Omg I had enough

[271726a]

May Need to scan my other threads for this to make sense.

So there is a social worker involved due to my sons violence/aggression.

It has been said there are no worries about my other children although I did allow social worker to talk to the younger kids . And the school. They have no concern.

Now I just had the social worker email me about an hour ago . Asking me about my younger kids Jabs . Questioning me why I have not had them done and telling me i have a week to sort it. Now by law I don't have to have them done and as a parent I don't have to . But yet there they trying to force it .

To be honest I don't feel overly strong either way. I can't even remember why I did not. I had Been in temporary accommodation and then covid etc so possibly slipped my mind. So it's not the end of the world for me to sort it. What I don't like is the demands of doing it by next week. And the over the top interference of my children. When its Been agreed thus is about my 16 year old.

When we had TAC meeting a few days ago my younger children were not even mentioned. It's like they never existed.

I honestly have enough to cope with

Anyway if there are any social workers here or who l lws the system can you please explain this to me?

Just to add this is not a jab debate and I will ignore any attempts to turn it into one.

I’m not, no. I couldn’t do it.

I will bow out now as I don’t have anything to offer but long may SW remain involved

Thank you 😊

Life isn't black and white. No one is perfect. These kids attend school etc and no safeguarding has been raised until the op reached out for help by her own volition.

Op isn't an abusive parent from the information we have been given here.
I do wonder how those who had peaceful upbringings, access to family money and have been well supported and guided in life would cope if they never had those privileges.

Stop bashing vulnerable people

Thank you.. that might be an idea . I will try do some googling . I have already emailed social worker manager. But I think I might give her a call on Monday. She does not always say what I hope she will but she's much more approachable and understanding. Than the actual social worker.

Yes I want a social worker. That was the whole point in me begging for help. In the first place. Judy want one that can actually work with us is a positive way . And not use bullying to control us .

She even asked 16 year old to sign something without explaining what it was . Who does that

I have always wondered this . But its not somthing you can actually ask. I had a friend who was middle class. Had her house left to her by parents , money left to her. Well educated. But she kept telling me about these nice houses that are council close to her area . She kept going on and on that I should go to the council and tell them what road I want to live in. She honestly thought it was that simple.

(Alot) of people don't know how the system works . But the reply like they do. The type like its fact when actually they have no idea.

Most would not cope with what i have had to .

You will see that OP has updated that none of her children have ever needed a healthcare professional because they have never been ill.

Nothing “that a bit of calpol don’t fix” in her opinion.

I don’t know anyone with multiple DC who has never ever sought medical advice for any of their DC, and was trying to clarify that when I asked the question.

I apologise for my kids not getting ill enough to need medical care.

Ps this does not mean my children have been hidden away from medical professionals.

OP, you seem annoyed that the SW asked you when you ate going to get your cough looked at - but as you have an ongoing cough which is causing you to vomit (as you explained earlier when you said the cough got in the way of moving furniture and rubbish), surely it could be a good idea to see a dr?

Do you have a dislike of drs or medical apts generally?

My cough has gone now. So there's no rush . Although it will be an idea to get things checked incase lacking in something. (But) i am an adult and will do it when I choose.

Yes it did get in the way of things and it really done my head in. But it would have not made any difference time wise as I said originally until I got preasured would have been doing the skip Tuesday coming but it was done early due to the preasure.

Others are right, social workers can’t force inoculations. Your choice for your children.

But…… some of the things your comments, things you have done, things you haven’t done are ringing alarm bells with your social workers and their managers.

They are perhaps seeing their non-innoculation, the refusal to let SW see their room etc as signs of disfunction. (They may be right, they may be wrong on this of course)

I’d suggest working with them, getting your act together. They are not against you but their primary concern is your children and their safety and welfare.

See what they can offer, help with. Reading between the lines it sounds as you could do with a bit of help.

All the best.

It is so hard. I left an alcoholic husband and brought two sons up in a tiny flat. One son became very violent. I was actually super middle class by education and upbringing but my family didn't want to help me and I can't tell you how hard it was without any support. I used to wake up everyday and think I just need to keep going and move through this. It took me ages to work it out but i all cases love was the answer. It is so overwhelming though. There were always things just out of reach on the to do list. So OP I can't tell you how much I understand! I lived alongside so many people in the same situation and all the mums , pretty much everyone was doing their best. The advice not to be cross and work with people is true. But honestly it is understandable to be angry. I was. with love to you and your family and love to your angry son.

You have it wrong which posters keep doing and I don't get why.

I have said several times . I have spoken to the manger. She had no issues with the bedroom being looked at a couple of days later. Rather than right then. She said she understood. There were no issues and it was fine.

It's impossible to work with a social worker who tells half truths. Tells one person thing and someone else another.

Please tell me this social workers initials aren't LT........
(Some) social workers are fabulous. It's just shit when you get someone who (to you) feels like they're working against you when you are working with them (asking for help, attending meetings etc)
Don't give up OP

Not not LT would have been interesting had it been though.

Yeah I don't have a problem working with social services the problem is this actual social worker. My daughter social worker is lovely and I would not feel threatened at all by her. To me the fact she was shouting at me yo see the kids room . Means she's on a power trip

This thread made me angry. I have a violent child people here have NO IDEA what it's like living with this trying to get help and in return getting assessed blamed and feeling harassed by services and people who are supposed to help you. And it's all playing out here again. I'm angry on your behalf op. People are aresholes sometimes don't let it get to you. I know how it feels to face that you can't keep your kids safe from their violent sibling and how utterly terrible that feels to them ask for SS to help and then refuse to take the child and come at you like this. People who haven't lived this really can't understand what you are going through try not to let some of these post get to you.

I saw your younger child is being assessed for autism. Is the 16 year old autistic? My violet child is autistic. Maybe I'm making assumptions but I've written my advice from that assumption I thought I read it in one of your post but then went back and maybe it was the younger child. If not autistic I'd be pushing for assessment and possibly reading up on PDA. If under CHAMS I'd still argue this is a cherish disability under mental health? I don't know

I know a fair bit about dealing with social workers in a similar but different situation. My first advice is always email say you prefer email to phone contact and ask for all meetings to be recorded. ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. Especially as you have a SW saying different things to each of you. I know the type. I will never have a non recoded conversation with a child protection SW. we now have a children with disabilities SW and they are a different breed.

I actually recommend doing a SAR. If you have too much admin you don't have to read it all now but get it and save it. And then in 6 months do it again. I did this and could show they were lies and editing the records. I actually got a financial payout from it but if I hadn't requested the records right at the start to show the lies she then deleted later I would not have won. The solicitor I used said it's very common he makes his living off legal action over SW doing this. But the general public of course won't accept a SW is doing anything but doing the best for the kids and an utter saint of a person. If you have SS involved you must be a terrible person.

Anyway on to my advice on your son:

OP as the parent of a violent high need autistic kiddo I can fully understand how something like jabs can be forgotten.

Firstly jabs are not legal requirement and your choice. They can't force it. And that they are trying to is outside their remit and indicative of the attitude they hold towards you when they should be supporting you. Are your other kids on CIN plans? No so they can fuck off. Is the C&F assessment finished or ongoing (if ongoing maybe them raising the jabs not so out of order). You should have a copy of the C&F whenbb by it is done. The manager will make the final decision after reading it so if manager understanding don't stress.

But as you plan to do also get the jabs done. Measles is about as others are saying.

The problem I think is you are being assessed by safeguarding social workers not children with disabilities social workers. This is a very common problem. Their usual work is children at risk from their parents- not parents at risk from their kids or kids with disabilities.

If your 16yo is autistic Read this:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/social-work-and-autistic-young-people-an-exploratory-study/a-spectrum-of-opportunity-an-exploratory-study-of-social-work-practice-with-autistic-young-adults-and-their-families

My advice is request a disability SW. ask for the criteria on how to get one and argue how you meet this criteria.

Consider putting in a formal complaint about how you are being treated as being view's through the child protection lense when this is a case of disability needing support. Cite the document I linked above. Say the way they approach the jabs is indicative of a non supportive approach to your family. A polite "we're you aware you hadn't got their jabs done?" Would have sufficed
.

Possibly quote the autism act 2009. I cant quote exactly so you may have to read it yourself but somewhere in it it says staff working with autistic individuals should have relevant training and understanding. Or something to this effect.

I had SW treat me similarly to this. It was all child protection coming at me and assessing me. Concluding I'm not a threat to my kids so they have no role so they don't need to provide support pushed it all back in me I need to do whatever it was needs doing. Endless meetings and admin on me to essentially get no fucking help and made to feel utterly shit. I read up on the legal stuff their policy made a formal complaint and they have now apologised and are acting (slightly) better. Not really providing support but this coming at me as a parent who needs monitoring and assessing has stopped at least now they accept my son needs support because of his needs not because I'm the problem. I know of other parents who have had similar experiences. You need to know the law and LA policy better than them.

There are a few Facebook groups that's are great look for some of those they are full of very knowledgeable parents who can advise. Also great support. Not fine in school. A good place to start if you have a violent kiddo. Also look at child to parent abuse support groups.

Sorry this is so long. I just have a lot to say on this and really feel for you. I felt like I was going to break but somehow I still haven't. You are strong. Just keep going and eventually things get better honestly

@PurpleBugz , I am sorry to hear you are having a shit too.
It sounds like you have been well advised and I wish I had had that insight at the time.
The lying social worker in our case 'resigned ' (did she fuck) after complaints were made.
So glad to see some helpful support. Sadly some people really believe social services intervention only happens to single parents who have a shed load of kids, a battalion of boyfriends and drink and smoke the benefits money 🙄

Thank you. For your post I will reply best I can.

It is my 8 year old who has autism.

My 16 year old is having assessments for ADHD

The manager indicated that its likely to go on to a CIN plan . Which was what I wanted. As I thought it would get my son the help he needs . But now from what you have said they can become more controlling and force stuff on us?

I had thought about recording . But legally I have to tell her I'm recording . From what I have seen so far she will either shout and demand I don't, say im not allowed. Or walk out then report that I'm not engaging. And probably add a bit more bullshit.

It will never change. Its all kept behinde closed doors. It's been set up in a way that the parent is always to blame. The general public think all social workers are hero's. And they won't hear any different.

Hah. You make huge assumptions. I live with a violent child who now has 24 hour care provided by social services. I did however sustain significant long term injuries to achieve that thought. From what i hear from both sides (parents and sw) I think it's just as common for the violence to be child to adult and adult to child.

but

it is absolutely right everything must be viewed through a child protection lens first and foremost.

Often it's quicker to get the help you need by working with the social worker than fighting them tooth and nail. That's why it worth working out if kicking off over jabs is really worth it. Ticking their safeguarding boxes just makes accessing that help quicker and stops the sw being distracted.

@Ds16dv Asking your social worker to record the conversations really shouldn't be a big deal. When I've done it as theyve come through the door I have politely told them I am recording. Our last social worker got nervous , selected her words more but she didnt chuck her phone in frustration onto the sofa when i disagreed with her so that was a win. My present social worker was brilliant, she went OK and carried on as if nothing was any different. I genuinely wouldn't bother recording her now, but she's straight as a die and calls a spade a spade