Please help - husband has had a psychotic breakdown

[Terrifiedforthefuture]

I’ve namechanged for this as I don’t want it linked to my other posts.

My husband is in hospital after suffering from a psychotic breakdown. He has had problems with alcohol and cocaine on and off for as long as I remember. His behaviour this weekend has been aggressive, paranoid and delusional. He made a completely false and dangerous allegation about me and told his family and mine that it was true. I made him leave the house yesterday and he continued to berate me with aggressive messages so I blocked his number.

The police came to my house this afternoon to do a welfare check on me and the children. They said he had been found in an area about 3 miles from our home (of which he has no known connections) and concerned residents had reported it. Police say he was extremely paranoid and delusional and they were very concerned for his well-being. They brought him to a&e for a mental health assessment. They asked if I wanted to see him and I said I was unsure, they said as he had been aggressive towards me all weekend and was still extremely paranoid maybe it wasn’t a good idea for me to see him right now in case he lashes out at me.

I have contacted his siblings who are all down at the hospital with him now while I am home with our two very young children, one with SN.

I don’t know why I am posting or what I am hoping to get from it but I am terrified and really need a handhold.

@usedtobeasizeten er, no

Not everyone fails to get over an addiction. I know someone who's an alcoholic and hasnt drank for nearly 4 years. So proud! People can get over an addiction. They need support. Not aholes around them who just give up when it gets tough.

It isn't clear whether he abuses drugs and drink because he has MH problems, or if the reason he has MH problems is because of the drugs and drink.

Either way, the safety of the children is always more important than the adults. Always.

The police did not mention anything about a referral to children’s services, is this likely in this scenario? Not that I am concerned about that, I’d just like to know if I’m likely to expect a social worker to contact me in the following days.

I doubt it. One of the reasons for the police asking if you want to see him (when they already know it's not a good idea) is to see if you were like "oh yes definitely, when can he come home?" Then they'd have involved social services. But if you're not planning to have him back then you're safeguarding the DC and there's nothing for anyone to deal with. I'm glad his family are helping you (and him) and not causing hassle, they seem like sensible people.

So he is aggressive with you but not family, people in the community, police and hospital staff.

@itsgettingweird

Undiagnosed neurodiversity? Fuckinghell are we really at this point now where NO ONE in society can take some accountability for their poor choices? Utterly ridiculous.

There are many people who suffer with their mental health or who may have undiagnosed autism etc. Guess what? They still don’t abuse cocaine. Maybe people think their being kind and non judgmental with their thinking on this but it is so misguided.

A lot of individuals suffer horribly with psychosis and fall through the mental health system because they don’t present with such behaviours (violence, substance abuse, recklessness, domestic abuse) etc etc.

Well I’m all out of sympathy for blokes who abuse cocaine. They’re ten a penny. I just wish that those individuals who could really do with an inpatient stay were able to get one but they can’t because their only deemed a risk to themselves and not others. To get a bed now you need to tick both of those boxes so the “quiet psychotics” are just left to rot. Perhaps I’d they did make poorer choices they would get some much needed help.

The first step is to get him the help he needs, mental health beds do not simply get handed to patients with drug or alcohol problems; it's the largest exclusion criteria there is (head injury is another one), so be warned it's unlikely he will be given a mental health bed until he has detoxed - Mental Health beds with detox facilities are few and far between in the country, and it's a shit fight to get any bed at the moment.

Some of his behaviour could be down to the head injury (obviously post head injury), the CT scan will guide the medical staff on that - he may stay in a neuro ward under watch.

The bar to get sectioned is very, very, very fucking high (they are not "handed out to coke" addicts as some people in this thread seem to think), he will have had bloods that can show current and past usage and give an indication of levels.

Please don't get your hopes up he will be sectioned, he may be home / a place of safety, under the crisis or home intervention team - this will depend largely on whether they think he needs to detox and whether they think it can be done at home, not on his mental health (frustratingly).

Do you have the means to pay to go privately, health insurance, or company health insurance policies?

He may be referred to Early Intervention Psychosis Team or Ward - these people are smashing and support families day in and day out.

Start writing down a list of any questions you may have (I used my phone), ask for a contact point for care coordinator, ensure you are not (and delegate if you are) nearest relative (legally you will be). Be prepared he may not be sectioned, he could go voluntarily, or he may go home/parents, or detox.

To all of you having a shit fight amongst yourselves, perhaps leave this thread as a place to support and advise the OP hey?

Just been through this with a close family member - no drugs involved though.

They were technically sectioned, but a place couldn't be found in a medical facility so they were sent home with us. We had multiple daily visits from the psych (crisis) team that included a psychiatrist, social worker, occupational heath worker and MH nurses. After they were no longer deemed an immediate risk, they were allocated another (pathways) team that will be involved now for probably two years.

Places for MH patients are few and far between just now. People are sometimes having to travel hundreds of miles to vacant beds that come up. But I guess they take the circumstances of the family into consideration before they send a patient home in that state.

Sending a hand hold OP.

@Irunoncoffeemascaraandhighheels You are talking absolute rubbish.

If the police are involved and it's a 136 that's been carried out from a home address that has children in it then social services will be notified - they very rarely do anything and there's usually no further social services input unless the HTT/CRT social worker visits (and then that's for the adult, not necessarily the kids).

They asked the OP if she wanted to see him because he's her husband - and it's a normal thing to want to see someone if they are unwell. OP it's also totally understandable why you don't want to see him as well.

This. 100%

A lot of the beds are taken up by drug induced psychosis in our local hospital but you are right in that not every person who turns up after a Coke binge will be admitted. Not enough beds for that for a start. It’s not a guarantee, but to state that no beds are given to those who abuse substances is also untrue. Early intervention provision also differs widely across different areas. When it’s done well it’s very good but that’s often the exception.

I would recommend that you contact Mind (the charity), they will probably have a local branch that will be well placed to explain to you what may happen next, what forms of support are available for you and the children etc.

I would also tell school/nursery in the morning so that they can be aware in case the kids are upset when they are there.

Write down everything as it happens so that you have a record later, you will probably forget things that you then later wish you could remember.

And OP - there will be a full risk assessment wherever he goes, and that will be with people in the home, as well as hospital staff. You are well within your right to say you don't want him home with young children there.

Please feel free to DM me if you have any questions (I've been where you are a few times between a partner (no drugs/alcohol) and a brother in law (meth addict).

That sounds very hard op. You don’t need to make big decisions on whether to divorce or not right now

Just draw on support from family and friends and see what the medical feedback is

Once he is deemed medically fit he will have a mental health act assessment.
he may or may not be detained- hard to say but if drug induced real possibility of not.
if he is detained (or goes into hospital informally) he probably won’t get prescribed anti psychotic medication (just going by your description) but a referral to drug and alcohol services and short admission
of course, there may be underlying acute mental illness that is treatable but it is undeniable the effect of drugs and alcohol on his mental state

i find it interesting he’s not being aggressive to ED staff, police, his family but is to you- id really think about that OP as it speaks volumes

id be surprised if the police don’t notify social services or the ED staff since there are children in the home- you may receive a phone call from them in the next few days.

take care of yourself and listen to your gut . mental health problems can be disabling and chronic and require treatment, compassion and empathy but they can also be used as an excuse for choosing to do drugs and treating people badly when there is in fact not acute illness there. I have unfortunately seen the latter

OP despite some of the comments on this thread, you don't have to have him back whether he sorts himself out or not. It's your decision if you want the marriage to continue and you don't need to justify your choice to anyone. It would be totally understandable if you could never trust him again.

If you decide not to be involved in his possible recovery (because there's no guarantee he's even willing to try) that's also fine and it doesn't make you a bad person. It's not your job to support him, or to put your life on hold while you wait to see if he can get sober/recover from addiction. If you want to walk away that's ok.

If you want to support him whilst safeguarding your DC and your own MH that's ok too. You might find it's not possible to support him and maintain your own wellbeing and that of DC, you're allowed to change your mind on something you've previously agreed to and it doesn't make you an arsehole to do that.

Also, don't tell anyone outside your family - it's your husband's health details - they should remain confidential until he has the capacity to disclose and can chose who he wants to know.

Op, this is a truly awful situation for you. Can I ask gently why you decided to have children with him when you knew he had a history for drug and alcohol abuse? Was he abusing drugs and alcohol when you met him? This is unlikely to get any better, for your children’s well being, divorce him and do not let him have contact.

Sending you strength to get through this.

I'm glad his family are being so supportive - this will give you time to decide how you feel about the situation and the next steps.

Would you care to back up your seemingly sexist comments with some actual facts and data?

If he's had alcohol and cocaine issues for as long as you can remember and you have had children growing up around that, social services would definitely be contacted in the hospital where I work.

Thought I could give you some info as I have had one psychotic episode, bought on by stress.

on mental health ward for about 6 weeks, not sectioned as I wasn’t threatening to leave.

I was totally out of it for the first 2 weeks then the drugs started working. Once I was a bit better, I started having home visits after a bit 4 weeks.

if you are wondering whether you should visit, I would wait until the drugs have started working and he’s a bit more settled. When you visit it will prob be very upsetting for you.

i was also aggressive and violent to the people I loved. You have no control and it’s very scary illness.

fortunately you can make a full recover, but it’s likely to take several months and require a lot of support from wider family etc.

take care

There will be a referral to SS yes, because of him being hospitalised and taking drugs the hospital have to let them know as there are kids involved. They will probably phone you, may put the kids on the ‘in need’ register for a short time, then if you are all ok and no concerns we get removed. Don’t panic, the in need register is not the same as the ‘at risk’ one.

I'm a MH nurse. I think your implication that people with drug induced psychosis are somehow less deserving of help is terrible. Also - every MH unit I have been exposed to so far has had male wards and female wards for acutely unwell people such as this. It is never as simple or cold as "druggie men self-inflicting their illnesses taking beds from traumatised women who are the real victims".

I've yet to meet a MH nurse worth their salt who is "sick of dealing with people who take psycho active drugs" in the way you frame this. Worried/burnt out by the endemic issue, yes, but not with the vitriol and value judgement you seem to frame the issue with. Anyone thinking that way should not be in the profession without some serious supervision and reflective practice.

OP - I'm here for a hand hold. Lots of info floating around already and don't want to heap more on. Just know you are in my thoughts and I hope this all goes as smoothly as possible for you all.

Usually female? You do know that suicide is the biggest single killer of men under 40, as men are supposed to just get on with it and not show any weakness and talk about MH? Comments like yours are one of the reasons these men don’t feel like they can ask for help