Omg I had enough

[271726a]

May Need to scan my other threads for this to make sense.

So there is a social worker involved due to my sons violence/aggression.

It has been said there are no worries about my other children although I did allow social worker to talk to the younger kids . And the school. They have no concern.

Now I just had the social worker email me about an hour ago . Asking me about my younger kids Jabs . Questioning me why I have not had them done and telling me i have a week to sort it. Now by law I don't have to have them done and as a parent I don't have to . But yet there they trying to force it .

To be honest I don't feel overly strong either way. I can't even remember why I did not. I had Been in temporary accommodation and then covid etc so possibly slipped my mind. So it's not the end of the world for me to sort it. What I don't like is the demands of doing it by next week. And the over the top interference of my children. When its Been agreed thus is about my 16 year old.

When we had TAC meeting a few days ago my younger children were not even mentioned. It's like they never existed.

I honestly have enough to cope with

Anyway if there are any social workers here or who l lws the system can you please explain this to me?

Just to add this is not a jab debate and I will ignore any attempts to turn it into one.

Pardon me if if missed the information but where was he staying, has he returned home and if he has how has it gone.

I'm not sure you should worry so much from a manipulation about those precise example of extracting words. At least not from the word manipulation pov that you think. It looks to me they were extracting specific information about what you want to happen. Counterintuitively I think you actually needed to say no you do not want him home at this moment
In time. Bear with me while I explain why

SS will always provide the least amount of support they can get away with, if they can record you want him home and they can risk assess it as acceptable, there will be no legal ramifications for them in sending him home.

Im not sure what you son has or hasnt done but the bar for it to count as a safeguarding risk is significant (we had to theaten judicial review through solicitors and accept further investigations despite the significant evidence of significant existing harm and potential harm). With the wording you gave I'm guessing SS can risk assess it as an acceptable risk. if safeguarding risk is of the level of throwing plates, punching walls, no significant injuries requiring medical attention I'm guessing they can accept the child going home if the parent will accept them home. I very much doubt they were assessing their responsibilities from a direct safeguarding perspective.

However at 16 plus they do have responsibility to house a 16 year old in the case family breakdown. i suspect this was the actual criteria they were assessing their responsibilities against. If you say I cannot have him home it is the case of family breakdown. SS have a responsibility to house where they wouldn't if it was not considered a significant enough safeguarding risk.

If you want you son out the house it is more likely to be done through family breakdown than safeguarding.

BUT and this is a big but, given there are younger children I suspect there will need be some scrutiny as to why the family has broken down.

Ss are not stupid. The arrangement of him at home is highly unstable and likely to reoccur. Counterintuitively your social worker may be predicting this likely outcome and trying to guide you through By making sure you tick the safeguarding boxes straight off (gp, immunisations). Makes theirs and your life easier and a whole lot less messy.

Navigating SS is as much about working out when you need to work with them as when you need to fight them.

Fighting them when you need to work with them is just as damaging as anything.

I also wonder if people realise that when you have child protection involvement with social work you’re often held to a higher standard of parenting than the general population - at a time when you’re in crisis.

A missed appointment, a home that’s untidy, a decision to co-sleep with your child, all take on much more significance than would normally be the case. Things that most parents do without thinking become a source of “interest” and come under scrutiny.

Yes the OP sounds a bit disorganised and chaotic at times, given her background and circumstances that’s to be expected, if there’s anything more to it than that social work will find it. Repeatedly telling her she’s a bad mother is wrong unless you know the full circumstances of what’s brought her to this point.

Your post is really long 🤣. I know want to acknowledge it
And I will read and reply properly in a short while . Its alot to take in and reply to si I want to go over it.

@jel

Utterly minimising

the op is saying she has not once sought any medical advice for, ok, her two younger children (7 and 8). Not once. So none of the baby vaccinations, no concerns, nothing.

@Jellycatspyjamas

my point is that - posters really can’t give advice based on what the Op is saying because we are clearly getting a tiny piece of the full story and some little details confirm to some of us - that the full story may be a lot darker than what the op is trying to convey

I think @tidalway is right i think you have your own issues going on. Which your taking out on me. I doubt you will recognise that at the moment though and will bring it back onto me. I'm happy to be your verble punch bag if it helps you .

Social services don't necessarily need to obtain consent to request this information as under Data protection laws exemptions apply for the Police and social services for example if the information is essential for effective safeguarding.

Only if there are CP concerns or CP investigation, if this family are open as CHIN/early help then its normal that at the first visit, SW takes papers to sign for consent to do basic checks, police, health, education.

OP says that she gave those consents so the checks are being done in line with these.

Herewego81

You are not reading the OPs responses properly.
Clearly she has seen health professionals as her 8 year old has a diagnosis of autism.
OP said her child was seen for a 2 year check by HV, then was referred to a paediatrician. I would expect they were seen by other professionals as part of the assessment process. Her GP wouldn’t have ant part to play in that.
I don’t know why you can’t grasp that an experienced mother wouldn’t need to consult a GP for minor illnesses like coughs and colds.

*Utterly minimising

the op is saying she has not once sought any medical advice for, ok, her two younger children (7 and 8). Not once. So none of the baby vaccinations, no concerns, nothing.*

Not minimising anything, in the wider picture of the OPs life and in the absence of significant health issues I don’t find it that unusual - I’ve been a CP social worker for 25+ years, what the OP describes isn’t that unusual when people don’t have the comfortable, secure, safe lives that most of us take for granted.

Yes there’s obviously concern there but in the wider picture of violence and abuse, and insecure accommodation (and the difficulties that poses in even accessing healthcare) I can see how it happens. The children are in school (so not unseen), they have a committed mum trying to put their lives back together, who has invited social work into their lives by asking for help. It’s for social work to assess whether lack of health care is part of a wider picture of neglect, not for the jury of mumsnet to decide that.

She has been trying to parent in a battle zone for years by the sound of it, trauma will be playing it’s part for all concerned too.

It’s very easy to condemn someone from a snap shot of their lives, much harder to put yourself in their shoes and ask, honestly, if you might struggle too - and think about how that struggle might impact your parenting. The OP needs help, but that help comes from people who can literally have your children removed and who are making constant judgements about your parenting. It’s a hard line to walk.

I’m sure she feels shit enough without mumsnet casting yet more judgement.

@Jellycatspyjamas

surely you know as a SW yourself, that your clients are hardly the most objective on their situation

And your point is? Some people take their kids out of school for a 2 week holiday.

Domestic violence from my son to me .

You don't understand the housing _temporary accommodation system .

Actually you don't seem to understand anything. From gp situation. ,seeking advice in other ways, you can't seem tp understand that a gp is not needed for autism pathway/diagnosis. And you don't understand the housing system

my point is that - posters really can’t give advice based on what the Op is saying because we are clearly getting a tiny piece of the full story and some little details confirm to some of us - that the full story may be a lot darker than what the op is trying to convey

@Herewego81 and my point is the OP doesn’t owe anyone here the full story, and unless you’re qualified to make a complex assessment of risk the whole story will just lead to more judgement. She has professionals involved who will make that assessment of risk - I assume you’re not one of them, I’m wondering what explanation the OP could give that you’d be satisfied with.

@Ds16dv struggling to understand how many kids you actually have - you mention 'adult children' and then the 16 year old, nearly 13 year old, 7 and 8 year old. That's a lot to manage!

Where is/are the father/fathers in all of this?

surely you know as a SW yourself, that your clients are hardly the most objective on their situation

No they aren’t, they can lie, misrepresent, be evasive, obscure what’s going on. But I’m not the OPs social worker, I don’t need to investigate or verify facts here - the OP has described some problematic practice by her social worker which in turn makes it much harder to trust the system will work fairly. Social work involvement with families is very, very hard for the families concerned, it’s intrusive, involves making judgements about parenting, and wider life choices, it can feel very shaming. In that context I don’t think the OP needs more of it here.

Theres a way to explore without being accusatory, to check things out without being shaming, to listen without judgement. To show a degree of empathy while recognising risk and concern.