viper army here all supporting you.

Work contacted me, my manager said I will need to prove it wasn’t me. I don’t understand how I will prove this. They asked me why I never reported this before….because it’s never fking happened before wtf!!!! I feel as though they think I’m been over dramatic or lying as I never told them about dh before. Im
back in work next week and I told them I might have to take extra time off which pissed them off

It’s like it’s all coming at me at once, give me a god damn break

OW DH messaged me on Facebook earlier today, he goes OW is pregnant. I just read that and went offline I can’t even be bothered with this right now honestly. I’m a good person why me

You don't need to prove it to anyone at work OP. Doctor will give you a sick note under the circumstances. You have been with PIL or the police the whole time so easy to prove it wasn't you. Don't listen to well meaning people at work that have no idea. Keep going one step at a time

Tell them he has been arrested - might that help them realise this isn't you?

He is an A1 horrible, vile, bullying tosser.

I just feel like work don’t give a damn. I honestly thought my manager would turn around and say we are here for you and you take your time but no she goes I will need to know when your back I goes listen I don’t even no where me and kids will be living soon so I’m not sure. She goes well annual leave finishes and unless your sick then looks like we will have to have you back

The real question is was he ill when cheated on you for the last three years? Unlikely.

If he is a narcissist, which seems likely, he'll alternate between the pure unhinged rage you've already experienced, and playing the victim in an attempt to gain sympathy. The only way to deal with this is to keep pushing ahead with separation and divorce, as you have been doing.
Remember that if you're unhappy with your solicitor for any reason you do have the option to instruct another one, although it would be advisable to talk through your expectations and the legal route she must follow first.

I’ve removed my account from Facebook. I can’t deal with that crap right now. OW is playing mind games with her DH too and looks like from that message he is also struggling with her unhinged behaviour. Maybe she is pregnant who knows but I have no part in this madness anymore I’m done x

I didn’t know I had to go court to get a non mol order. Solicitor told me I would have to come too when court date comes. I’m scared never been court really bad anxiety

BIL said looks like KH has been in the casinos again too. That’s our savings gone down the drain

You'll be fine in court OP just focus on the fact your doing the right thing for your kids. I can't believe what OE is telling her DH, I know it's hard to deal with but I would try and keep in touch with him if you can and feel able too although you don't owe him anything. It would be good to send him the proof so he knows the full story. If your KH has had some sort of breakdown than tha doesn't excuse his behaviour and him getting arrested sounds like a good thing. I don't think his mum would be excusing his behaviour but she probably wants to find a reason for it as they sound mortified he is their son at the minute and they don't know this side of him. You've never seen this side of him before either but that doesn't mean it hasn't existed.

With regards to your work, I woul get a doctor to sign you off for MH reasons and send them the police report. They will have to prove you did too so I don't think they will take it any further. If you have a HR department I would call them and explain what's happened and hour not feeling very supported.

Stay strong

Well you can self certify off sick for upto 1 week... or you can take emergency leave or unpaid leave. you should speak to HR directly . hopefully they will be more sympathetic. you don't need to disclose details... just say you have a personal emergency. you have rights in the workplace.

also... you should go see your gp. they can sign you off sick for at least a couple of weeks due to stress. not to mention the fact that you have been assaulted!

you should also ask your workplace to refer you to occupational health because you need extra support. don't rely on your manager. depending on the type of workplace, there should be resources to support you.

I can imagine OW being desperate as her dh seems such a lovely man, she really messes up there. I can’t help but feel for her not in the sense of forgive but more just as she’s a woman and going through all the emotions oh I don’t know I just hate anyone going through a bad time and I know she has a child too

Yeah I think I will ring HR sept tomorow so I can explain it to them as my manager isn’t getting how bad it is.