What's the weirdest rumour you've heard about yourself?

[Duckafuk]

I'll start, I have just heard that I'm a gold digger who seduced a well off older man ( possibly a widow) so I could live off him 😳
In reality I've been with this poor victim 34 years, have 2 adult kids and yes while we are comfortably off that's because we both worked bloody hard and now that DH is retired I still work PT.
I heard this from the friend of a woman who has set her cap at DH.

I find this both hilarious and batshit and firmly set the record straight.

Anyone else heard a crazy rumour about themselves?

That I was a drug dealer in High School- heard long afterwards that was my reputation. I never even tried alcohol or smoking, loathed all kinds of 'teenage' behaviour, and never went out. I guess I looked grumpy and withdrawn (family problems)

Ex boyfriends siblings were telling everyone that I beat him up. We were in lockdown and living in separate households

According to MN I’m both homophobic and a TRA 🤷‍♀️

A few years ago at work.

I'd be in the kitchen making a tea, or standing at the photocopier, and a female colleague would randomly ask me in hushed tones if I was okay and what I was going to do about "it".
I'd recently had a health scare and was having some tests done, which I'd told my boss about. He was a lovely man but a massive blabbermouth, so I assumed he had let it slip and people were being kind to me. Anyway, I'd tell them I'd seen a doctor and they were sure everything would be okay, thanks for asking.

Nope, the mad cleaner had found a pregnancy test in the bin in the toilet, assumed it was mine, and told all the women in the office that I was having a baby.

I had this too . I've only ever been with my husband . If I smiled , chatted or laughed with a man I was coming on to them. If I ignored them I thought I was better and up myself. I found out many years later that two colleagues were having an affair and they pedalled this shit as a smokescreen to deflect off them .

Two spring to mind

First one was someone I met in the student Union bar told me a tale that “a girl” had died in a fire at university. There has been a fire on my floor in halls at university. No one injured, we all evacuated and shivered in the rain. But that story morphed and turned into a huge blaze which killed a female student studying “x” and called “Chorley”. That would be me then!

Second one was when a colleague’s wife called me at my desk and accused me of having an affair with her husband. I was certainly NOT having an affair with him or anyone and it came as a total shock. I’d had some admiring vibes off him, I mostly ignored him. I felt really sorry for her though - she was pregnant with twins and she’d found a notebook where Male Colleague had written out a fantasy sex life with me as the main character and he’s bought me presents (a charm bracelet).

No my DH of 30 years is not a widower!
See, making up a story to suit what you think must have happened........

That I was secretly the daughter of a colleague. He was at most ten years older than me.

That I was a drug addict 🙄 I am clearly not or ever have been a drug addict.

That I left school in year 10 because I was pregnant. Also that the father was our PE teacher who had mo ed back to his home country a few weeks before.

In reality my mum moved us up the country so she could care for her Dad after her Mum died.

We moved back to our old house two years later and I went to the local college and it became clear that everyone including teachers from the previous school believed I left because of pregnancy. Some people refused to believe it was not true and that I must have just gotten the baby adopted.

This came up about ten years later when I started working at a new place and a man who had been in the year above me at school came over to say he thought he recognised me, I was that girl who had a baby with the PE teacher.
I told him it was just a silly rumour and he gave me a knowing look and said "of course yeah no, my mistake, that was someone else, of course". So weird.

Mine's really boring.

That I'm so good at gardening because I grew up on a farm. I'm not good at gardening, and didn't grow up on a farm.

That I had munchausens by proxy and my children were in danger 😞

Alleged by the HT, deputy head, SENCO, nursery manager and school nurse.

In reality my children all had multiple and complicated medical needs and SEN . We had a child protection investigation and thankfully an amazing SW who closed the case and told the school to apply for ehcps and stop making false allegations to avoid giving appropriate support

A. “Friend” told someone, my DH does everything at home, and I do nothing, really made me laugh, I was fit and healthy at the time. My DH is great but he certainly didn’t do everything at home.

Another one was that I was related to one of the regular customers in a shop I was working in and letting him get away with shoplifting. A colleague who started this rumour was caught stealing herself. A lot of these rumours are actually smokescreens and deflections.

Nothing as outrageous as many of these but it rankles still.

Three brothers shared a house in student times - total jock, drinking pit. Nice boys, but they wrecked it from top to bottom.

They had a leaving party and I was chatting to their mother who sympathetically told me that she held she didn’t hold it against me that my constant drunken throwing up had wrecked the carpets in both bathrooms, which she’d had to replace. The entire room did a synchronised head tilt and nodded in joint sympathy of her magnanimity towards my ‘behaviour’ which they had clearly been made aware of for sometime.

Probably fits the category of lie rather than rumour yet I still get ridiculously embarrassed when I bump into her.

That I wrote a letter to the Manchester Evening News describing Salford as dirty. I have never written a letter to the Manchester Evening News and I have never offered or even possessed an opinion on Salford's sanitary standards. The person who told me insisted though. It was definitely me apparently. And I had a right cob on about Salford being unclean.

I was off sick with a virus for a few days while I was a postgrad, and came back to discover that I'd apparently had a secret relationship with one of the other students, was pregnant, and had been off with severe morning sickness 🤔

That I had anorexia. Rumour started by a so-called friend - who was always on a diet she never stuck to - apparently because I’d declined biscuits with coffee at her house. (At the time - decades ago - I preferred a fag with coffee anyway.). Probably custard creams, which I really don’t like anyway. According to her, anyone turning down biscuits had to have something wrong with them.

I’d never been anorexic, just had a small appetite. At the time I was around 8.5 stone, 5’ 7”, certainly not painfully thin.

The rumour had been going around for months before I found out.

That I fell in a skip one day at the age of 18 and died!! Ppl were shocked to see me a few years later 😂

When we were overseas for a while, a friend asked someone, 'Do you know if the Whatwases are back in the country now?' 'Oh yes', came the reply, 'They're in prison.' (needless to say we weren't, but it turned out that a relatively close neighbour was being sought by Interpol). Dread to think how many people thought we were international criminals!

That I padlocked a boyfriend to a radiator and went out. The heating then came on and he got burned. This was reported to me as fact. Not one little bit of it happened.

Are you Boy George??

That dh wanted to leave me to live with his dm.
That I was overdosing a dying dh with painkillers.
That I was neglecting dh when he was dying.
That I kept dh apart from his sister and mother.

In reality;

Dh didn’t want to live with his dm when he was a kid 😂 let alone an adult.
I stuck to the doses set by palliative care.
I slept on the floor every night & cared for him on my own.
He didn’t want to see his dm or dsis, no one else does either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bonus round;
His dm disowned him 3 times after the terminal diagnosis, told him not to bother with chemo and withheld oxycodone.
His dm shouted right in his face when he was three weeks away from dying that coming to see him meant leaving his dad who was apparently unsafe to leave alone. Fil now right as rain 🤨to leave to go shopping.
His dsis didn’t give her end stage cancer cat painkillers when it was obviously in distress because she is a cunt.
His dsis claimed as a single parent for years when she wasn’t.

My partner doesn't do social media and doesn't feel the need to share his mobile number with everyone. So at one big warehouse he worked in they decided he must be in witness protection 😂

I'm a secondary teacher. A rumour started that I used to be a police officer. Took about 47 seconds to get round the whole school, was insane the number of times I got asked about it. I always replied that I wasn't allowed to say... Didn't do my reputation any harm at all!