My beloved husband just bought me beautiful earrings

[AvaCallanach]

He really did buy me beautiful earrings for my birthday. This is not a complaint. It makes me smile. He tries so hard. He took the kids shopping, did me proud.

But bless him, he bought these beautiful earrings which he has bought me 4 times before. Twice in blue, twice in green. This is the third blue pair. They are obviously his style!

He adores me ( played me To The End by Blur after work, we are off on holiday without the kids next week). I love him. He's wonderful. But why can't he remember these earrings and yet keep choosing them, lol.

Your DH sounds absolutely adorable. And this is hilarious...but I'm glad you were able to tell him :)

What a strange thread

as they are slim and dangly perhaps you can wear two (or more) pairs at once?

Just wanted to say that he sounds like an awesome and thoughtful husband. 34 years and 5 kids together and still so in love - you must be doing something right 😍

I’m too lazy to read the entire thread (I only read OP’s responses…), but it’s sad how some people have completely missed the point of the post and think they understand a complete stranger’s relationship better than she does. The world is weird….!

Everyone's relationship is different, I wouldn't call my husband 'beloved', we have had our ups and downs but we care about each other.

When it comes to presents, i choose my own and vice versa, it's not romantic but at least you get something you want.
Probably due to lack of money too, you might as well get something you need.

It's lovely that couples still have surprise gifts and romantic gestures after years together though. I miss that.

Storm in a teacup. Just go earring shopping together and pick what you want for your birthday then you definitely won't get a duplicate set.

I’ve only read your responses OP but I wanted to say what a lovely relationship it seems you have with your DH. I’m glad you won’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Long-term love is a wonder, even if it’s not always the ‘perfect love song’. Happy (belated) birthday to you.

I'd take them back he won't even notice, just keep one pair. They are lovely.
Next year tell him I don't want anymore earrings.

Actually that's a really cute idea- could you not have them made into something else, like a bespoke celebration of his daftness? It would be a really special sentimental piece then

The haters gonna hate… 🙄

I think your husband sounds lovely OP.

I have started to write down what I buy people so that I don’t buy them the same thing again. I am not neurodivergent, I do not have neurological problems, I am not thoughtless. I am a busy working mum who has bought a lot of presents over my 50 years of life and sometimes it’s hard to remember!

At least he’s buying you a present lol.

I agree! You are right, Loueeza123. I can’t believe some responses, not just on this thread but in others. Sometimes I am fascinated by the utter stupidity, arrogance and lack of emotional intelligence by a minority of MNs.

What storm?

Such a long winded OP about nothing at all. Picking earrings herself would have done the job.

• No personal attacks
• No posts that break the law, including hate speech of any kind
• No trolling, misleading or deliberately inflammatory behaviour
• No trollhunting
• No spamming
• No multiple accounts

my post above did none of these things. Very confused.

"deliberately inflammatory behaviour"

Kicking a dead horse wrt your opinion being the only possible one, despite me telling you over and over and over that it doesn't tally with MY experience of MY relationship. Inserting yourself back into this thread with the same thing yet again when I have asked you to desist at least twice.

Please for the love of God, leave me alone.

my post wasn’t even addressing you. But you do realise you can’t tell people to ‘desist’ posting on an open forum. You seem a little confused as to what this site is!

I note yours were deleted for calling another poster a bitch and telling yet another to fuck off!!

perhaps you should retire from this thread now as it’s obviously not worked out how you’d like it to have. Honestly it’s not worth your stress

This thread has run its course now.

I have now worked out how this happens despite DH obviously caring deeply for me. And yes he does care deeply for me despite what the thread "mean girls" would like to project.

It has to do with salience, possibly related to neurodivergence. He knows nothing about jewellery but knows I like it, so wants to buy it for me. He goes to John Lewis every time because he thinks it sells decent stuff now we are no longer poor (neurodivergence again?) He remembers the cost and the type of item more than the specifics. Then he goes through the same thoughts process (I want to spend x amount, I like silver, I know she likes blue) and he ends up at similar items.

I can see how it would happen when I think about the laptops we buy for a particular milestone birthday for each child. That is his department. I know nothing about memory size, hard drive, etc etc. I would remember that we had bought each child "a laptop" but I would not recall any of the additional specification details. Theoretically, if they asked for a laptop upgrade and I was going to buy them another (this is theoretical, we do not do this, before I get 20 replies about how we spoil our kids) I would have zero recollection of the specification of the laptop or really it's appearance. It's just a laptop to me. I honestly believe that this is what is happening with Dh. He doesn't recall the jewellery "specification". So he buys the same one by accident because he sees me in the same way; a hippy girl with Indian skirts and wild hair who wears silver and blue.

I understand that sometimes people have partners who don't care about them. I am lucky not to be in that situation. Our relationship has not always been sweetness and light. We have had our ups and downs. But we are in a genuinely good place. If it had been obvious that he didn't care about me, I wouldn't have been baffled by the repeat earrings and would, like many on this thread, have ascribed it to a lack of care. However that is simply not the case.
We are off on holiday together, just the two of us, in a few days at his instigation. For my birthday as well as the earrings he bought me a weekend away with him. He actively wants to spend time with me, and we are happy.

i don't expect to be back on this thread now. Thanks to those people who haven't tried to batter me into interpreting my husband as a heartless monster who doesn't love me. It is simply not true.

Finally, my sister is just my sister; not a sock. I actually joined mumsnet many years ago at her recommendation. Love you @HumanBurrito and see you very soon! Xxx

You can't tell, but you can ask.

I am asking, again, fourth time now. Please?

Completely agree with ErrolTheDragon here. Present giving is really important for some couples. For others, it's not their top concern. Giving nothing or giving something unsuitable and lacking in any thought CAN be an indicator of problems in a relationship but why would any poster behave as if they know that is 100% the case here?

I loved the earrings. I enjoyed the story of how the poster and her husband met. I interpreted the OP's post as light hearted, not an existential expression of men and women's relationships.

If a poster is upset by another poster's responses and the poster responding has made their point, is it not time for the person replying to withdraw from the thread, having made their point?

Enjoy your mental gymnastics and farewell 👋🏻

This is just the kind of thing my dh would do. We've been together 28 years and recently we both forgot our 5 year wedding anniversary. Who cares, a bit of absent mindedness doesn't make the love any less real.