How would you react if your 12 year old did this?

[AlanJohnsonsBeemer]

INSET day here today so DC had a friend to sleepover last night. Woke up at 7am to find them and their friend not here. Extreme panic! Checked Life360 and they were in the park round the corner! Phoned and told them to come home immediately. They had Whatsapped at 6.30 saying they were bored and were going for a walk/to park.

Would you punish/revoke freedoms for a bit? Or is it a bit silly? Totally fine?

I wouldn't be OK with this but in my area at 6.30 am their are a lot of men hanging around being picked up for factory work. I don't think they necessarily should be punished but I do think a conversation about being out at 6.30 am being to early and they should wait until somebody is up just incase something happens.

They'd whatsapped you, but you hadn't read it? I would have probably checked your messages before checking 360, surely? Do you need to change your notification settings?

1. I wouldn't let any child stay without ensuring the parents (or carer) knew exactly where they were. To cover my back as well as well as for their parents.

1. Asking your child to physically let you know before leaving the house is also an acceptable rule.

We had a couple of worried teenagers looking for their younger (12yo) sister recently... who was perfectly happy in her friends garden, but not answering her phone. The 12yo had just been a bit thoughtless.

I'd have gone nuts tbh - sounds like your DD's friend is the instigator if this is out of character for your DD.
2 12 year old girls out at 6.30am is not OK in my book.
I'd not punish but I'd be having a very thorough chat about safe choices etc.

Well exactly - my first thought on finding DD and friend missing would be to look to see if they'd left a message. On the basis that "gone out somewhere" was rather the most logical explanation for where they were.

But we are a family where the DC have been primed to send messages when doing anything out of the ordinary.

What's unsafe about this? Unless the park is particularly dodgy, 2 12 year olds going to the "park round the corner" in broad daylight is not inherently unsafe.

A conversation about safe choices needs to include discussion of how to sensibly risk assess.

Pretty sure most of us done this when we were young. I would remind them to wake me next time they wanted to go for a early morning walk.

Why would you think that the police would pick up two twelve year olds? That's batshit and you know they won't, so why did you bother saying it?

At twelve my eldest DD had to leave the house just after 7 each morning to get the bus to school. On her own. Should the police have picked her up then? I'm glad they didn't.

The girls did message you. They didn't just disappear. Some wouldn't have bothered messaging at all so count yourself fortunate.

I think grounding them for the day is a bit much though. They probably didn't know that they were doing anything wrong so you really just need to explain it. Say that in your book it was a little too early and a little too lonely, and you would have preferred a discussion first rather than to just find them gone.

Tell them that if they promise they have understood that then you are happy to rethink your original knee jerk reaction of banning them from going into town - because let's face it, that's what it was. Let them go provided that they are back at any agreed time and promise to work with that.

No I wouldn't punish them. They told you where they'd gone and at 12 years old are fine to be alone surely?
Mine used to go for early morning runs around that age, maybe a year older.

So many varied opinions, glad I posted. I have had a teenager before, but every child is different and I am more wary of girls being out and about.

It is interesting that people feel I should have contacted the other child’s parents before the sleepover. I have always seen it as my responsibility to put whatever in place for my DD that I see fit and leave other parents to do the same for their DC. Will mull over what to do about that.

I didn’t shout or get cross and it seems they have passed out now so glad they didn’t go skipping off to town. Will see how the mood is when they wake up

This would not bother me hugely - I think it would be a telling off for not telling me but actually I find it cute! They were up and wanted to be out in the fresh air!

god, kids can't get anything right - would you prefer they were just slumped with no initiative in front of a tv waiting to be told what to do - as SO MANY kids live their lives.

Let's celebrate young people having a bit of spark about them,.

And just seen they did tell you! So - nothing wrong here. I wouldn't have made the come back either - park will be full of dog walkers at that time perfectly safe.

I have a 13 yr old. Friends come and stay often - I don't check it with the parents, I assume parents know where their kids are and are in contact via text. Not my issue.
Regarding the dawn wandering I think I would say why I'm not ok with it and make clear it mustn't happen again. No need for a big issue or punishments though.

I think you are being way too harsh here. They have actually acted responsibility- they have just misjudged it.

From their perspective they have-
gone somewhere familiar with someone familiar
communicated their intention to a trusted and responsible adult
Been contactable and traceable by phone.

I have the same age child and I’d be explaining that I’d reacted in panic because it had scared me to wake up to an empty house, then I’d would speak to them about what your rules are surrounding going out. Mine would be that they are ok to go out but that it needs to be acknowledged by me (in message or if I don’t answer they need to actually speak to me).

Then I would take them into town as agreed, reminding them of where they can/ can’t go, prearranged pick up time (or we phone at a prearranged time and either sort out pick up or agree extension on time in town).

It’s a huge learning curve but I think going in heavy just makes sneaky children, and if you don’t generally have issues of this sort then I would be giving grace and asking them to do better next time!

It's too early to be out disturbing neighbours too so yes they should have been told off

If they hadn’t told me (although it should have been asked) I wouldn’t have posted here, I would have been very confident in my decision to not be at all happy and act accordingly.

Also I meet all friends before sleepovers. We always do tea here and I arrange to drop the child home under the provision “I’m going to X afterwards” so it’s no bother. I always go to the door to suss out parent/ house. Then I’ve generally got a good idea of what the friend is like too :-) we have had children sleep at ours though where I haven’t met the parents and I was quite shocked at that!

They did let you know. I might not have reacted very well to begin with, but I don't think they did anything terrible. If they'd gone without messaging, that would be different.

As DC get older you need to get in the habit of checking your phone before panicking!

I wouldn't do anything this time but tell them not to go out without letting you know in future and why.

I honestly think this would be fine unless you live in a really high crime area. I'd be a bit surprised but I wouldn't be cross. I know it doesn't really count as it was 40 years ago but I used to go out for a walk before everyone was up when I was eight or nine, so I guess it seems normal to me, and that was before phones! Not saying eight or nine year olds should do this nowadays, just that 12 seems fine to go to the park in daylight. I have a 13 year old.

Once 12+ I think the same as you. I worry about my own kid and let other parents worry about theirs.

Can I tell off my neighbours who leave for work at 6.30am and sometimes wake us up? Or another neighbour who goes jogging at 6am?

Unless they were screaming in the street (noting that they didn't wake OP up, so seems like they were quiet), why would this be any more disruptive to neighbours than usual morning activities?