How would you react if your 12 year old did this?

[AlanJohnsonsBeemer]

INSET day here today so DC had a friend to sleepover last night. Woke up at 7am to find them and their friend not here. Extreme panic! Checked Life360 and they were in the park round the corner! Phoned and told them to come home immediately. They had Whatsapped at 6.30 saying they were bored and were going for a walk/to park.

Would you punish/revoke freedoms for a bit? Or is it a bit silly? Totally fine?

Some kids leave at the time to get bus//train to school from 11am so not necessarily odd. I’d only be concerned depending on the area and who might be hanging about at that time.

When I was that age infrequently left my mum a note saying I’d gone out to play with friends and used the back door where the key was kept in a drawer. Must have been pre age 13 as I had a key from then. But was summer and my mum was a teacher so off work too and often slept in longer than we did as kids. My youngest is usually up an hour or so before me most days - even on school days! Lol. I think it’s more a case of re setting the boundaries. I wouldn’t stop them going into town in the afternoon though as they’ll be really bored and extra tired so will likely just fall asleep in the house. Being out in town might keep them awake.

There is no way the police would pick up 12 year olds!

Trouble is there aren't generally people around at 5.30am to "raise concerns". And the people that are about will either not care or be minding their own business.

But wouldn't your phone show a message 630am from dd

So surely you would have read this before looking on 360

Not really the same. OP was sleeping. She may have been unaware. They could have decided to go further afield. Venture near water and got into difficulty. Its quiet. No-one around...

She did say they were going, on WhatsApp, but you didn’t say that in your OP.
Kids assume that everyone has notifications set and/or checks their phone very frequently.
My first thought on waking up and finding them gone wouldn’t have been panic or anger, it would have been “Hm, did she leave a message?” and I would then have checked my phone.

I would have been very cross. It doesn't matter that they left a message, it was light or that they were just bored. 12 is way too young to be letting yourself come and go as you please. So much can and does happen to young people even in broad daylight.

It's actually still quite dangerous at that time of day, too empty at weekends. Also round about when junkies run out of highs and head out for the day. But I guess as long as they don't have any money they can't get mugged lol. 8am would be reasonable.

She says they did message at 6.30 to say they were going out

At that age I would just tell them its not ok to go out without letting you know/asking permission first (sending a message isn't letting you know, a response is needed) rather than punish them.
But I'd be relieved it was only going to the park early in the morning, rather than going to the park in the middle of the night like my DD and her friend did as 8 year olds, DD got brought home by the police thankfully (as in, thankfully someone saw them and called the police who went out to find them) or something even worse.

I'd tell her that next time she needs to wake me up to tell me, and that I won't be annoyed but would rather be awake than unaware. Then I'd make sure she knows for sure how to stay safe.

You say you don't have a contact nr. for the friend's mother? I would always insist on it if she was coming for a sleepover.

I think it’s more mad that you allowed a friend to sleep over without any contact with their parents. I’d want their phone number and to have at least exchanged texts beforehand agreeing arrangements.

The park thing just needs a conversation clarifying the rules about talking to an adult in person before they go anywhere. In their defence they messaged, had the tracker on and it was broad daylight.

I'd be really pleased that they were up and about and outside in the sunshine, but I'd have a chat about making sure I'd got the message before they went out.

I used to be a “junkie”. When I “ran out of my high” the last people on this planet I would have approached was 2 tweenage girls(or boys!). I appreciate that’s just my experience but your comment really got my back up and I felt I needed to respond

I truly am one of the most laid back parents on earth, and even I think that you were far more out of order than the girls were. You had an 11 yr stay at your house, all night, with absolutely no contact or agreement from their parents? Have I really got that right?
You are saying that you were frantic because they weren’t there when you woke up, even though they had sent you a message and you could see where your DD was. What about DD’s friend? If you hadn’t confirmed with her parents that she was staying at yours, how do you know that they haven’t been frantic all night, with no idea where she is? If I’ve misunderstood, then I apologise, but my mind boggles, tbh. Kids since the dawn of time have told their parents they are staying with friends, while they are actually spending the night in the local park/ woods. We all did it, and fortunately most of us had no major incidents as a result, but please make sure that next time you confirm with the parents. Nothing worse than sitting up all night, wondering why your 11 yr didn’t come home last night.

And no, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if my 11yr went to the park early in the morning, before I got up, so long as she’d messaged me, or left a note. But I do think that it would depend on where we lived. There are definitely places where I wouldn’t want her to do that.

I think I would have been worried too. 6.30 is too early to be out at the park, depending on where you live.All the parks around here are small and are surrounded by resident housing, people going quietly to work or school are not the same as people playing, giggling, playing TikToks loudly etc. Plus, all the people talking about dog walkers being about so it's safe, the addition of a canine does not make anyone a safe adult. Here it is definitely quiet of a morning so in my mind more likely for a stranger danger situation. I think it's a difficult age really, still quite naiive of danger but yearning for independence.

In your shoes I would praise the leaving of message but say that a call or face to face message is needed next time. 8am is earliest to be out at a weekend.

Plus, all the people talking about dog walkers being about so it's safe, the addition of a canine does not make anyone a safe adult.

People are mentioning dog walkers to indicate that there are people about doing normal every day things. Not to say that a random dog walker isn't a child molester. Although dog walkers that are child molesters at 6.30am don't miraculously become less dangerous later in the day.

They didn't actually do anything wrong as you hadn't set those boundaries already. They were out in daylight, when plenty of people will be up walking dogs or running. They told you where they were. Yes you need a conversation about telling you in person before they go out but your reaction is over the top.
Why would the police be interested in two 12 year old girls out in daylight not doing anything wrong? They aren't toddlers!

I think the police might have been concerned enough to stop and talk to the girls who were not in school uniform and out early. The police may think they were vulnerable and had been out for some or all of the night.
^I don't think Op over reacted but it does sound like dd probably believed by sending a text she was covered for an early morning trip to the park.
Just a chat about your concerns and the best thing for her to do in future would be how I would handle this.^