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Original poster

Do you get drunk in front of your children?

131 replies

HugoDarracott · 17/07/2023 18:29

I know drinking and children can be contentious but I'm wondering what is generally considered acceptable. Is drinking alcohol in front of children ok? Is it ok to get properly drunk? as in slurred speech, and a bit wobbly. Not talking very small children where their safety might be an issue but older primary age or secondary. So more about the example you're setting to them.

OP posts:
CatsSnore · 17/07/2023 20:57

FuppingEll · 17/07/2023 20:33

People tend to run with the same kind of crowd as themselves as, so in my circle, if kids are invited to a bbq/parties then it is normally alcohol free. If people are intending to get pissed then they are childfree events, who wants kids running around when you are getting drunk anyway? Christmas in my family/dhs family never includes alcohol, it just has never been a feature. If there is a wedding that my children are invited to then they would be leaving before anyone got messy.

I don't think anyone has said if an event 'could involve alcohol' they would keep their children away anyway. It's more about how the parent chooses to behave around their child.

Show quote history

Yes I've never been to an alcohol free bbq in my life! It must be a middleclass thing.

CatsSnore · 17/07/2023 20:58

And young dc fall asleep on chairs or keep dancing at the weddings I go to!

AnnaNims · 17/07/2023 21:00

Ours are young adults. We drink in front of them (and with them), but we’ve never had too much. I think they’d think that very tragic.

We love a drink, but not to the point of slurring or sloppiness.

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lightbulbmom · 17/07/2023 21:07

Absolutely never. I grew up in the midst of alcoholism and it was a horrible horrible experience. I suffered from many of anxiety issues because of this when young and couldn't ever imagine my dd feeling the way I felt. I felt very unsafe a lot of time, even at a young age I was aware that my mum and stepdad were unable to care for me if something went wrong. And my mum was often so drunk I couldn't wake her up when I was poorly or needed her. So no, I will never get drunk when caring for my dd.

NannyGythaOgg · 17/07/2023 21:15

Yes - and with them these days. (They are both over 40 now)

My daughter and I share a few bottles of wine, sit up all night talking shit, having a laugh and generally having a good time. In summer it's often light before we go to be. Probably happens 4 or 5 times a year.

I don't have nights with just my son, he has a partner and it just doesn't happen. If the 3 of us get together (with or without his partner) when he gets drunk, he doesn't get angry and agressive BUT does get over opinionated (as in his opinion is the only one that counts) he talks over us both and is generally boring. If we complain he has even been known to give us 'permission' to talk.

I think how an individual handles drink matters when it comes to having a drink around children. Drinking alcohol is unlikely to be made illegal any time soon. Seeing people enjoying having a drink without getting angry, violent or agressive is probably not a bad thing (not getting incapacitated though).

If I knew I became unpleasant after a drink, then I would have been very much more circumspect about drinking in the presence of youngsters.

Mmhmmn · 17/07/2023 21:16

HugoDarracott · 17/07/2023 18:29

I know drinking and children can be contentious but I'm wondering what is generally considered acceptable. Is drinking alcohol in front of children ok? Is it ok to get properly drunk? as in slurred speech, and a bit wobbly. Not talking very small children where their safety might be an issue but older primary age or secondary. So more about the example you're setting to them.

No, it's horrible. The whole point is that adults are supposed to be responsible and capable of looking after children.

LaMaG · 17/07/2023 21:25

I have a few at family and big social occasions, don't see the harm. Most of my socialising these days includes my kids like bbqs or family events like Holy Communions. My friends and I and Dh friends too would have loved a social life outside our kids but lack of family support or babysitters made it tricky so we work around it. This means our meet ups are usually at each others houses with a designated driver, dh and I take turns and usually whoever friends/family it is gets to have a few. If its our turn to entertain we both drink. Don't think I've ever gotten really drunk though, and wouldn't like my kids or any one to see that.

Paxosnaxos · 17/07/2023 21:38

No because I remember how helpless and vulnerable I felt when my parents were drunk and out of control

popoping · 17/07/2023 21:41

Will have a few glasses of wine with friends but as soon as I feel it's going to my head I stop, as I don't want to be seen drunk. I think drunk adults can be quite scary for kids.

Paxosnaxos · 17/07/2023 21:41

Lifeisrelentless · 17/07/2023 19:17

I only have very young kids but after constantly seeing my mum out of her face drunk and in some terrible states growing up and as a young adult, I would never do the same to them. A few drinks/tipsy yes but my mum would get to the point where she’d cry/get suicidal/fall over and hit her head. We do still talk and see each other but I’ve never forgiven her for that, never will.

I totally get this @Lifeisrelentless and my mum is still like this. She just doesn’t see how damaging it is. The upside is none of us siblings drink to excess in front of DC ( or rarely at all)

megletthesecond · 17/07/2023 21:43

No. But I don't drink or have a social life anyway.
Wine in the house is for cooking / freezing. Beer is for slug traps.

Anxioys · 17/07/2023 21:44

My ex used to get drunk and scare me and the children. Being drunk is one thing, but it's often an excuse to be abusive to people.

I don't drink with my children present.

Saschka · 17/07/2023 21:45

Are people honestly saying they don't have a glass or two of wine with Sunday lunch? Or a pimm's at the school fair? Or beers at a BBQ with their neighbours and families in the summer? Or don't have a few drinks and spin around dancing with their kids at a family wedding? If so, I roll my eyes a bit at that, because I may not drink, but I'm often the only person who isn't drinking in these situations, so I think people are virtual signalling just a bit.🙄

None of those things would have me staggering or slurring though! I’d just have a glass of wine (I am a crap drinker, I get a headache and fall asleep on more than that, not really much fun).

popoping · 17/07/2023 21:48

I don't think I've ever been to a BBQ where no one is drinking. I am also surprised at the number of people who never drink in front of their children (not in a judgemental way) just as it's so unfamiliar to me. I feel that the events we go to where there are people drinking and kids around people generally take a responsible approach have a glass of two of wine or a couple of beers and then stop. Enjoying a drink and doing so in a measured way is very much the norm to me.

Lifeisrelentless · 17/07/2023 22:00

Paxosnaxos · 17/07/2023 21:41

I totally get this @Lifeisrelentless and my mum is still like this. She just doesn’t see how damaging it is. The upside is none of us siblings drink to excess in front of DC ( or rarely at all)

Show quote history

Horrible isn’t it :( I think my mum still drinks to excess too tbh but because we don’t see each other that much these days it doesn’t affect me anymore!

NorthWestThree · 17/07/2023 22:02

My kids have seen me drunk several times. We are quite a social family so go to a lot of BbQs, house gatherings, parties etc where I'll have a drink or three 😁

WotNoUserName · 17/07/2023 22:03

They've seen me with a hangover, but not seen me drunk. I don't drink often anyway, and usually when I do I stay over somewhere rather than come home. Mine are all adults now anyway, and don't drink! My ex is an alcoholic so I don't really drink at home as they saw enough of that - though I'm not sure how much they took in.

When I've been to weddings etc with them (only a few times) I've not drunk much as I knew my ex would get pissed and I'd have to be dealing with the kids, or having to drive.

YungDumbThrills · 17/07/2023 22:03

Yes, plenty of times. I'm an adult and know when to stop, I've never got so drunk that I don't know what I'm doing, or don't remember the occasion. DS finds it hilarious as we put music on loud and dance around together. Also a part of a group of friends that often have BBQs and evenings at each others houses with a drink and the kids play or watch films together.

RissolesAreGreat · 17/07/2023 22:06

I've not really drank since having my son 3 years ago, toddlers with a hangover are no fun for anyone.

I used to be quite a heavy drinker back in the day.

I don't drink in front of him apart from when we went away in June. I had one shandy every evening with dinner.

My dad was always pissed in front of us. In fact he would take us to the pub with him. I don't ever want my son to experience that.

AutumnalPumpkin · 17/07/2023 22:10

No - and as of now, I never would. I think it's purely personal choice and judgement. But having grown up in a household where one of my parents was alcohol dependent, and the other parent would drink along with them... I can safely say I would not be comfortable with my child witnessing me 'under the influence'. Saying that, I can probably count on 1 hand the amount of drinks I have in a year.
Probably due to my upbringing!

LemonLimeDivine · 17/07/2023 22:10

No. Never.

KirstyL91 · 17/07/2023 22:12

Never. We drink one or two at the weekend but are never drunk in front of them. We want to be their safe place and feel safe and protected with us. Maybe that comes from me feeling worried when adults were drunk around me when I was younger or like they had 'changed' in some way.

Gremlins101 · 17/07/2023 22:27

I wouldn't be getting wobbly/slurred, no. A few drinks is fine.

AutumnalPumpkin · 17/07/2023 22:28

KirstyL91 · 17/07/2023 22:12

Never. We drink one or two at the weekend but are never drunk in front of them. We want to be their safe place and feel safe and protected with us. Maybe that comes from me feeling worried when adults were drunk around me when I was younger or like they had 'changed' in some way.

Exactly this. When you're young and your grown up is acting like they've changed, or acting not themselves... even if it's just they're a bit more giggly or loving than usual, it can be really scary :(

PatrickGammon · 18/07/2023 07:39

For me, generally when I take the kids to these sort of events I don't drink as usually driving. They've seen me have a drink once at a birthday party 3 weeks ago and I drank a fair bit of punch and other spirits. Wasn't drunk though