DD12 - being scammed by friend?

[Doopersuper]

Hey, a bit of a wwyd!…and sorry, tried not to be too long but don’t want to drip feed! DD12 swims 4-5 times a week with a swim club. She & a friend have a locker that they share (we rent it on a yearly basis) so that we don’t have to worry about trailing kit around. In the locker they have their own stuff that they keep separately and a basket/bag of kit they don’t mind sharing. Friend was off for a week and in this time DD12 used a shampoo that was in the shared bag. It was in a supermarket own brand bottle. When friend returned they (and their parent) went nuts because DD had ‘stolen’ their expensive shampoo….apparently it’s a ‘designer’ brand that they had decanted into the own brand bottle and they deny leaving it in the shared section and claim dd took it on purpose (worth noting here it would not have served her hair type well in any way!). We have already stood our ground (it was ugly😬) and thought it had gone away but they’ve started demanding a replacement again after today’s training session. They want DD to give them £30!! Part of me thinks we should just give them the cash and never have dealings with them again but the other part of me is questioning what example that sets for DD - just acquiesce every time you’re accused of something wrongly?! It’s all bloody daft but has become very unpleasant which is very sad. Actually, don’t tell me what to do, just persuade me that this sort of bonkersness is rare!!

I would say send me the name of the shampoo and we will buy it ourselves to replace. Anything else is not acceptable. Once they do that, then I would buy it and send them the portion your dd used. They cannot expect more.

I use Aveda shampoo (£25 for a 250ml bottle). And I do decant it into different-branded travel-sized bottles for the gym (more environmentally friendly and cheaper than buying lots of travel-sized ones.

But I am totally happy for other people to use it! DS shares mine, he is 6 and definitely doesn’t need to use Aveda, but it is easier than having three different bottles of shampoo on the go. If I couldn’t afford to lose even one squirt of shampoo, I’d use something cheaper.

Actually I assumed the other girl was covering her back so she didn’t get into trouble, but it could equally be the ops daughter covering her back so as not to get into trouble! Was it really in the shared basket. Could dd have gone into the other girls basket as has been accused?

I wouldn't replace it or give them anything. If it was precious or expensive it shouldn't have been in the shared box/bag. It's their child's responsibility to put her stuff away in the appropriate section.

Everytimev they bring it up I'd tell them it was in the shared area and you won't be replacing it. If the call DC a thief remind them you can't steal something that was shared.

They are being ridiculous. They have ruined a perfectly nice friendship over a few quids worth of shampoo. After all even if it was £30 a bottle DC must have only used a little bit.

I would probably say as she only used it once you would pay a proportionate amount, say £5. Hand it over then leave her on unread. How many little favours and expenses do friends do for friends? In my experience- lots. It’s give and take and this is tight fisted, rude behaviour.

A lot of posters are saying your DD only used two squirts, or a couple of teaspoons or whatever but as the other girl was away for a week and your DD swims 4-5 times a week, she might have ended up using quite a bit if she used it every day.
However, they are absolutely batshit crazy. The expensive shampoo shouldn't have been in the shared bag. It was in a supermarket shampoo bottle so looked like it was inexpensive. If you're that precious about your expensive shampoo being used don't send it in to swimming with your kid. They are fucking nuts to demand 30 quid for it and go around telling everyone your daughter is a thief.

I would absolutely NOT be giving them a single penny. I'd explain to a few people at the club what happened. I'd ignore every single message and comment from the woman. If she keeps on telling people your daughter is a thief I'd tell her she stops that immediately or I'd be contacting the police about it.

Anyone saying they would pay ANY AMOUNT for one squirt of shampoo from a shared basket in a shared locker has "mug" stamped across their forehead.

Why would anybody pay £30 for what is essentially a bottle of soap?

They sound horrendous so do not engage or pay for the shampoo - it will be taken as confirmation they are right. Be polite, firm no - don't rise to anything, don't respond, don't get into it. Ultimately it's so obvious they are blindingly unreasonable that everyone will see it too, particularly if they get more angry and you are calm and reasonable.

In order to settle it for you DD I'd do as others suggested, buy a bottle and decant a small amount. Do it in front of witnesses, ideally the coach, as the coach needs to be involved as this is becoming a bullying issue.

They sound insane. If you don't replace it, they will be able to go on and on about it (to be honest they may anyway but more difficult if you replace what your DD used).

In my experience, 12 year old girls put a slant on a story, which makes them look good and omit anything, which makes them look bad, especially if they can get out of being told off. It isn’t to be vindictive, rather puberty kicking in.

My dd had a lot of friendship issues at this age. The girls seemed to have endless stupid fights over nothing, which were often forgotten simply because they were were unable to empathise or see the others’ pov.

The mum wading in is ridiculous. We had something happen between dd and a friend, where the mum also waded in, not seeing or respecting my dd’s perspective and what she’d put up with from this girl, who I suspect was suffering from some mental health issues. Some time later the girl apologised to my dd but the situation was so severe and so badly handled by the mother that the friendship was over. The mother went completely scorched earth rather like this situation.

I also suspect the girl made a mistake and is blaming your dd. You’ve offered to pay for what your dd used. Nothing more you can do beyond ensuring your dd isn’t bullied at swimming.

@Mummyoflittledragon makes sense. I bet the mum in your case was mortified afterwards, but too late.

I honestly wouldn't pay them a penny and tell them to call the police if they're that bothered. It won't be the last batshit stunt they pull and I wouldn't want to start entertaining the idea they have a leg to stand on. They're the ones making themselves look ridiculous.

They sound utterly bonkers.
I’d really not tolerate them calling dd a thief. I’d make it clear to everyone it was shared locker situation and they happily shared shampoo until now. It was a bottle of herbal essence etc.
I wouldn’t buy designer shampoo. How do you know what was in bottle.
I’d replace bottle that was there so £2 or whatever and not speak to them or their dc ever again.

I'd just say to them X obviously put the shampoo in the wrong place when she did her hair my child then used it and returned it to where she found it....here is a one wash replacement.....we will no longer share lockers. I've discussed the issue with....swim club...the matter is over and need not be mentioned again....

I was wondering this. 1 week x 2 dollops a day could be a full small bottle that she used.

@aperolspritzbasicbitch apologies, my post should have said "for a 12 year old". I noticed after posting but couldn't be arsed to add to a later comment. And I stand by it. A kid wants the name, not the quality. That's why Prime is a thing. It tastes like a simple diluting juice.

I would replace it like for like. If it’s cash they wanted they will be disappointed.

I know it’s unfair to lose the money, but I agree with pps that it will stop them harassing you both at the club. If the harassment continues you will have to go back to the club and insist it’s dealt with. That doesn’t mean they have to get involved in the minutiae of the shampoo, and who was right, but they will have strong anti bullying policies on someone being called a thief to everyone.

There is no way on the planet I would pay them a single penny. They are ridiculous. Tell them to take you to the small claims court for it! Knobs.

@Doopersuper What brand was it and how many sessions did your daughter use it? Could she have finished a bottle? Is it possible?

In case you're unfamiliar with the Arkell vs Pressdram case levelled against Private Eye, here it is. Not anything to do with shampoo but it is a response to a preposterous allegation.

"Arkell v. Pressdram is an otherwise obscure libel action initiated against the British satirical magazine Private Eye. The substance of the alleged libel was that Arkell was accepting bribes. What made the action famous, and a point of reference years later, was the following exchange of letters:

Solicitor (Goodman Derrick & Co.)

We act for Mr Arkell who is Retail Credit Manager of Granada TV Rental Ltd. His attention has been drawn to an article appearing in the issue of Private Eye dated 9th April 1971 on page 4. The statements made about Mr Arkell are entirely untrue and clearly highly defamatory. We are therefore instructed to require from you immediately your proposals for dealing with the matter. Mr Arkell's first concern is that there should be a full retraction at the earliest possible date in Private Eye and he will also want his costs paid. His attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of your reply.

Private Eye

We acknowledge your letter of 29th April referring to Mr J. Arkell. We note that Mr Arkell's attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: f*ck off."

If they're expecting the money for a whole bottle, that obviously means that the rest of the shampoo in the original bottle is yours as well. If you were going to entertain them, I'd tell them that they need to give that to you; then you'd be able to see what was in there and it would probably be obvious whether it was posh expensive stuff or ordinary supermarket stuff.

They would have no reasonable justification whatsoever in refusing to give you the rest of what they've asked you to pay for, so if they do object, egg and their faces are manifestly in alignment.

What nasty people those parents are and what a terrible example they are setting their daughter. Give them a quid and block them every way you can. Weirdos.

By a posh bottle of the stuff, decant it into another bottle, and fill the posh bottle with supermarket stuff.

Then make a big show of handing over the posh bottle, I bet they can't tell the difference anyway!

Then come back and tell us if you really think the posh shampoo is worth the ££

So they can spend £30 for their child's shampoo but can't afford a locker for her??? I'd write an invoice for the shampoo and deduct the cost of the locker for however long she has been using it for. What shampoo costs £30 and who decants shampoo into another bottle?