How could he cheat(update)

[howcanhedothis18]

Hi guys! Hope your all well. Just wanted to let the people that have supported me let them know I’m still hanging on there. Went see solicitors today went ok and also had some face to face with knobhead.

I’m so sorry to read your updates op. I really hope you’re okay!

Your ils sound amazing, the fact that the parents, the sister and the brother are all there supporting you and your children just proves that they love you and would do anything for you. It also shows that he wasn’t raised to be like this, he’s realised his comfortable life and his side piece has disappeared and he’s acting through fear and anger.

Don’t move away from your in laws. I know it’s hard to see them upset but you haven’t caused this, they know that. They are asking if this has happened before because they would never have stood for it and they will all wish they helped sooner.

thank you all for your kind words. I’m at hospital now, looks like it’s a long waiting game. I had to go reception and tell them what happened, the woman was lovely she said you don’t need to explain further to take a sit. She’s come over from her desk and gave me some water bless her x

feel abit stupid which a small cut and bump on my head. I’m sitting across from a woman who looks like she has had a nasty fall all cut up and bruised up

Please don't feel stupid; you're doing the right thing. Bumps on heads need to be treated, or at least looked at, as they can hide a serious injury which only becomes apparent hours or days later.

A small cut won't tell you if you have concussion or any injury to you skull. Better to be 100% on head injuries even if they look small.

Now you just sit put missy and let the doctors take a look! we all want to know you're okay! 😊

Goodness me 😳

I know I keep saying this but really from my heart I just want to say how amazing you all have been. I literally had no one and the amount of support u all gave me is incredible.
strangers online yet the advice has been greatly appreciated and I owe u all so much.
I will honestly never forgot how you have all gave me the strength to believe in my self. Xxx

Op I’ve been following all your posts & my blood ran cold reading about KH waiting in that chair for you. I know that look he had in his eyes. It’s the same look my ex gave me just before he attacked me. I can only explain it as them being possessed. Just a look of pure evil!

My ex didn’t lay a finger on me during the relationship either because like you I was compliant. I split with him because of extremely selfish behaviour & he too had cheated on me in the past.

you don’t think you can do this, but believe me you can & are doing it! You are way stronger than me. I was frightened to death of him (He once tried suffocating me & only stopped when I stopped thrashing about) I never reported anything he did to me. The abuse carried on for nearly 2yrs after his parents convinced him to leave the home. It only stopped when I met my now DH threatened him if he didn’t leave me alone.

You won’t go through this for as long as I did, cause you’ve got balls, massive hairy balls lol. You’re already showing him you won’t take his shit! Take that power back off him! My ex didn’t break my spirit & KH won’t break yours! Remember he is the weak one here, not you. He is nothing more than a narcissistic coward who is lashing out cause he is losing control of you.

This is what everyone always warms about, that abusive men escalate when they know you’re trying to leave. All he’s doing is proving to you that you’ve made the right decision, you’ve been in a shit relationship for the last ten years, you deserve better and so do your kids. Take him to the cleaners, tell your solicitor to go hard on the divorce settlement, half the house, half his savings, half his pension, the whole ruddy lot and don’t back down, you’ve sacrificed so much to let him live the life of Riley and get to where he is with his career don’t forgot that for a second.

OP you have lovely in-laws!

I too am a victim of domestic abuse and it stepped up massively when I decided to leave. But there are some things you really need to do to ensure your safety and the safety of your children. Everything and I mean everything needs to be logged with the police. Every time he harasses you (3 unwanted texts in 6 month period is harassment) every time he hits you, hurts you, threatens you, wrecks your things all need reporting and most importantly followed through. Don't drop any charges. You need a paper trail. Every time he hurts you take photos of the damage, go to hospital if needed and get it reported.

You need this evidence. You need it so when you apply for a child protective order (so children remain with you as main residence until they are 18) and any child arrangements order made for the children after the court has a full recorded history. Otherwise it's he said she said. And believe me I feel that he is going to be hell in court.

Also when I reported my abuse I was allocated an IDVA who was amazing she told me what I needed to do practically in terms of court orders, living arrangements, she put me in touch with a solicitor, and also some incredible counselling.

You are going through hell, it's not going to end for a while- but believe me it does eventually end and you will be happy again and you will have a good life again.

Accept all the help you can from pil. They seem like wonderful people.

Also I would reconsider giving Deenas husband evidence. He needs like you to be able to move on. You didn't destroy their marriage she and you husband did. But he to is a victim and he needs to be able to move on and have the freedom to be happy again. The evidence doesn't have to be everything you have on them, but just enough to help him. She seems to have a history of cheating on him- she's managed to win him over and get him to father a child that isn't his. So this time he probably needs the strength from proof.

Fir me it went on for two years- but after reporting and reporting I finally got away, I'm now happily married and have a wonderful life. This is not the end of your life but the beginning of a whole new chapter which starts off really rubbish but it will have a happy ending x thinking of you x

Don’t feel bad about A&E. It needs checking regardless but even if it’s minor it requires logging officially. He has assaulted you and there will be consequences for him as is right. Follow through on that and don’t back down. You are holding all the cards whilst it doesn’t feel like it.

I don’t know you but am beyond livid for you. 💪

I just wanted to say , you sound like such a wonderful and kind person. I'm so sorry that he is doing this to you and his family.
You are getting great advice but just wanted to say , please don't rush into moving. You and your in laws have gone through massive trauma. They will want to know that you and your children are safe. I think before you think about other living arrangements, you need to be together, supporting one another.

It's good they are getting the locks changed and it's good it's the school holidays too. Just be with them for a while, I'm sure its what they will want. It will also take some pressure off you with looking after the children as they will be able to help you. You need that, some time and space to process what has just happened.
If at all possible tomorrow , just try and take it easy, watch some films with the kids. You have had a massive shock. Get signed off work too.
I hope you don't have to be at the hospital too long xxx

Take more water with it dear. If you think the OP is a troll, report to MNHQ.

Do you feel all clever and special now you've posted that? FYI....you aint.

You have joined a sisterhood none of us wanted or ever thought we'd belong to; the sisterhood of abused women. The vast majority of us were cut right down to the ground by these men but we have risen. We may be mentally or physically scarred, but we have risen. You will too. Just remember in those moments when you feel scared or hopeless that a thousand, no more like a million, women are standing right behind you, invisible but still there standing at your shoulders.

Let your PiLs and SiL help you and support you. In this situation allowing them to do so may be as healing to them as it is to you. They are going to wrongly feel guilt for the way their son/brother has treated you. Give them the gift of 'making amends' even though you know there are no 'amends' needed. I'm not saying you must accept their house or accept money, just to let them do the little and big things they can do for you without compromising your principles. Let them give you breathing room and space to heal.

As far as KH and 'her', of course they want to destroy you. Because you have taken away their 'fantasy'. You have made their cheating all too real for them and they do NOT like that one little bit! And neither of them are going to be honourable enough to stand up and say to you and to her husband "We were wrong. What we did was terrible and we don't blame you for ending our marriages". No, they have to make you and her DH out to be the villains because that is what people with no morals do. They don't accept responsibility for any pain they cause because no one is as important as they are. Leave them to each other and may they have joy of each other. They deserve each other.

You have a hard row to hoe ahead of you, but you WILL get through this. Maybe not unscarred but you will come out the other side stronger and happier, once the dust has settled. Just listen to your solicitor, trust your gut, and let the people who love you support you.

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You and PIL absolutely know you have done nothing to deserve this. I hope the hospital takes lots of photos of your head and your throat so you can mail him to the wall (legally), and hopefully he won’t get access to the kids.
He is angry because you caught him out and exposed the secret side that he has been hiding for so long. In his mind, you have been disloyal by showing everyone that he is a violent, lying, abusive, cheat - He had cultivated an entirely different persona to show to them and now all that work is ruined. He won’t be accountable for the shame, so he is blame-shifting and making it all YOUR fault.
These men are dangerous, sneaky psychopaths who are utter misogynists. They know what to say to have you believe that they love and respect women, and yet they loathe them and the longer they get away with their bad behaviour, the more they are forgiven, the less respect they have for women.

You are troll hunting. OP has been checked out by MN already, other troll hunters have also been on this thread and removed. Stop trying to appear clever and do what normal folk do, follow the rules, report, and don't comment.

Hope you're well OP.
Can I just repeat what a few others have, please send OW husband the proof. I know your life has imploded and it's hard but you offered it, he's asked for it. His life has imploded too and obviously OW is making him doubt himself and he needs that proof to help him move on.

Hey guys sorry didn’t update you all last night I was in hospital waiting time was ages! My SIL came and sat with me so we just had nice talk and a laugh which we both needed I think.
The doctor was really nice and explained that this is assault and if I have contacted the police, explained that I have done. As for my bump they said I did have a little cut but it wouldn’t need gluing as it will heal itself.I was told next few days it might sting and feel very sore. Woke up with the worse headache so really feeling it this morning.
I’ve got rental house visit today at 1, PIL are not too comfortable with me maybe moving out as they said they will be on edge me living with just the kids incase KH turns up,
. I’m putting on my big girl pants on and tackling this mess. Solicitor appointment at 3 aswell so going head with divorce and see what next stage is. Police will be contacting me today as to what I want to do. Il be honest yday when they asked I was scared to press charges but today I’ve realised why should I protect him x

My solicitor is applying for the non mol order for me today too also she wants a statement stating everything he has done so she has a copy for courts x

I am rooting for you OP x

I’m going fight this!!! I also going to make sure he has to have supervised visitation with kids as I’m too scared what he can do.
I always said I would never stop a dad seeing his kids but I have to protect them I really do

Good luck with everything today OP.
You are much stronger than you think, and you can do this x

I'm so glad you're feeling ready to fight this today OP. If you ever feel like it's too much just remember, it's for your kids too. If you feel bad about taking money etc, same again it's for the kids and you'll only be given what you're entitled to.

I honestly hope he's had a wake up call now that his family have all turned their backs on him. He needs to do a lot of work if he ever wants the chance to see his kids regularly again.