What's the weirdest rumour you've heard about yourself?

[Duckafuk]

I'll start, I have just heard that I'm a gold digger who seduced a well off older man ( possibly a widow) so I could live off him 😳
In reality I've been with this poor victim 34 years, have 2 adult kids and yes while we are comfortably off that's because we both worked bloody hard and now that DH is retired I still work PT.
I heard this from the friend of a woman who has set her cap at DH.

I find this both hilarious and batshit and firmly set the record straight.

Anyone else heard a crazy rumour about themselves?

That the scar on my lip was from where a crack pile exploded in my face - it’s actually where I had surgery to correct my cleft lip.

The day after my wedding, we went for a walk with the family and had a pub dinner afterwards, so it was ages before my husband got me alone again to say that he "Didn't know about me and Sam".

I was confused. The only Sam was my friend's new fiance, and I didn't think there was anything to know about us. We went to the same school and that was about it.

Turns out when he was circulating, another female friend told him that Sam had fingered me at a party when we were teens, just before he did the speeches.

My husband was just amused, then confused when I said that Sam and I didn't even go to the same parties, very different cliques! And the friend who told him that had had a big falling out with Sam's fiancée.

So I don't know if she was joking, or trying to get at the other friend, or it was an actual rumour (I keep forgetting or she has her kids with her when I visit, and I want to see her face!).

Sam's fiancée would have absolutely made a wedding-ruining scene if she had heard though.

That I’d been married 3 times before (this was from my now DH sister) who we have no contact with. She’d told their whole family before I’d met any of them that I’d marry men then leave them and take all their money and her brother (my DH) was the next on my list.
I’d been married once. For 10 years and my ExDH didn’t have a penny to his name.

Stupid woman.

That;

a) I have MH issues, and am “whacked up on meds”.

My SIL tells everyone this. About 25 years ago, I got stressed out when I had tests for MS and she’s been saying this to people about me.

b) That I am “foreign”, and have 4 adult sons who all have cars and drive them at speed through our village.

At the time my 2 DC were 5 and 8, and I am not “forin”

At am old workplace there was a rumour I had a boyfriend who was 20 years older than me... Someone saw me out to dinner with my dad 😂

After my partner died, a rumour went around that I lost her ashes en route from Singapore to Istanbul.

That I had taken a coworker's retainer.
Yes, that pink and wire thing you put in your mouth to help keep your teeth aligned. It wasn't a rumour 'going about', but someone else let me know she was telling a few others* this. I was actually more upset than baffled, as she was really nice to my face... and also must have thought I was that desperate to have straighter teeth I'd use someone else's retainer..?

*Thankfully they all told her she was nuts.

I am cackling at people thinking they know people's lives better than them and actually arguing with them about it! WTF is wrong with people?

Mine:

1. That I hung out in graveyards and was a goth just because I wear black a lot (I dont even wear it that much and have never been a goth or dressed like one)
2. That I was leaving my entire life behind and moving to Spain (I once went on holiday there, never once thought about moving)
3. That I was having affairs with people (that I had only ever spoken to once, briefly)
4. That I was having orgies with all my friends (I have several male friends and never once fancied any of them)

I agree with PP that I cannot fathom how these people have the time/energy to spend making up wild ridiculous stories about other people and I also agree its often fuelled by jealousy.

I had apparently attempted suicide in a festival portaloo.

When I was at school, that we had a golf course in the back garden ⛳️

In reality it was a single golf green that was my golf mad Dads pride and joy.

I grew up in SA and we had an average sized garden at the time (but large by UK standards). Many of my friends had bigger gardens than ours. But even in high school kids insisted that we had a full golf course back there 🤷🏻‍♀️

That I was spy, not sure who for, maybe the Australian government who Sent me first to spy on the English then the Dutch and now the Germans. Not what you need when you are applying for permanant Residence Status of the country you a living in.

@Sweetladyjane and @PurpleChrayne WTF is wrong with some people ?!

@Midnightslikethis my DH is 20 years older than me, we met when I was in my early 20's , at work. Actually there wasn't any gossip at the time - I certainly didn't expect to be painted as a scarlet woman 30 + years later 😂

That I had sex in the school toilets- people went to get the deputy head an all sorts 🤦‍♀️

When I was at school the rumour was that I was at a party, laid naked on the sofa, covered in Whipped Cream!

When I was about 16, I was friends with a girl I had known since primary school. I’m not sure why it started, but she started being quite nasty to me. It started off as little digs about my appearance, then my laugh, then she decided to start a rumour that I was really a man(?!)

On a night out a couple of weeks later, a couple of older guys who she knew wanted to see if this was true and one of them groped me. I just swatted his hand away & tried to laugh it off but it was horrible.

I found out from another lad in my year that she had started the rumour.
Needless to say, we stopped being friends after this. We were leaving school anyway so I didn’t have to see her, I stopped answering her calls & basically ignored her. I don’t think I ever saw her again after that.

That I was having some sort of affair/relationship with a married colleague, whose wife was also a colleague.

In reality I had hardly ever even spoken to him. We’d maybe exchanged 10 polite words in total.

It was very odd.

I've been pregnant non stop since I was 14 (I'm know 45)
I was having twins (one came out)
I'm a sex worker (for some reason,it's always 'unpaid'
My partner is my pimp
I give my (darling) fil blow jobs just so he liked me (we adored each other-no sex acts needed)
I have a split personality
I'm a drug dealer
I belong in Broadmoor
I get arrested every night due to having a personality disorder (never been arrested)
I steal
I lie all the time
I'm violent
I nc with my own children (no true)
I'm I'm whore that will shag anything-male,female,children,animals-anything goes
All my nice clothes (that come from ebay or charity shops) are actually stolen from high end shops

The only reason I moved away (to get away from all of this) is because I'm on the run from the police

All told by my narcissistic mother who I'm nc with

Loving these stories, some people really do sound completely bat shit.

Not sure mine really qualifies, but here goes. My weight fluctuates quite a lot, think between size eight and size twenty two.

I'm also always friendly and outgoing and like to chat to people.

Our close has shared spaces for which we share the cost of maintenance and hence have an annual meeting to approve accounts etc. DH and I usually attend together.

One year, people seemed really distant and unfriendly.

Discovered moths later that they did not recognise my size eight self and thought DH had turfed me out and imported a 'young blond popsie' to whom they were being cold and unfriendly.

I suppose I should be pleased that they tried to show solidarity.

A colleague once decided that I had a daughter. No IDEA where that came from (happily childfree and never mention children). If anyone's made up rumours about me I've never heard of them 😥

That I am an active member of the BNP

That I was a satanist. Even teachers believed it 😞

I was selling sexual favours at work and ended up in an investigation
I did point out if I charged and did as much as they were saying I wouldn't need to work there

Exh told anyone who would listen I was a prostitute.. Reported me to Benefits because I was living beyond my means.. Jewellery and a car.. Which my dm bought me for my 40th.. And to dc's school that I had died! Had to get a court official to ring them to confirm I was indeed alive enough to collect dc from school..

I am apparently dead, and buried in the bog (we're in Ireland) by my husband. This is because I spent two years away in the UK caring for my terminally ill father - then, when I got home to Ireland after Dad's passing, Covid hit, and I didn't go out enough to be 'seen'.

The part that amuses me is that no one has thought to go to the Guards about my possible murder. There are just whispers about DH having disposed of me - it's all a bit Banshees of Inisherin :)

Everyone including my own family think I don't have a job 😂

I work freelance from home (every day) but because it's obviously flexible they all think I only do a bit of work occasionally for a bit of pocket money.