Omg I had enough

[271726a]

May Need to scan my other threads for this to make sense.

So there is a social worker involved due to my sons violence/aggression.

It has been said there are no worries about my other children although I did allow social worker to talk to the younger kids . And the school. They have no concern.

Now I just had the social worker email me about an hour ago . Asking me about my younger kids Jabs . Questioning me why I have not had them done and telling me i have a week to sort it. Now by law I don't have to have them done and as a parent I don't have to . But yet there they trying to force it .

To be honest I don't feel overly strong either way. I can't even remember why I did not. I had Been in temporary accommodation and then covid etc so possibly slipped my mind. So it's not the end of the world for me to sort it. What I don't like is the demands of doing it by next week. And the over the top interference of my children. When its Been agreed thus is about my 16 year old.

When we had TAC meeting a few days ago my younger children were not even mentioned. It's like they never existed.

I honestly have enough to cope with

Anyway if there are any social workers here or who l lws the system can you please explain this to me?

Just to add this is not a jab debate and I will ignore any attempts to turn it into one.

Mate come on, it's Mumsnet, not a cross examination in court.

Your posts are very accusatory and getting goady, it reads as if you're attempting to make OP bite and will then no doubt chastise her for doing so.

Chill. You're talking to a stranger on a forum. If you're feeling this invested in the thread it might be time to stop engaging?

And you feel comfortable giving advice based on one side of the story with very scant information?

Where have I given advice beyond that which anyone else in the thread has given?

I had not realised @Jellycatspyjamas was a SW but If she is she is fantastic. She has spent alot of time on this thread trying to understand and explain things to me. Even when I have gone back to her and said xyz. She has come back to me and explained further. Even when I said I did not understand and it was to much to take in. She still showed empathy abd understanding .

Are you aware a measles epidemic is close? It's a horrible, dangerous, damaging and sometimes fatal illness. Get your kids inoculated and dont make them possibly, and unnecessarily, pay the price for your uninformed beliefs.

Right just to clarify what I said having got round to reading all your posts.

The domestic violence course covers any safeguarding concerns around the violence.

It wouldn't matter whether they extracted the whole amount of what you said or just the bit they recorded. The domestic violence course covers their back if there is any violence against you. the you wanting him home because "its where he should be" covers their back on family breakdown.

They haven't tried to minimise. They have done what they needed to cover their back if he injuries you, nothing more nothing less.

Ime if they can push responsibility back to you they will.

OP isn't an anti vaxxer.

RTFT.

I didn't see that she had posted that, yes it makes sense.

So why haven’t her DC received a single one of their childhood vaccinations?

It would almost be reassuring if she had thought about it and could give a reason for this.

There isn’t a reason though. She just didn’t bother and still can’t be bothered now.

I had not realised @Jellycatspyjamas was a SW but If she is she is fantastic. She has spent alot of time on this thread trying to understand and explain things to me. Even when I have gone back to her and said xyz. She has come back to me and explained further. Even when I said I did not understand and it was to much to take in. She still showed empathy abd understanding

You’re very welcome @Ds16dv, it sounds like life has been very hard for you long before your current situation. Yes there are concerns, you know that, and you’re feeling under pressure - you deserve empathy and understanding from professionals around you. Yes there needs to be challenge in there too, you need support to get back on an even keel and to manage some of the chaos. You can’t change what’s gone before and will need a lot of help to build a different life for you and your children, I hope things work out for you.

Hi op

I'm a Social Worker but in NI. Based on the brief information given a Social Worker can not force you to get your children vaccinated however we can make recommendations which may be in their and your best interest. Sometimes it's about bringing it to the attention of the parent to consider such as in your situation in which you had forgotten why and are not considering it. I feel the Social Worker has approached it the completely wrong way.

I understand that you have asked for support with and older child however the whole family as a unit is usually assessed because there may be an impact on your younger children and sortie ability to cope with them whilst dealing with the older child's challenges.

In regards to lack of a GP I suppose it depends how long you've been without one and a discussion on why they have not been registered would perhaps explain a lot although it doesn't look good. The best thing to do it to discuss with the Social Worker your plans to get them registered and timeframes along with your plans for vaccinations. 1 week is not realistic given current access to GP services but perhaps she was just highlighting the immediacy of getting this organised.

I would just discuss with her and agree to sort the above so your son can be focused on

Thank you . What I don't like is her approach and her time lines .

I know I need to work with her and not against. But I find that near impossible. When she's sitting their typing, saying things as she's leaving the door so it can't be explored leaning words of things that I said. Which makes it look like I said something completely different.

When my son and me are being told different things .

Oh and let's not forget her shouting.

It concerns me that her reports are not going to be completely true . Because she's writing stuff down wrong /not listening so when it gets passed to CIN there's this mad report with half of it wrong . How am I meant to work with someone like that

My dad had measles as a child and it affected his eyesight. It's irresponsible not to get your children vaccinated. Many childcare establishments insist on children being vaccinated these days.

It concerns me that her reports are not going to be completely true . Because she's writing stuff down wrong /not listening so when it gets passed to CIN there's this mad report with half of it wrong . How am I meant to work with someone like that

There are a few things you can do, depending on how robust you’re feeling. The first is to challenge her - eg when she recorded you wanting your son home but not where you said he can’t be there because it’s not safe you could email her correcting her record.

The second is to only meet with her with an advocate present, the social work team should have advocacy services available and you have a right to access advocacy support. They should help ensure you can express yourself clearly.

The third is to request you record your discussions with her - I’d do that from the place of you not being able to remember your conversations when she’s gone (not unusual in stressful situations) so you’d like a record. If she phones you follow up every call with an email “just to confirm when we spoke today you asked me about x and I explained y”

In the case of her email giving you a week to sort out vaccinations, I’d speak to her manager about her setting unrealistic deadlines and ask for more time and some support to sort out local GP registration. She shouldn’t be raising her voice to you, if she does ask her to leave and then email her explaining that you want to work with her but can’t do that when she raises her voice to you.

You should see her report before it’s submitted, email asking her to confirm you’ll have sight of it beforehand. If you don’t agree with the content, prepare your own response to it - write bullet point notes that you can read through at any meetings or give to those attending the meeting. Your views should be asked for at any meeting you go to, but it can be hard in the moment to think of a reply so prepare beforehand. Don’t be argumentative but clearly correct any mistakes. You can take an advocate to meetings too for support.

You have it partly right. Yes it's the approach that is wrong. It's how she speaks to me. She can still get results by approaching me in a better manner and making herself approachble.

The kids do actually have a gp. It's just It's under my old address from a while back. But I now Need to get a new gp under my new address.

Yes I know they become involved with the whole family. Social worker spoke to the school =no concerns. Social worker spoke to the kids =no concerns.

I'm just repeating here what I was told. It had come from the manger not me. She said . There are no concerns around the younger children. She said i have good understanding. I have done my best to support them and have a good understanding of my son.. she said this situation is due to your son and that's what you need help with .

We spoke for 45 mins and it was a good talk
The bad thing is. me, adult dd and the 16year old had asked several times for the mangers number. Abd the sw kept refusing to give it to us. And kept telling me she was going to talk to the manager first . She was trying to use her manager as a threat . Which i know what the case because she was boarding 0n shouting. Abd her tone was threatening.

Thank you so much. I have screen shot your post so I can come back to it.

What worries me about the recording if I say it's so I can refere back to it incase I forget things. She will then use that and say I'm forgetting stuff she's said and not listening and use it to say I must have forgot what she actually said.

Also I never knew about advocacy. Can she refuse if I ask for one ?

@Ds16dv As a Social Worker I know that sometimes the information given can be a lot to take on I mean I would even struggle myself especially as you may be feeling stressed and anxious. Feel free to take your own notes during any meetings and you don't need permission for an advocate you can have anyone you like with you for support. If I'm out to a family especially if distressing I often tell them to ask their parent or sibling or even a friend to be there for support and sometimes this is even help to help to keep things calm and on track as the other person can see from another side.

If I had someone out to visit me unfortunately I would likely record aswell for myself only.

Things sound a little confusing I would ask for a meeting with your Social Worker and bring your advocate to go through things clearly such as what support your asking for, what they can do and expectations and plans. They should be working alongside you not giving demands and against you.

*What worries me about the recording if I say it's so I can refere back to it incase I forget things. She will then use that and say I'm forgetting stuff she's said and not listening and use it to say I must have forgot what she actually said.

Also I never knew about advocacy. Can she refuse if I ask for one ?*

You already have an example of where your account and hers differ, she’ll say you didn’t say what you did and you’ll say she didn’t record what you actually said, a recording cuts through all of that. It’s very common for people to not remember parts of conversations that are difficult - that’s not a comment on your ability or cognitive skills, it happens to all of us. If there’s a record of what was actually said, there’s no argument.

She can’t say no to advocacy services, put the request in writing and copy it to her manager - she might say it will take a while to put in place but they can’t refuse. Have a look online though most advocacy services are charities and work independently and some will accept you referring yourself. Contact one in your area, if they can’t support you, they’ll know who does support childcare processes in your area. She shouldn’t refuse not least because advocacy actually makes her job easier too.

Apologies for spelling mistakes in my posts In at home with my 3 children but want to try reassure you and give you advice as much as I can do typing fast.

I've probably been recorded in secret many times, I actually don't care because anything I say is nothing I wouldn't say in front of say my manager or a judge or in my reports.

Feel free to take your own notes during any meetings and you don't need permission for an advocate you can have anyone you like with you for support.

Good advice to take your own notes, in your situation though I’d use a professional advocacy service rather than a friend or family member, because you need quite strong support in the moment and friends and family often struggle with that. Using an advocacy service takes the emotion out of it, which can be very helpful where things are a bit heightened.

I've probably been recorded in secret many times, I actually don't care because anything I say is nothing I wouldn't say in front of say my manager or a judge or in my reports.

Yep, same for me - if your practice is what it should be recording is a complete non-issue.