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Original poster

How would you react if your 12 year old did this?

171 replies

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 07/07/2023 09:00

INSET day here today so DC had a friend to sleepover last night. Woke up at 7am to find them and their friend not here. Extreme panic! Checked Life360 and they were in the park round the corner! Phoned and told them to come home immediately. They had Whatsapped at 6.30 saying they were bored and were going for a walk/to park.

Would you punish/revoke freedoms for a bit? Or is it a bit silly? Totally fine?

OP posts:
Nacknick · 07/07/2023 09:04

I would go absolutely ballistic and make it very clear that they shouldn’t leave the house without making sure I knew.

But then I am quite strict about things like that - especially when looking after someone else’s child.

sleepwouldbenice · 07/07/2023 09:05

Initial reaction was batshit crazy

Then realised you have 360 which I assume backs up story, it's daylight and they messaged you... and assume park and route there safe

So change of mind...

...ground rules for next time being you don't mind being woken up to agree these things?

bluedelphinium · 07/07/2023 09:06

I think that sounds fine other than they should have left a note or message to let you know/ asked depending on what your rules are.

What exactly have they done wrong other than not checking with you first, would you have objected to them going to the park?

I think it's quite a good habit to get into, getting out and about on a sunny day instead of lying in bed. Plus it's only round the corner so they've stayed within a reasonable distance. Better to let them have little freedoms and learn responsibility now.

I would tell them to let you know/ ask first next time, have some breakfast and send them on their way again.

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Leftphalange100 · 07/07/2023 09:08

I think it sounds like rather than misbehaving, they misunderstood the boundaries and thought it was fine as morning and they had text you.

I wouldn't punish. Would have a chat though about safety, and clear boundaries

AnnaTortoiseshell · 07/07/2023 09:08

Given that they messaged you first and only went to the park I think it’s just a chat about expectations.

TheLongpigs · 07/07/2023 09:12

I'm pretty strict, and would let them off on this occasion! It's one of those things where you think its obvious that they shouldn't do that, so didn't explicitly say so, so they thought it was reasonable to do so. And given that they messaged you, its light, and they were together, I can see where they were coming from.
I've got a 12-year-old boy, and sometimes you just need to states to blindingly obvious, because you realise it isn't actually blindingly obvious to them!

Original poster
AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 07/07/2023 09:16

I also think they have been up all night/had a short nap 😬.

I have told them that if the police saw them they probably would have picked them up and brought them home.

The friend is new and seems lovely, however has a what I see as an extreme amount of freedom. For example, she came to stay last night yet I have never spoken to her parents, no idea if they have my contact details or address. If it was a friend I know well I would be less concerned, as they are known quantities and I know their parents, but I would also tell the other parent what they had been up to, as it happened on my watch.

The shock of waking up to find them not here and their lack of sleep/recklessness means I have revoked going into town privileges for today at least, which was the initial plan, but not ranted and raved.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 07/07/2023 09:22

I’d have a conversation about expectations - 7.00 is very early to be in the park and they need to let someone know before they leave the house. Part of the joy of being 12 is having a sleepover, staying up most of the night and being knackered the next day. I’d not be fussed beyond her knowing we’d still be doing all the things that were planned for the day tired or not.

HunkaMunkasslipper · 07/07/2023 09:23

I have told them that if the police saw them they probably would have picked them up and brought them home.

Would they 'eck. What for?!
They made sure you knew. Not sure what the issue is. It was broad daylight.

Original poster
AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 07/07/2023 09:25

Really? 2 x 12 year old girls walking the streets pre 7am. I genuinely thought there would be concerns raised!

OP posts:
LanaDelReyGigChauffer · 07/07/2023 09:26

I have told them that if the police saw them they probably would have picked them up and brought them home

why the hell did you say this?

why have you 'revoked priviledges' 🙄🙄 told them they can't go into town??

they were awake early, walked around the corner to the park, on a sunny morning. It's not like they'd snuck out at 2am to neck cider & smoke.

All you needed to do was once the friend has gone home, talk to yours about expectations. I mean they sent you a WhatsApp so you knew where they were.

12 not 2. Morning not 2am.

chohiad · 07/07/2023 09:27

Yeah defcon 1 here, they wouldn't do it again.

buzzlightyearsgloves · 07/07/2023 09:28

You sound very unreasonable. It's 7am in summer, it was light. The police would not bring them home. They text you to let you know where they were and you could see on life 360 they were exactly where they said they were. You've embarrassed your child in front of a new friend by making such a fuss and punishing them by now not being allowed into town for the day.

chohiad · 07/07/2023 09:29

It's always the principle to me, my DS knows full well what would happen if they did that (for one thing we don't let them out before 10am out of courtesy as the park is middle of the estate) and we have strict rules saying good bye before you leave, knowing where they are etc etc, so it would break a lot of well bedded in rules here so the consequences would be high.

SoupDragon · 07/07/2023 09:29

So, they let you know they were going, knew you'd be able to see where they were and were in the park rather than somewhere like the town centre?

I would have a problem with it late at night but not 6:30am in the summer

Original poster
AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 07/07/2023 09:31

Food for thought, maybe I am overly concerned due to new friend. I am perhaps also viewing the behaviour through an older teenage lens, as at 12 they are not likely to be getting high and meeting boys. I genuinely thought I would be told I am far too lax, so glad I posted!

Still not sure that going off into town in bus where all sorts of mischief could await on no sleep after being quite silly is an amazing idea, will see how the morning pans out.

OP posts:
Frogpond · 07/07/2023 09:32

That is not ok. I would be wary of the child. I wouldn’t punish your child, just set firm boundaries. And never let your child go to the friends house, especially to sleep over.

VaddaABeetch · 07/07/2023 09:34

What did you think was going to happen to 12 year olds on a sunny morning in the park?

in my local park at 7 am there’s loads of runners, walkers, dogs.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/07/2023 09:36

I would have been furious. It's not leaving a message or letting you know first.
At the end of the day, the responsibility of the other child also rests with you.
I'm also not a fan of parks late at night and early in the morning. I suppose it depends on where you live.

Hereforsummer · 07/07/2023 09:37

@VaddaABeetch I don't think the issue was them going to the park, more that they did it without an adult knowing that they had even left the house, let alone where they had gone.

ahunf · 07/07/2023 09:38

Dd is nearly 13. I've only ever had her friends stop if I've messaged the mum. No way would I have some random girl stop. She could be anyone. Her parents might not have known.

Chewbecca · 07/07/2023 09:39

So they left the message before going, right? Not told you in response to you asking?
I am another not sure what the issue is and definitely don't think police would take home two 12 years from the park.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/07/2023 09:40

They could have hurt themselves on play equipment and met weirdos hanging out at parks in the quiet hours while your sleeping away.

cyncope · 07/07/2023 09:41

I wouldn't go nuts, but I'd be clear 7am is too early and they're not to leave the house before everyone else is up.
With my 12 year old I have said leaving a note or texting isn't enough, you have to have an actual conversation with an adult before you go anywhere.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/07/2023 09:42

cyncope · 07/07/2023 09:41

I wouldn't go nuts, but I'd be clear 7am is too early and they're not to leave the house before everyone else is up.
With my 12 year old I have said leaving a note or texting isn't enough, you have to have an actual conversation with an adult before you go anywhere.

This.