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Original poster

Please help - husband has had a psychotic breakdown

193 replies

Terrifiedforthefuture · 02/07/2023 17:57

I’ve namechanged for this as I don’t want it linked to my other posts.

My husband is in hospital after suffering from a psychotic breakdown. He has had problems with alcohol and cocaine on and off for as long as I remember. His behaviour this weekend has been aggressive, paranoid and delusional. He made a completely false and dangerous allegation about me and told his family and mine that it was true. I made him leave the house yesterday and he continued to berate me with aggressive messages so I blocked his number.

The police came to my house this afternoon to do a welfare check on me and the children. They said he had been found in an area about 3 miles from our home (of which he has no known connections) and concerned residents had reported it. Police say he was extremely paranoid and delusional and they were very concerned for his well-being. They brought him to a&e for a mental health assessment. They asked if I wanted to see him and I said I was unsure, they said as he had been aggressive towards me all weekend and was still extremely paranoid maybe it wasn’t a good idea for me to see him right now in case he lashes out at me.

I have contacted his siblings who are all down at the hospital with him now while I am home with our two very young children, one with SN.

I don’t know why I am posting or what I am hoping to get from it but I am terrified and really need a handhold.

OP posts:
Irunoncoffeemascaraandhighheels · 02/07/2023 19:26

OP you don't have to continue with the marriage if you don't want to. I don't know what the specific reasons are you're terrified for yours and DC future, but hopefully some of this information will reassure you. If you need rehousing due to DV or homelessness the council will sort that out. If you're a single parent with no/limited income you can claim benefits. Just because your H is psychotic doesn't mean your DC will be. Especially if his is drug/alcohol induced. Now his issues are on record I guess you've grounds for not letting him see DC if you believe he's a danger to them. The police/women's aid can help you if he's a danger to you. You'll find a way to get through this and rebuild your life. Right now your nerves are shredded because of the experience you've had but that will pass. 💐

Random789 · 02/07/2023 19:27

Sorry, op, I crossposted with you. So glad his family are being suppportive. Take care xxxxx

RibbonAroundTheBomb · 02/07/2023 19:28

I just wanted to offer a non-judgemental handhold as I've been through a very similar situation.

My DH suffers with mental health issues, and has used alcohol and cocaine in the past as a coping mechanism. There have been a couple of occasions where things have spiralled out of control and resulted in a 2-3 day binge. As a result of no sleep, he's had a psychotic breakdown where he's become agitated, paranoid and delusional. It's scary to witness - and isolating.

I have found the Smart Recovery family and friends online group sessions very useful. I've not had the courage to speak yet (you can keep your camera and microphone off if you want to remain anonymous) but found it really useful to hear other people talk about their experiences and hear about some of the tools and resources. There are other organisations out there that offer similar groups - it's all about finding the right group for you (if you think that would help you of course!).

Take care of yourself - and feel free to PM me

WestwardHo1 · 02/07/2023 19:31

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2023 18:27

You need to do whatever it takes to keep him away from you and your children, and you should file for divorce immediately. You cannot help him, and he will only drag you down with him.

Jesus Chris @Aquamarine1029. Mental breakdowns can happen to anyone. My dad had one. So glad my mum and we siblings didn't have your attitude.

cestlavielife · 02/07/2023 19:32

He is being looked after

You need to look after you and dc

Refuse to have him home without support
Probably best he stays elsewhere

WestwardHo1 · 02/07/2023 19:32

That's absolutely not to say that the OP needs to do the same, but things are not often as clear cut as that.

The drink and drugs adds another slant to it of course. Reason enough to divorce.

Irunoncoffeemascaraandhighheels · 02/07/2023 19:32

Jusmakingit · 02/07/2023 18:39

It’s extremely common to find adults with mental health problems, especially men to use a form coping mechanism . This usually is recreation drugs, drinking, gambling … forms of addiction.

It's still a choice to use those coping mechanisms instead of going to the doctor. OP doesn't have to put up with it. Her DC lives don't have to be ruined by his life choices.

MaggieBroonofGlebeSt · 02/07/2023 19:33

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2023 19:04

Calm down, FFS.

My only concern right now is for the safety of the op and her children. End of discussion. If her husband refuses treatment, refuses to stop using drugs, and ends up on the street due to his decision to use coke, so be it. Whether he's mentally ill and self-medicating is a moot point right now. He's paranoid, he's psychotic, and he's dangerous. The primary concern for the op should be her children's safety and stability.

Show quote history

This is actually true. I have extensive experience of someone with severe MH problems - my mother. Years and years of dealing with her problems and now my DD is the same age as I was when my mum was first admitted to hospital. She's never been well, won't help herself despite the extensive help she's been offered, and she's worn out my dad and me and my sister with her chaos. My kids hate her, I can't bear her because of her selfishness.

Get away from someone in this situation and don't look back is honestly the best advice, unless they are prepared to take action to make themselves better (rare). Please don't bring your kids up around a dad like this. It isn't fair on them.

usedtobeasizeten · 02/07/2023 19:33

SatOnBeckysHill · 02/07/2023 18:31

@Aquamarine1029 yeah kick a man when he's down eh? He's ill. No fault of his own....mental illness

Would you say that to a man whose wife was suffering the same?

Read the thread again from the beginning….

MrsMarzetti · 02/07/2023 19:33

SatOnBeckysHill · 02/07/2023 18:31

@Aquamarine1029 yeah kick a man when he's down eh? He's ill. No fault of his own....mental illness

Would you say that to a man whose wife was suffering the same?

Yes i would if she had spent years putting alcohol and class A drugs before her children and Husband.

SparklingMarkling · 02/07/2023 19:35

@WestwardHo1

My Nan had many inpatient stays due to her psychosis. It stemmed from severe dissociation linked to her childhood abuse. Most people who have psychosis don’t just wake up out of the blue with it. There will be some severe trauma/stress/upset etc. Sniffing a load of cocaine on a binge and ending up in a psychotic state is hardly a…. surprise. My own brother ended up in a similar state after a 5 day cocaine binge. He wasn’t hospitalised, he locked himself in his house for days and waited for it pass. He’s never sniffed Coke again and is now back to “normal”. Let’s stop making excuses for people.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2023 19:35

WestwardHo1 · 02/07/2023 19:32

That's absolutely not to say that the OP needs to do the same, but things are not often as clear cut as that.

The drink and drugs adds another slant to it of course. Reason enough to divorce.

The drink and drugs adds another slant to it of course. Reason enough to divorce.

And yet you slate me for what I said? Right.

truthhurts23 · 02/07/2023 19:36

SatOnBeckysHill · 02/07/2023 18:31

@Aquamarine1029 yeah kick a man when he's down eh? He's ill. No fault of his own....mental illness

Would you say that to a man whose wife was suffering the same?

It’s not a mental illness, it’s an effect of his heavy drug and alcohol use , which is self inflicted

baggiesmalls · 02/07/2023 19:38

I would imagine due to the drug and alcohol use that social services will get a referral but I wouldn't worry about that - as long as you safeguard the children they'll do some cursory checks as is necessary.

The fact he is currently held for assessment and then going to his parents it should be fine .

Zarataralara · 02/07/2023 19:39

Jusmakingit · 02/07/2023 18:37

If he is sectioned he will be in hospital until they can secure a place in a mental health hospital. I would recommend reading up on different sections to know the process. Usually he will be assessed by psychiatrists , mental health nurses and a range of doctors whilst in the mental health facility. He will have meetings to discuss the underlying issues causing his breakdown , how he can be supported , most likely medicated . They will likely contact yourself to get more understanding of his background , relationships, family , job etc to build his life picture. depending on his section he will have escorted or unescorted leave from the grounds of the hospital . Usually to begin with itl be escorted with a member of the staff. Depending his risk to himself and or others will also be a factor. He could be there for days or weeks. They will want to know about the living situation and if you feel safe living with him. He will get support once he is discharged but that’s the main thing, it’s consistency on his part to stick to appointments, medication etc . It may be a long road depending what there assessment brings up and his level of mental health problems.

I have worked in a mental health hospital and I am also a mental health nurse

Great post, full of information.
OP, when they ask you about your husband please be truthful about the extent of his alcohol and drug use. I think it’s important to be 100% truthful to help him get well, minimising it won’t help him.
Best wishes to you, please get plenty of support for yourself, maybe start with your GP for best advice.

Hollyppp · 02/07/2023 19:41

His family sound great - so good to know they will support him and also support you in having some space/safety

WestwardHo1 · 02/07/2023 19:43

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2023 19:35

The drink and drugs adds another slant to it of course. Reason enough to divorce.

And yet you slate me for what I said? Right.

Show quote history

Drink and drugs are a choice.

itsgettingweird · 02/07/2023 19:43

Jusmakingit · 02/07/2023 18:39

It’s extremely common to find adults with mental health problems, especially men to use a form coping mechanism . This usually is recreation drugs, drinking, gambling … forms of addiction.

Very true. Often those with undiagnosed neurodiversity.

OP you don't need to do anything now. You can take time to decide what's best and that doesn't need to be until you have all th e information.

Do you have a friend or family member that could come and stay with you for a few days?

SayHi · 02/07/2023 19:43

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I know it’s not the same but my mum had a psychotic breakdown.

It caused my dad to have a heart attack and almost die, my brother to be signed off work with stress and now has high blood pressure, my sister collapsed at work and had an ambulance called through exhaustion/stress and I almost had a breakdown myself.

If I could go back in time I would have reduced contact way sooner and put myself and DC first.

In the end we found a solution that meant we never saw her alone and we took in turns to block her number and didn’t tell that person about her for a couple of days unless it was an emergency so we could get a break.

So please don’t feel bad for not seeing him right now, as you need to focus on you and your DC.

It sounds like he already has a lot of support so don’t make yourself ill by worrying about him all of the time.

Perhaps step back for a couple of days and ask his siblings to take over and then go and see him without the DC.

SatOnBeckysHill · 02/07/2023 19:45

Els1e · 02/07/2023 19:01

@@SatOnBeckysHill and what’s your advice? OP needs to put her needs first. Then work out what they can do to support others.

I posted my advice early on in the thread!!!

His siblings are with him now in the hospital so I suggested maybe one of them could have him discharged there and that op should take out a restraining order.....what's your advice?

crochetmonkey74 · 02/07/2023 19:45

Hi OP it's so scary. From personal experience do not let him alone with the kids and do not have him home until support is there. He is unsafe. This feels deeply disloyal but you have to remember that it's not him at the moment. It's his illness that makes him unsafe. It's impossible to manage Psychosis at home with children. If he absolutely has to move back in, you must move out even if you go Into debt to do so. I won't put my story on here as its not the place for scares but you must take it seriously

Gagaandgag · 02/07/2023 19:45

SatOnBeckysHill · 02/07/2023 18:31

@Aquamarine1029 yeah kick a man when he's down eh? He's ill. No fault of his own....mental illness

Would you say that to a man whose wife was suffering the same?

👏

nobodysdaughternow · 02/07/2023 19:46

I posted on here a few weeks ago op - I discovered dh was drinking vodka from a water bottle while sat next to me on the sofa every night. He was so discrete it took me nine fucking months to find out.

MN told he had to leave the home to protect our kids. He has never been violent or shouted.

It was the right advice.

He has now engaged with recovery services and AA and has stopped drinking totally.

If he starts up ever again, he will be out.

I surprised myself really. I thought I'd hate him going but nothing is as bad as spending time with an alcoholic, even someone as gentle as my dh.

dawngreen · 02/07/2023 19:47

Sick of hearing its just recreation drugs, it sounds like a excuse for them. The thing is most times its not just a bit of weed. They are paranoid and they move on to stronger drugs. You cannot reason with ppl with a habit. They always are in drama, and they always have a tale of its some one else causing drama not them.