Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My beloved husband just bought me beautiful earrings

368 replies

AvaCallanach · 18/07/2023 21:49

He really did buy me beautiful earrings for my birthday. This is not a complaint. It makes me smile. He tries so hard. He took the kids shopping, did me proud.

But bless him, he bought these beautiful earrings which he has bought me 4 times before. Twice in blue, twice in green. This is the third blue pair. They are obviously his style!

He adores me ( played me To The End by Blur after work, we are off on holiday without the kids next week). I love him. He's wonderful. But why can't he remember these earrings and yet keep choosing them, lol.

OP posts:
justtype · 20/07/2023 07:51

Agreed @Rosecoffeecup and @MangoItaliano !!!!

Some PP are just being downright mean and unkind for no reason.

Original poster
AvaCallanach · 20/07/2023 08:09

@MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot
"love your username by the way. You’re assuming Ava and Luc get married?"

Of course. Hence next book, Two for Joy.

OP posts:
Windercar · 20/07/2023 10:41

are you ok dear?

Has somebody hurt you to make you so bitter?

You know that being mean / rude through the medium of being patronising doesn’t make it any better right? I’ve not been rude to you or insulted you.

I just find it disappointing how some women view what being loved by someone is. Men don’t need to be pitied and humoured when they do shit things to those they’re meant to love. And you’ve not even been able to talk about it properly, you’ve had to get your daughter (another female) to do it. It’s just all so sad really.

Now, I have listened to your viewpoint, am not finding it helpful, and don't particularly value your opinion

Well then don’t post on a bloody public forum. Have a chat with your friends if you want to control the conversation!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
ErrolTheDragon · 20/07/2023 10:47

I just find it disappointing how some women view what being loved by someone is

Like any sort of assessment based on gift-giving?Grin
DH and I have a long and happy marriage and don't really go in for it at all. We have most of what we want, and things we need are often the sorts of item that we need to choose ourselves or don't want to wait for. I think we got put off after a few christmases when we each bought the other the same book ("oh! A new book about our local area, perfect!") Grin

eternalopt · 20/07/2023 10:52

As you can't take them back because they're earrings, you could get the spares repurposed? Take them to a good jewellery maker and get the gold melted down and stones removed and make into a bracelet to match? (Or have you got three bracelets too? 😂)

Original poster
AvaCallanach · 20/07/2023 11:34

Windercar · 20/07/2023 10:41

are you ok dear?

Has somebody hurt you to make you so bitter?

You know that being mean / rude through the medium of being patronising doesn’t make it any better right? I’ve not been rude to you or insulted you.

I just find it disappointing how some women view what being loved by someone is. Men don’t need to be pitied and humoured when they do shit things to those they’re meant to love. And you’ve not even been able to talk about it properly, you’ve had to get your daughter (another female) to do it. It’s just all so sad really.

Now, I have listened to your viewpoint, am not finding it helpful, and don't particularly value your opinion

Well then don’t post on a bloody public forum. Have a chat with your friends if you want to control the conversation!

You need to re read your posts because you have been exceptionally rude and scathing throughout.
You have said my earrings look like glass (irrelevant)
You implied I was lying about returning a pair of earrings
You have repeatedly insisted that my husband doesn't care about me including using. Full. Stops. In. Between. Words. To emphasise just how much he does not care about me.

You have misread what I wrote telling me that I haven't communicated with DH about the situation, but used my daughter, when I clearly said I said something at the time and then had a further much clearer conversation where I showed him the two pairs of blue earrings were indeed the same. I have asked my daughter just to help guide him elsewhere in future if his absent mindedness continues.

I happen to have a different opinion than you about how important getting gifts right is in a completely happy loving relationship. I don't care that much. Just because you would read into differently doesn't mean that I am wrong. After all it's my life.

"I just find it disappointing how some women view what being loved by someone is." You know what, so do I. So do I. Being loved by someone is not measured in grand gestures and presents. It's measured in how they treat you say in, day out. I have no complaints.

I posted on a public forum yes, but when you return over and over to trash my relationship despite me saying I am perfectly secure in it, and when that wasn't what I was asking about, you tip into looking slightly unhinged .

OP posts:
CarpetDiem · 20/07/2023 13:39

Sounds like he has the attention deficit component of ADHD.
Maybe you’re not wearing the earrings often enough for him to realise you already have them? Wear them everyday & he’ll notice.

anon666 · 20/07/2023 17:53

My dad had a script for mum's Christmas present. A box of Black Magic, Radox bubble bath and a pair of slippers. I always wondered if she got bored of the same thing, but he was like a little boy who had found the winning formula. I think he genuinely meant well 🤣

CollagenQueen · 20/07/2023 18:12

I just find it disappointing how some women view what being loved by someone is. Men don’t need to be pitied and humoured when they do shit things to those they’re meant to love

I agree with this. Buying the same pair of earrings, 5 years in a row shows a lack of care, and it's also a bit worrying. Even my forgetful 81 year old wouldn't do this.

Year 1 - "thanks for the earrings, they are lovely"
Year 2 - "Erm, you bought me these earrings last year!"
Year 3 - "You bought me these earrings last year, and the year before!"
Year 4 - "You bought me these earrings last year, and the year before, and the year before"
Year 5 - "You bought me these earrings last year, and the year before, and the year before and the year before"

I mean, come on! £1000's on duplicate earrings that cant be returned. But he is portrayed as a bit ditsy.

If a MIL did that she'd be torn to shreds on here.

CollagenQueen · 20/07/2023 18:15

CarpetDiem · 20/07/2023 13:39

Sounds like he has the attention deficit component of ADHD.
Maybe you’re not wearing the earrings often enough for him to realise you already have them? Wear them everyday & he’ll notice.

I'm surprised he doesn't get Deja Vu, as soon as he enters John Lewis and finds himself gravitating to the earrings.

CollagenQueen · 20/07/2023 18:15

81 year old DAD

Original poster
AvaCallanach · 20/07/2023 18:29

CollagenQueen · 20/07/2023 18:12

I just find it disappointing how some women view what being loved by someone is. Men don’t need to be pitied and humoured when they do shit things to those they’re meant to love

I agree with this. Buying the same pair of earrings, 5 years in a row shows a lack of care, and it's also a bit worrying. Even my forgetful 81 year old wouldn't do this.

Year 1 - "thanks for the earrings, they are lovely"
Year 2 - "Erm, you bought me these earrings last year!"
Year 3 - "You bought me these earrings last year, and the year before!"
Year 4 - "You bought me these earrings last year, and the year before, and the year before"
Year 5 - "You bought me these earrings last year, and the year before, and the year before and the year before"

I mean, come on! £1000's on duplicate earrings that cant be returned. But he is portrayed as a bit ditsy.

If a MIL did that she'd be torn to shreds on here.

A) it was over about 10 years, and not all birthdays - might have been a Christmas or two in there

B) it's not the only thing he buys me. This birthday he also bought me a 2 night hotel stay for us to go on, a silver bowl and a knitting bag for my knitting.

OP posts:
Here4thechocs · 20/07/2023 18:31

AvaCallanach · 18/07/2023 22:13

It's definitely not shitty. He is the sweetest man. He's buying nice jewellery because he knows I like it. He has a view of me of slightly gypsy, silver dangle earrings and I think he just goes through the thought process each time as someone says above....

Well done. OP.. it’s definitely not shitty.
What a crass thing to say !

Enjoy your gift & perhaps, nudge him on the fact he’s got you the same piece a few times.
Blessings to you two. x

novalia89 · 20/07/2023 18:44

'He bought several other things, took my autistic DS out on two separate days, took my other kids out and helped them choose things'

I presume these are his children too? Why are men praised when they look after their own children and put an effort in? Women aren't praised when they do this for their children. The bar is so low for men.

JFam · 20/07/2023 18:45

He knows you like that style. He knows he likes that style on you.

So when he feels like buying jewellery, those precise ones keep resonating with him!

Yes, he should remember but some blokes are very simple when it comes to stuff like that. 😂It simply never enters his mind that you already have them.

He obviously wants to please you. So drop bigger hints!!

Jack80 · 20/07/2023 18:47

I would try and take one back. I would also hint maybe about a bracelet or earrings for next year.

Original poster
AvaCallanach · 20/07/2023 18:53

novalia89 · 20/07/2023 18:44

'He bought several other things, took my autistic DS out on two separate days, took my other kids out and helped them choose things'

I presume these are his children too? Why are men praised when they look after their own children and put an effort in? Women aren't praised when they do this for their children. The bar is so low for men.

Oh FFS
He can't win. That was in response to someone saying he had obviously made zero effort and didn't care. I was simply pointing out that he not only went out himself but also transported the kids out separately so they could go shopping, and then went out again on a special journey to take our autistic son at a quieter time when he was ready. It's just in response to someone saying he obviously didn't love or care for me and was putting minimum effort in. Minimum effort would not have involved repeatedly transporting people to the shops so they can choose gifts for me. Not that he deserves a medal for "looking after" the kids

Fwiw he did better than I did. I couldn't persuade autistic DS to go to the shop when it was DH's birthday coming up.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 20/07/2023 18:54

novalia89 · 20/07/2023 18:44

'He bought several other things, took my autistic DS out on two separate days, took my other kids out and helped them choose things'

I presume these are his children too? Why are men praised when they look after their own children and put an effort in? Women aren't praised when they do this for their children. The bar is so low for men.

I think the comparison here is more the effort involved versus someone who might choose a perfect gift but only needed to do a few clicks on a screen.

Bludyhelltobenutz · 20/07/2023 18:55

I’d be totally honest and tell him; or couldn’t you get the extra pairs made into a lovely necklace and show him, telling him this is what you’ve done with all the additional pairs he’s bought you. Wear them all a lot!!

OhcantthInkofaname · 20/07/2023 19:13

He could try for the ruby or topaz one's next time.

puddleduckmummy · 20/07/2023 19:13

I do think this is adorably frustrating! Maybe same earrings in a colour other than blue and green?

doorstopper123 · 20/07/2023 19:32

This must be a thing. MIL keeps buying the same stuff. She buys the same toys for the kids. They have double of s few things . She bought the same stuff two xmasses running. Kids have no filter. They just tell her

Ilovecleaning · 20/07/2023 20:01

CC4712 · 18/07/2023 21:51

Does he have any neurological or memory issues? Does he do repetitive things day to day and forget things? I'd honestly find this concerning from a health perspective! (Yes, I work in healthcare!)

FFS!! 🤣🤣🤣

Lolalady · 20/07/2023 20:15

I can see why you find this annoying but on the other point of view you are very lucky to have a wonderful husband who obviously thinks so much of you in
other ways. I would have loved to have had that sort of marriage but I honestly was relieved when my husband passed away 4 years ago and I finally had my life back. Don’t be too hard on your husband!!!

ThisMamaNeedsSleep · 20/07/2023 23:08

Love it, the earrings are fab, the love story origins and 34 years of marriage, the cup of tea in bed every morning… love it.
Happy Birthday xx

I am surprised you were able to exchange the earrings as I have previously been refused on health grounds. Totally reasonable but meant I was stuck with something I was never gonna wear, even to try on. Again, not about the cost, I just hate wastefulness. Fingers crossed they allow you to exchange these ones… I had a look at the JL website out of nosiness, there are some GORGEOUS pairs, I know what I’d go for anyway!! 😂✌🏻