Please help - husband has had a psychotic breakdown

[Terrifiedforthefuture]

I’ve namechanged for this as I don’t want it linked to my other posts.

My husband is in hospital after suffering from a psychotic breakdown. He has had problems with alcohol and cocaine on and off for as long as I remember. His behaviour this weekend has been aggressive, paranoid and delusional. He made a completely false and dangerous allegation about me and told his family and mine that it was true. I made him leave the house yesterday and he continued to berate me with aggressive messages so I blocked his number.

The police came to my house this afternoon to do a welfare check on me and the children. They said he had been found in an area about 3 miles from our home (of which he has no known connections) and concerned residents had reported it. Police say he was extremely paranoid and delusional and they were very concerned for his well-being. They brought him to a&e for a mental health assessment. They asked if I wanted to see him and I said I was unsure, they said as he had been aggressive towards me all weekend and was still extremely paranoid maybe it wasn’t a good idea for me to see him right now in case he lashes out at me.

I have contacted his siblings who are all down at the hospital with him now while I am home with our two very young children, one with SN.

I don’t know why I am posting or what I am hoping to get from it but I am terrified and really need a handhold.

He is abusing drugs and alcohol, if he has mental ilness, it made it worse. You know the answer, he should leave your life or if you chose , you have to work hard to pay all his bills, all his medical costs and cover all his issues but where this will leave you?!

What I will also add which is quite controversial and maybe jumping the gun a bit; is about length of antipsychotic use after first episode.

I was lucky that one of my best friends is doing a phd with leading psychiatrists. So my partner and I were lucky enough to have some personal hand holding through the whole thing.

Very recent (or at the time of my episode about 5 yrs ago) research had shown that shorter use of antipsychotics were better for long term FULL recovery.

The NHS will want to keep him on them 1yr+. This is because your likelihood of a relapse is better in the short term on antipsychotics. And every episode increases likelihood of permanent problems. So there is sense in this but the recent research is showing in the long run that actually it’s better to come off them quite quickly. I think for me it was c. 3 months and then I refused any more and said I will only engage with a psychologist. I then had therapy and sleep hygiene cbt.

Hes not going to be in a state to do this research. I think once things have calmed down you should do some reading yourself to understand the research. But I wouldn’t tell him about it yet. He needs to be on them for a while and he probably won’t want to be.

I assume the OP is in the UK, in which case there will not be any medical bills or costs (unless they go private)

one of which has SN and the other a chronic health condition.

Ss can support you
Are you already in touch with children with dissbilities team?
You can ask for extra respite support short breaks access to kids camps in summer etc

that's a bit premature! the man is unwell. he needs help. he can recover

Oh fuck off. He is ill. I have been sectioned and my DH didn't divorce me. He would have done had I not looked after myself and done all I could to get well but he stood by me and I'm well, a fantastic(ish) mother and working full time.

Op I hope that you gleaned some good advice from the more considered posts. Just wanted to say I hope you get some rest tonight. One step at a time tomorrow, gather the info you need, get whatever help you can with the children and try not to let your mind run to all the what ifs. All you xan deal with is what's happening at the time.

What country are you describing here? Not the UK that's for sure. The OP is right to ask questions but the chances of the above happening in the UK are vanishingly small.

It will be a cobbled together 'plan' that functions in almost no way and she needs to be prepared for that. The above may have applied circa 1983.

Yes UK. I have worked with a lot of patients in mental health hospitals who have children and that’s what happens. OP asked for what could lie ahead and I described the general process of being admitted under section .

Brought on by alcohol and drug abuse so of his own making. Regardless, he isn’t a problem for the OP to fix. Ill or not, his own fault or not, the OP rightly has to put herself and her kids first.

From my experience OP, I would get the fuck away. My former partner was sectioned numerous times. First time it happened when we were together, I stood by him. Second time? I planned my escape. The delusions, the paranoia, the awful, bizarre things he said to me…I just could not see myself dealing with that long term. Thankfully we weren’t married and had no children, so it was easy to extract myself from the situation.

As much as I wanted him to get better and ultimately become a productive member of society, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my life for him. Think of yourself and your children.

What she said.

I am currently at work right now on an acute mental health ward. We do not and never will discriminate.

If a pissed up person gets run over by a car tonight should they not have a bed on a medical ward because it's 'self inflicted'? FFS never heard such shit tbh.

Most adult acute wards are male and female so I hardy think he is taking a female bed.

Sometimes please can we just be kind.

We don't now if the episode is drug induced or a maladaptive coping mechanism for an underlying MH illness, and even that is academic.

A man is poorly he is in crisis lets just focus on the issue and not apportion blame eh?

OP I do hope he gets the help he needs but I think right now you just have to think about you and your children and take care of you and them.

You can make life changing decisions at your leisure once you have had time to think and the situation becomes more clear.
Hope that you can find strength to look after yourself.

Stay in contact with one of his siblings who is with him and take their lead as to whether you should visit.
It is best that he is sectioned and treated if that is what the mental health team think is required. Your knowledge of his drug habits and usual behavour could be beneficial for the health officials.
Best of luck and it sure would be terrifying for you right now so stay safe. Enlist the help of his siblings to keep you and the children safe. The siblings should be told the gravity of the drug use.

Of course they can and do.

Really? The exact same thing happened to my family member, he was sectioned then they tested for drugs. He tested positive and they immediately discharged him, saying they don’t treat people who have psychotic episodes due to drugs.

OP your immediate priority is to protect yourself and the kids. Contact social services.

Agree with Myrtle. That was my family experience. Drug test positive = immediate unsectioning. Can’t really blame them. With limited resources they need to prioritise people they think they can actually help, those who want to help themselves.

I was saying the opposite. They can abd do section people who take drugs. Drug taking / alcohol abuse and mental illness are not incompatible.

Sectioning is not about prioritising people they think they can help. Those people would likely be voluntary inpatients. Sectioning is reserved for those who ar e a danger to themselves or others - irrespective of whether they want to help themselves.

I recently heard of a case about a man who had a psychotic episode. He was hospitalized but released without a proper assessment and he went home and bludgeoned his girlfriend to death with a hammer. As supportive as I am of mental illness, I would not allow someone with this particular diagnosis in my home and certainly not around my children. Please be very careful, OP.

Oops sorry Myrtle I meant they can refuse to section drug takers. Probably depends on the area I guess. Our experience was they sectioned him then discharged him as soon as they detected drugs in his system. I was begging them to take him in and try to help him but they said a firm no.

Weirdly enough though, or perhaps fortunately enough, it was the shock he needed to quit, and he’s been clean for 6 years now.

Your husband has to want to get better OP. No-one can help him unless he does.

www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/bc-man-left-hospital-1-hour-before-killing-girlfried-1.6890506 

You had a long history of alcoholism and cocaine use? Oh right... No.

Sorry to hear this OP - but it really is the safest place for him, and he has people around him who care.

I've been sectioned before (Section 2) and can obviously only offer a single lived experience example - but the care team were careful to assess the longer term care options, inclusive of what my home environment was and whether it was safe.

With my limited experience of friends who have had mental health/addiction issues, they have normally been referred on to rehab centres with mental health support as opposed to stricter mental health hospitals - especially for first time on services radar like this. If the psychotic episode has been triggered by substance issues, the cause is likelier the first target to cure as opposed to straight for the psychotic episode itself. (Again, not the same for everyone so nobody start getting aggy at me!)

If it's too hard to see your DH (understandable especially for the moment), but you still wish to show your support, messages throughout the day and occasional letter/photo/momento delivered by a sibling will go a long way and help you keep your boundaries as needed.

Good luck x

Thanks everyone. I haven’t posted in a few hours, here are the recent updates:
he has been assessed by the mental health team who are confident it is a drug-induced psychosis and not a long term mental health disorder. His brother is staying with him overnight and said the mental health team think it is likely he will be fit for discharge to his parents house tomorrow with them calling out to him each day. His family have assured me he will not be anywhere near my house.

His phone is gone. The police told me when they called that they searched him and he had no phone on him, just his driving licence. So at least he cannot contact me as I can’t/won’t speak to him right now.

For everyone saying he has an illness, yes I get that. But we have been round the block over and over again with his substance abuse. I’ve thrown him out and threatened divorce so many times and have been promised the world while he’s on best behaviour for a few months then something happens again. This has been the biggest wake up call for me there could ever be. He has issues but he will not change and even if he does it is too late for our marriage. I will allow him to see the children (supervised at his parents house) when he is more stable but that will be it for the foreseeable. Tomorrow I am contacting a solicitor for advice.

I hope everyone who says “he has an illness and needs help etc” realises I have tried to help. Many, many, many times. I won’t be trying to help any more. That is for his family to deal with while I navigate life as a single mother to two wonderful little girls.

Im going to be checking out of this thread now, but thank you to everyone who has replied. All posts may not have been obviously helpful but it has allowed me to see both sides of the argument and each response has helped pull me out of a dark place tonight and give me strength. I read each and every response and took it all on board. Thank you

What @Coolblur said.

OP, you may not think it will come to a situation where you being pressured to take him back home, but you need to prepare for that all the same.