DD12 - being scammed by friend?

[Doopersuper]

Hey, a bit of a wwyd!…and sorry, tried not to be too long but don’t want to drip feed! DD12 swims 4-5 times a week with a swim club. She & a friend have a locker that they share (we rent it on a yearly basis) so that we don’t have to worry about trailing kit around. In the locker they have their own stuff that they keep separately and a basket/bag of kit they don’t mind sharing. Friend was off for a week and in this time DD12 used a shampoo that was in the shared bag. It was in a supermarket own brand bottle. When friend returned they (and their parent) went nuts because DD had ‘stolen’ their expensive shampoo….apparently it’s a ‘designer’ brand that they had decanted into the own brand bottle and they deny leaving it in the shared section and claim dd took it on purpose (worth noting here it would not have served her hair type well in any way!). We have already stood our ground (it was ugly😬) and thought it had gone away but they’ve started demanding a replacement again after today’s training session. They want DD to give them £30!! Part of me thinks we should just give them the cash and never have dealings with them again but the other part of me is questioning what example that sets for DD - just acquiesce every time you’re accused of something wrongly?! It’s all bloody daft but has become very unpleasant which is very sad. Actually, don’t tell me what to do, just persuade me that this sort of bonkersness is rare!!

Oh I was agreeing with you too

This.

It is so important when you are dealing with people like this that you have witnesses and that you get things down in writing. So, if you can, text them about the £30 shampoo and what they have demanded of you. Never trust that people like this won’t take things further and you need documented proof of everything you do and say in case they escalate things or traduce you in public and try to stitch you up.

I actually understand the decanting - I sometimes buy Phillip Kingsley shampoo/conditioner which costs ££££ and comes in huge 1lt bottles. I have often decanted it into smaller bottles for travel/gym use so that seems reasonable to me.

That being said I wouldn't begrudge anyone a couple of squirts of it if they had forgotten their own and one certainly not someone I had a locker sharing agreement with.

Give them £2 in an envelope to cover what your DD used. Hand it over very publicly explaining what it is and then ignore them. Well done on ending the locker arrangements.

I'd buy a bottle of the posh shampoo, decant 90% for your own use and give them the bottle with 10% left which should definitely cover what your daughter used. I would totally refuse to hand over cash on principle since that's clearly the object of their shabby little scam.

Omg who decants expensive shampoo into a cheaper bottle. No way on earth would i give them £30 plus they sound to crazy and OTT

They sound totally unhinged! I would just send them a fiver and block from then on!

That "thief" stuff is appalling! That is actually slanderous - and if they are that sort of people, it won't go away even if you bought them a new bottle of 30 quid (yeah, right) shampoo and presented it to them on a sliver salver. In fact, this would be used as an admission of guilt.

My heart aches for you DD. Frankly, I can't imagine why the other irl either asked, or told her mother. It would never even occur to most kids to mention it at all.

This must be causing a horrible atmosphere in the swimming class. I wish I could suggest some way of dealing with it, but short of legal action (on the slander thing), which I wouldn't recommend because it honestly wouldn't be worth the cost, I wouldn't know what to do.

Your daughter could very loudly state that she has offered to pay for the 2 tsps of shampoo she used, and only an idiot would expect an ENTIRE BOTTLE in replacement.

They are grifters.

Did they name the shampoo? Did they ask for cash? Just curious.

And who on earth sends a child to a public pool with expensive shampoo and lets them leave it there?

Ask for the brand name, ask for the cheap bottle it was in and replace to that level- then they are in the exact position they were before Your DD touched it - tell them they are profiteering otherwise - then don’t share a locker

I don't think their child stole the shampoo. Maybe she was told by her parents to keep it in her personal bag, not in the share basket and she forgot.

But why on earth would she tell her friends dd used it? Even at 12 I wouldn't have wanted my friend to look bad in front of my parents.

I'm betting it was Bumble and Bumble which is £24.50 a bottle

Either that or it was supermarket own brand from the start and this girl is swindling you in order to buy herself the Bumble.

Tell her to do one, take you to small claims court, call the police! The audacity!

Damn right!

Does no-one on here have an empty bottle of that stuff they could send to OP?

She could the decant the cheapest supermarket equivalent into it and publicly hand it to them.

I think it was the latter. I saw Salon Selectives on offer for £1 a bottle.

I wonder if the friend has had to ask her mum for more shampoo and the mum has said something along the lines of "you should have one use left" or something and then instead of admitting she accidentally left it in the share basket she has said your DD had gone behind her back and used it. Possibly scared of her mum so had to pass the blame onto your DD, I can't see any other reason to cause damage to the friendship.

And if I was the other parent I would let it go, I mean who really would be chasing you down for a full bottle of shampoo after a child used a small dollop to wash hair?!

Bizarre!

Buy a small bottle of the designer shampoo, then do as the poster @BlackAmericanoNoSugar suggests - hand it over infront of someone and then warn others.

Them accusing your daughter of theft is slander. Point this out to them in writing and 'cc the club.

I would ask her what brand the shampoo is so you can see what shampoo she uses that costs £30 in the first place as this may be a lie and then if this did happen to be true, I would then see if they did a travel size in it, but if not, I would buy the full size and put what you think would of been used by your child in a see through bottle and give her that and quite loudly say there is the shampoo amount that my daughter used and show her the full size branded bottle so she knows you have given her the expensive shampoo back the amount that was used. How childish and absolutely ridiculous.

I wonder if the friend has had to ask her mum for more shampoo and the mum has said something along the lines of "you should have one use left"

Do people really monitor and control the levels in their shampoo bottles that way - like they're measures of brandy in the pub? Maybe they do if it's made of unicorn tears, moon-rays and Kim Kardashian's snot?!

They are nuts! So your dd used some of their shampoo. Their dd left it in the shared basket. Most normal parents would be saying:
'DD just don't use any shared shampoo at all now, just in case.'
and
'bloody hell dd, I told you not to put it in the shared basket - be more careful next time or you'll have to just take normal stuff'
And that would be that.

I'd buy them a bottle of the supermarket shampoo it was decanted into and give them that and say - this is what DD used from the shared basket, but heres a whole bottle of it as you've demanded. And stop bullying my child into paying you £30 for using something YOUR daughter left in a shared basket and on top of that was apparently hidden inside something they would normally share.

Completely ignore the demand for the expensive brand. She wants it replaced - you only replace what it was dd thought she was using.

If she carries on I would outright call her a liar and that she should be ashamed at trying to scam a 12 year old girl out of £30 for using a blob of supermarket shampoo.

How did they even know she'd used any?? Does everyone else use loads more shampoo than I do?

I don’t think the girl having £30 shampoo is weird personally. If she Swims a lot the chemicals can be very damaging so I can fully imagine her trying expensive shampoo to combat that, and decanting it so she has some for the pool and some for home.

The rest though is bonkers, I personally love the suggesting of putting two dollops in a sandwich bag and handing it over😂

I use milkshakes purple shampoo!! It’s lasted me 4 years though 😆

But your daughter didn’t use a whole bottle… so why would they want a whole bottle replaced? That is very suspicious, and makes me think even more that it is not what they claim it to be.
For that alone they are CF

That is very good advice…
Buy a bottle of the supermarket shampoo and put it in the shared basket.
And tell the coach that they are bullying your daughter…

They sound completely bonkers!

The shampoos I buy is on the more expensive scale but it is kept in the bathroom for anyone, including occasional guests, to use. I can't imagine getting het up over shampoo! She sounds nuts. Give her nothing and refuse to engage with her.