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What's the weirdest rumour you've heard about yourself?

182 replies

Duckafuk · 21/06/2023 07:51

I'll start, I have just heard that I'm a gold digger who seduced a well off older man ( possibly a widow) so I could live off him 😳
In reality I've been with this poor victim 34 years, have 2 adult kids and yes while we are comfortably off that's because we both worked bloody hard and now that DH is retired I still work PT.
I heard this from the friend of a woman who has set her cap at DH.

I find this both hilarious and batshit and firmly set the record straight.

Anyone else heard a crazy rumour about themselves?

OP posts:
Damnedidont · 21/06/2023 15:33

I was a member of the IRA and involved in terrorist attacks! This was based my surname clearly I was related to these people. I'm married so my surname is my husband's not mine. The headmaster of the school I was working at called me into the office to challenge me. He is now in a mental hospital

Hadalifeonce · 21/06/2023 15:36

I went to a trade event with my dad, he never really introduced me to people, not quite sure why, but I was included in conversations.
A while afterwards if anyone phoned to speak to my dad about work, they were very nice to my mum, asking her how she was etc. my mum thought all the extra attention was lovely.
Turns out they thought I was my dad's bit on the side and felt sorry for my mum.

IwishIcouldButIcantSoIwont · 21/06/2023 15:36

justanothermanicmonday1 · 21/06/2023 08:13

That I was performing oral sex acts behind a pub I was rarely ever in 🤣🤣🤣 and it was NOT in my nature lol.

😂😂There was a similar rumour about a woman round my way, started by some bored teenage boys who had fallen out with her son - she earned the name blow-job Betty 😂

CurlyTandtheTangles · 21/06/2023 15:40

I'm having an affair with a man whom I do work training courses with, according to a fellow colleague.
I don't give a fuck. The person whom I'm having an affair with is actually a gorgeous human being and he's gay but very private about his life. My "man" often waits for me at lunch or after training sessions for a coffee/wine. This causes the gossipy colleague to practically explode.

Was irritating at first now it's amusing. I feel honoured the gossipy colleague puts me in his league!

Imissingrid · 21/06/2023 15:46

Quite tame but weird.
As a child on a school residential trip I got told off by teachers from another school for sleep walking. Throughout the stay I got asked about my “sleepwalking” Wasn’t me, but a girl from their own school with same first name. All girls in my dorm confirmed no one left our room in the night.
As a 16 year old started a holiday job, nice lad son of local farmer wanted to ask me out. Other girls told him I wouldn’t be able to go as I had a child. Everyone in workplace then continued to ask me about my ( very much imaginary) child.

CreationNat1on · 21/06/2023 15:50

I have alzheimers.

I m some kind of mastermind control freak, and I ve preplanned my life to such an extent I got my kids into one of the best public schools in the country and was some kind of visionary about where to buy a house etc. I live where I grew up and my kids go to the local school.

Brokendaughter · 21/06/2023 15:52

That when I was 15-16 years old I started working as a prostitute based out of the local pub.

I had never even kissed a boy at the time & was in an all girls convent boarding school so not home much.

My mother started & spread this rumour amongst my very large family.
She has problems.

I was always one of those quiet, academic girls who never caused any trouble, it isn't like I was a wild child.

The pub in question was out in the middle of nowhere & has long since closed.
It was in a place where they don't even have pavements or street lights.
If you'd stood outside it for too long, they'd have been out like a shot begging you to take a job as a barmaid & generally in the evening you'd be lucky to see a car an hour so it wasn't exactly a den of iniquity.

It's not even the worst thing she has made up about me.

The weird thing to me is that all these people completely believed this & shunned me (we lived hundreds of miles away, most I only saw once a year if that often).
That shunning due to me apparently being a prostitute is still in force to this day over 30 years later.

Theunamedcat · 21/06/2023 15:55

That I have four children by five different fathers (I have three by two one by my ex two by my (now) ex husband) then she said I was a paedophile because apparently one of the dads was underage I was baby crazy and raped him, he was 19 when we met (I was 22 nearly 23) HE lied about his age saying he was older he also poked holes in the condom which is how I got pregnant

I was fuming when I found out this was the rumours my exes (now) wife was spreading about me she even messaged our teen DD saying she knew "all mums skellingtons" and would out me for who I really was and that she would welcome her with open arms when she "wanted to come home to her real family" DD asked if she was on drugs her response was "I see your mother has taught you to be oppressed and prejudiced" dd has never contacted them she is now an adult not even living with me and still wants nothing to do with them

CreationNat1on · 21/06/2023 16:03

I had cancer....... Nasty

Mygrandadwasmywingman · 21/06/2023 17:14

Years ago ds4 was really ill

He was that bad,it was a 'dump everything and get him to hospital'

I had to plead with friends to have his siblings (my family where useless) and I spent the next fortnight rushing to be at the hospital or to be with the others-I didn't go home for a fortnight as the kids stayed with my mates at their houses for ease-not ideal but it's all I could scrape together

Of course,I wasn't there for the school run,but my friends did it all between them

As I hadn't been seen at drop off or kicking out time,a nasty rumour started (by my nightmare neighbour-fueled my my narcissistic mother who told everyone this was true) that they'd been taken into care by ss

The neighbour convinced everyone that she'd seen the police come to my home,arrest me,and a woman herded my children out-utter bollocks

It took my friends,fighting back and confronting these nasty bullies and shaming them in front of everyone

these bitches thought it was 'funny' and that my friends where 'lying' until he came home and I walked up the road,doing the school run

The official line was 'She got them back'

Unicorntastic · 21/06/2023 17:18

That i was having an affair with the postman all because we passed the time if day at the door. I wasn't and hed never even been in my house.

InceyWinceySpidy · 21/06/2023 17:29

I worked in a bar once, and a customer who liked to lord about and the other barmaids fawned over, didn't impress me at all. He was loud and brash and would announce "bottle of champagne" thinking it made him look affluent...he'd only do this if he had an audience. I avoided him in general.

I learned from the other girls he would ask personal questions about me. He found out my address and did searches on my property. At the time I had an X6 car, nice but several years old, and I'd saved hard to buy it.

He came bursting in one day, waving paperwork that I never did get to see, shouting "look she doesn't even own her own car, it's on finance!!"

I was bemused, told him, I did own my car and that even if I had used finance, there was no shame in that, so I didn't see what his point was. He got livid at this and started ranting. I told him that it was not normal to obsess over a stranger's finances and to sit down, or leave and he plonked himself down in a corner, furious.

He got progressively more drunk and later, a random man made a comment to him about "had a bad day mate?" so he took a massive swing at random man. Random man ducked, punched him, split his lip and he fell over and knocked himself out on a barstool on the way down.

He came round and sat like a sheepish little boy, I was sickly nice to him, offered him an ice pack for his lip, and he couldn't say a thing, although you could see he was furious that other people were looking at me like I was a much bigger person for helping him. Inside I was dying of laughter. He knew that.

He never came back.

HelpMeGetThrough · 21/06/2023 17:29

I worked in a school for a bit in the early 90s, I was shacked up with the Head of Design Technology apparently.

I wasn't. We just used to go out and get pissed regularly.

45387pob · 21/06/2023 17:57

Rather disturbing that so many of these rumours were started by the poster's own mother!

Outdamnspot23 · 21/06/2023 17:58

That I couldn't come to various events as I was too busy having sex with Lars. Lars was a fellow student I barely knew, had never had a one-to-one conversation with, and might well have been gay.

An amazing number of people including close friends believed this rumour and I only found out years later when one of the the party hosts was reminiscing about how I wasn't there since I was "otherwise engaged".

GarlicGrace · 21/06/2023 18:30

That I was having an affair with a married man. The married man was my own husband.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 21/06/2023 18:39

I’m evil as well as mad.

TellySavalashairbrush · 21/06/2023 18:41

That I was highly religious and the person was wary of swearing in the office so as not to offend me. I am an atheist and swear like a trouper 😂

SpikyHatePotato · 21/06/2023 18:46

Not nearly so exciting as all of these alleged extra-marital affairs, but apparently I had a minor role in the film Grease 2. It was such an oddly specific rumour - no idea how it got started but it went round my work project team in 30 seconds flat. I was very miffed, and pointed out that I would have had to be at least 20 years older than I am!

PinkSkiesAtNight · 21/06/2023 18:53

That I've become a lesbian.

Ex got married fairly quickly after we divorced. He is calling new wife 'Second Mummy', as she loves DS as much as he does, obviously. DS has said at school that he has got two mummies and it got back to some of the parents, who assumed that it was me with a new female partner.

Ex' wife is due her first any day now. She'll soon realise she doesn't love my DS as much as his dad does. And she definitely isn't his second fucking mummy.

Jellykat · 21/06/2023 19:02

That i injected water into my bloodstream in the school toilets.

I was a loner at school, but that was because my mum had moved us from the centre of London to a shitty rural school in Gloucestershire, and i was a punk..
I didnt find out about the water until i had a relationship with a guy from the same school in my 30s, but surely i would've died if i injected water?

Human Biology lessons obviously had a shit teacher at that school!

mommybear1 · 21/06/2023 19:13

Forgive me I have not read the whole thread as yet but the wildest thing for me was being accused of shagging my now DH at a
Christmas works party in the toilets. It's well known among my team and fellow senior partners that I have never in over 20 years attended a work Christmas party. I am within the firm famous for it as the only Partner who outright refuses to attend. I'd like to say it was a case of mistaken identity but no it was just the bullies looking for another way to oust me 🙄

OneLittleFinger · 21/06/2023 22:00

That my uncle was the manager of Take That and I had arranged for a girl in my class (we were 11, or thereabouts) to meet the band.

I was told this by my housemistress at school, who had been rung by the mother of the aforementioned girl. Lass was from a very religious, conservative family and the mother was horrified. Except I'd barely spoken to this girl at all, my uncle was definitely not in the music business and I'd never said that he was to anyone. I'm not sure I really knew who Take That were!

It was very strange, but luckily my teacher believed me. No idea what the lass had been thinking.

Fraaahnces · 22/06/2023 04:48

I was cornered in the loos by two young women at my new job, who gave me an absolute pasting for flirting with X from Y Department. “Firstly, as if he’d be interested in YOU….., Secondly, he’s married, you know.” Once I’d stopped laughing, I asked if they thought it was just a coincidence that X and I had the same last name? One of them said “Oh, so you’re his sister? Tell me…. How are things going with his marriage? Things can’t be too rosy there. I’ve heard she’s really fat!” I said, “Well, I guess I was until the twins were born.” You could see it hit with glacial speed. (Btw, one of them had been asking my DH for his mobile number for months, but he kept telling her that she had no reason to use it.)

AprillaCourt · 22/06/2023 09:17

When I went to middle school aged 10 in the mid eighties everyone believed I had an older brother who had left the school that summer. They kept saying "oh you're so-and-so's sister." I kept setting everyone straight that I was an only child but people just kept telling me I looked so insanely like him that we had to be siblings 🤨 This went on for years. Staff as well as pupils would be asking me how my big brother was doing at high school. I never met the boy 🤷🏼‍♀️

My parents had me very young & we'd lived quite a distance away before moving to this new slightly weird backwater village so I think the chance of one of them having had another child at age 15 at the other end of the country who had then coincidentally moved there 4 years before us is pretty slim 😀

I wonder now if he spent years with people asking him about his random younger sister 🤔 Perhaps I should post the story on a local social media page & see if some chap who looks like a male 52 year old version of me rocks up & says he never heard the end of it about a sister he didn't have 😀

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