DD12 - being scammed by friend?

[Doopersuper]

Hey, a bit of a wwyd!…and sorry, tried not to be too long but don’t want to drip feed! DD12 swims 4-5 times a week with a swim club. She & a friend have a locker that they share (we rent it on a yearly basis) so that we don’t have to worry about trailing kit around. In the locker they have their own stuff that they keep separately and a basket/bag of kit they don’t mind sharing. Friend was off for a week and in this time DD12 used a shampoo that was in the shared bag. It was in a supermarket own brand bottle. When friend returned they (and their parent) went nuts because DD had ‘stolen’ their expensive shampoo….apparently it’s a ‘designer’ brand that they had decanted into the own brand bottle and they deny leaving it in the shared section and claim dd took it on purpose (worth noting here it would not have served her hair type well in any way!). We have already stood our ground (it was ugly😬) and thought it had gone away but they’ve started demanding a replacement again after today’s training session. They want DD to give them £30!! Part of me thinks we should just give them the cash and never have dealings with them again but the other part of me is questioning what example that sets for DD - just acquiesce every time you’re accused of something wrongly?! It’s all bloody daft but has become very unpleasant which is very sad. Actually, don’t tell me what to do, just persuade me that this sort of bonkersness is rare!!

It was in the shared stuff bag, their child needs to take better care of their things-and the parents should label their child’s belongings.

If the supervising adult doesn’t want to get involved and tell this family to wind it in and stop targeting your child I’d strongly consider changing clubs

I’d pay them. If you can afford it and it means that much to them, well good luck to them. You can just be happy in the fact you will never behave like that and will never have to speak to them again.

Just refuse to engage and tell them that you’re not going to do anything about this, that the bottle was in shared and of that was by mistake, it’s no problem of yours.

fyi, my swimming shampoo is Paul Mitchell 3 and it costs £30+ per litre but it’s the best post swim shampoo, pretty much anything else won’t strip the chlorine

you’ve ended the locker share, the swim coaches are aware, that’s enough drama so back off and leave them to their crazy.

don’t you dare reimburse them! Tell them to fuck off if they raise this subject again.

I think I'd send them an itemised invoice for all the items that your daughter has shared with CF's and then tell them that you're quits!

No way would the amount of shampoo used be worth £30! If it was that valuable then why put it in the locker. Plus you’d make damn sure it wasn’t anywhere near the shared area. I’d personally never speak to them again. Even if it was expensive shampoo, which I very much doubt, then I’d be too embarrassed to ask for the money and put it down to my own fault that it was in the shared area. Plus if they are well enough to buy £30 shampoo then they’re well enough to lose the money. I mean, that’s a luxury. Losing yours and your daughter’s friendship will make them realise how pathetic they’ve been.

No more shared bag would be what I would be saying if they are like this.

This is ridiculous, OP, and you have a choice of several reasonable reactions. A cash payment is not one of them.

At most you might want to consider repaying some amount of the luxury shampoo. If they can even name it. (And to PPs doubting the existence of shampoos at this price point, there are plenty. They are cheaper bought by the litre so the bit about decanting the shampoo into an old bottle isn’t necessarily far fetched, much as I hate to say it.)

I would just figure out how much shampoo DD is likely to have used, because habits vary, and replace that much. I’d use up the rest of the smallest bottle I could buy myself.

PS. I think the other girl wasn’t meant to put the special shampoo in the sharing basket and that is the source of the trouble, whether she is lying to her mum or her mum is protecting her by coming after your DD.

This!!

Hell would freeze over before I give them the money.

What did dd have that was a shared item in the basket? Just say you had decanted an expensive item into that worth £30, and as the 'friend' used it, she owes DD £30 too.

If they were demanding money with menaces maybe, but otherwise utterly a civil matter.Utterly bonkers response !

I’ve offered to pay for what was used - they said that wasn’t good enough and they want a whole bottle!

you've offered to put things right - they've refused, so next time its mentioned

The matter is closed as you refused my offer of payment for the shampoo used.

bonkers

Sounds like they had the 'sneaky idea' to decant the shampoo into a cheap bottle, thinking nobody would know it was cheap shampoo and therefore nobody would use it (- thinking themselves to be the cleverest people ever for doing this) meaning the child got sloppy about where she put it as she assumed nobody would use 'cheap crap'. Then when it became apparent that DD had (innocently) used it, they threw a tantrum & overreacted because their 'sneaky little plan' failed. It's themselves they're angry with

But if op pays them then surely she's confirming her daughter is a thief? I wouldn't want to do that to my child.

And they could have just asked their DD to ensure the shampoo wasn't kept in the share basket.

But if op pays them then surely she's confirming her daughter is a thief? I wouldn't want to do that to my child - Well exactly! Not a chance!

@Yeahyeahno Are you seriously suggesting OP takes part in labelling her own DD a thief?????

What's their justification for that?

@Lacucuracha Oh I completely agree. Believe me, I'm absolutely NOT defending the CF's!

This reminds me of when I was about 10 and a school ‘friend’ leant me her cartridge pen and another boy bashed the top of the pen and bent the nib. Her parents made my mum pay them £10 for the pen (that was hefty amount back then) and when I went to whSmiths the pen was only £1.
the gut wrenching part was they were very wealthy, and we were extremely poor. That £10 was worth 3 days food for our family and we ended up with beans for dinner for the week and a very tearful anxious mum.
never liked the b*tch since then.
don’t pay up. They shouldn’t have decanted it and left it in the locker for the week.

As my Lancashire granny would say
"There's nowt as queer as folk"

I'd be trying to get to the bottom of the whole story. Your daughter may be 100 percent telling the truth.

What does it matter? It's just some bloody shampoo, not family heirloom jewelry gone missing.

It makes 0 sense why your daughter would use shampoo she didnt own

Maybe she forgot her own that day. Who begrudges a friend a dollop of shampoo?

Tell them you will not be entering into any further discussions and have nothing more to do with these people.

Buy them a replacement bottle …if you’ve got £30 to spare.
Then decant all but the one wash worth that your dd used into your own container for your own use.
And give them the replacement branded bottle with the one wash in it.

or

Ignore their rantings and keep away from their idiocy.

This one is £29.99

But you get a whole litre for it - it doesn't cost £30 for one dollop!

I understand people decanting into small/travel-sized plain bottles for convenience, but why would you go to the faff of transferring it into a completely different branded bottle, that may not even be any smaller anyway?

I'm looking on the bright side, though: if anybody prangs my car in future, it's good to know that I can claim back from their insurer the full cost of a brand new Maserati and not the market value of the elderly VW that I've 'disguised' it as!

My guess is that their child 'stole' the shampoo, decanted into the bottle, and they are annoyed at their child, but found a way to deflect attention and make it about your child. My dd does shit like this all the time - expensive stuff that I find decanted into random bottles hidden under her bed. Yes, it's irritating. But my guess this is about some weird dynamic in their family and not at all about your dd. I'd offer 50p for the amount used.