What's the weirdest rumour you've heard about yourself?

[Duckafuk]

I'll start, I have just heard that I'm a gold digger who seduced a well off older man ( possibly a widow) so I could live off him 😳
In reality I've been with this poor victim 34 years, have 2 adult kids and yes while we are comfortably off that's because we both worked bloody hard and now that DH is retired I still work PT.
I heard this from the friend of a woman who has set her cap at DH.

I find this both hilarious and batshit and firmly set the record straight.

Anyone else heard a crazy rumour about themselves?

That I stole a £70k inheritance that was meant to be split between 7 grandchildren and had bought my house outright with it. Which is a nice fantasy as we still have a mortgage to pay.
Also, in the backroads town where I used to live, I was seen walking down the street with an unfamiliar boy walking next to me so I was obviously a prostitute. (It was my gay best pal from college).

That I'm in MI5. I appreciate that denying it is probably the thing you do when you are in MI5, but I have genuinely never been in MI5 or any security service adjacent role, or even in the Civil Service at all, but the person who was convinced was absolutely convinced, in the end I had to get mutual friends to intervene as he was getting a bit scary with his insistence.

I had loads of weird rumours made up about me when I was at school, but since ive been an adult the weirdest rumour I've heard about me was that I married my husband for his money (he isn't and never has been rich lol) then tricked him into getting me pregnant by poking holes in the condom 🤣 and then left him to look after the kids after getting him thousand pounds in debt 🤣 We still very much live together and neither one of us has ever been in debt before or during our relationship. So crazy what people come up with and it always has me wondering if it's like Chinese whispers and just keeps getting worse or if there's just one crazy person responsible for it all!

My eldest daughter had chicken pox when she was 2, and it left a couple of small scars on her face. There is a person who I don't speak to anymore who is still adamant most likely that she was bitten by a dog.

She said this numerous times, and I would correct her everytime. Only to be met with "I don't know why you're lying about it. It was obviously done by a dog, I have dogs so I know"

Honestly! These scars are so tiny (and OBVIOUSLY chickenpox)

I have a narcissistic aunt who spreads all kinds of stories about me to extended family living in other countries, including that a pregnancy that ended in stillbirth was faked. That was the most bizarre of them all.

Not so much a rumour, but a story about something that actually did happen coming back to me in quite widely varied forms.

We had weird weather once while I was getting a coffee in the parish centre beside DD's school. It was very cold and while I was inside it rained which froze as it hit the ground making super slippy black ice (the kind that you can't tell there's ice there at all). I walked out the door, wasn't wearing suitable shoes and instantly fell on my arse. I had to be helped up because it was too slippery for me to manage it myself. I sat and recovered with my coffee (which I didn't even spill, amazingly) and then went on my way. For about a fortnight afterwards I heard from different people about some poor woman who injured herself in various terrible ways, once I was even an 'old lady' , I was 52 at the time. Mostly they didn't know it was me, but some of my friends did hear it was me and very kindly phoned to see if I needed anything while I was 'off my feet'. All I had was a bruise on my arse, not even a particularly impressive one considering how much it hurt at the time.

My mum told my former neighbours we were absolutely plagued with cockroaches.

Woodlice, mum, woodlice.

My DH niece is beautiful. Think of a 17 year old Grace Kelly.
My husband went to a conference in a European city and she happened to be a student there. As I could not go, he invited her to the formal dinner.
Being 17, she took things very seriously and dressed up like Audrey Hepburn with heels and a long dress. But, as she went from her Uni lessons, while DH was at the conference, she went to his bedroom to dress and make up .
Obviously, my DH's colleagues thought a different story.
I am in the same area of work of DH, and the day after I met some of the men that eere at the conference: as they were clearly embarrassed, I told them that the blond girl they met is, indeed, our niece.

It now turns out that my DH and I are in a menage a trois and that I am bisex...

That I took my previous employer to a tribunal amongst other bizarre things. I got fired from the current job because they thought I was going to do the same to them!

That I was pregnant.

That I was moving country to get away from my mother in law because I didn’t want her to know her grandchildren. (Although I quite like this one so wouldn’t have argued it much 😂)

That my boobs are fake! I'm lucky enough to have boobs that look amazing in a good bra but if they saw me without it, they'd know the truth...

Years ago when I slimmed from a 16-18 to an 8-10, I apparently had terminal cancer. People are batshit. And frequently motivated by jealousy based on the examples in this thread!

When I was pregnant several people nervously approached me and asked if I was okay after my ‘stay in hospital’ because I’d been ‘necking whole bottles of straight vodka’. Luckily it cracked me up more than anything, the girl who’d spread it was very well known for telling tall tales so I doubt anybody worthwhile believed her.

I've had this too! I had 2 different people who didn't know each other approach me around the age of 20 saying that this specific person had gone around saying that I was dead! Apparently she said it because she hadn't heard from me in a while? It wasn't like I was ignoring her or anything. Funny thing is the person spreading the rumour, her mum was friends with my mum so she definitely knew she was making up the rumour herself!

Years after I left a job, l was told that my former boss had made it known that he had slept with every woman who had ever worked for him, including me! 🤮 He was a bit of an oddity and I know for a fact that none of my colleagues would have touched him with a barge pole and l hope people didn’t believe him, but you never know. He also told customers that l had left his employ because l was getting divorced and moving to the Lake District. Pure fiction.

That, despite being an assistant, I would be getting my own projects and a company car.

One of the other assistants confronted me at the pub, and told me all about it. It was news to me.

I suspect it was started by this absolute psychopath, who I stupidly gave house room to when she first started work. She was like something out of a horror movie in her moves to make my life awful, and did everything she could to isolate me at work, started going out with my boyfriend whilst I was on a work trip (obviously he was in this too)..

It was years later that someone said they'd all finally realised she was a nightmare when she tried to screw up a wedding (that of course I wasn't invited to). Bit late, but never mind.

Interestingly she ended up in prison.

I started dating my now husband after I left the workplace where I met him. One of my former colleagues was apparently telling everyone that we started seeing each other while we still worked together.

My kids are 10 years apart. We had a lot of bad luck in between including a late loss (a boy) and various miscarriages - this is relevant for context. There seems to be someone at work who has told various other people that I've got three boys. I don't think it's malicious, they just vaguely remember three maternity leaves, all many years ago now, and not the detail. But I regularly have people asking about the family (1 boy 1 girl) and acting surprised because "I thought you had three boys". I also have a nosy neighbour who initially convinced herself that ours was a second marriage and my eldest was mine from a first marriage and told everyone else this too. She couldn't get her head round the age gap and made the rest up to make sense of it. I'm not sensitive or bothered and happy to put people straight but it's a bit baffling.

I was unlucky enough to have Mumps during my CSE exams. I actually did the first exam and really struggled because I was so hot and my head really ached, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I fainted after about an hour and was taken home. Next day, my face was incredibly swollen and I was diagnosed with Mumps. The school told me that my grades would be assessed and I was excused taking the exams. No problem.

I recovered after a couple of weeks and returned to school for my O level exams only to be accused (by my friends) of just not being bothered to do the exams and that my parents lied to get me off them and that I probably went swimming every day instead.

My fainting and being taken home were just my "setting the scene" apparently. 🙄

These same friends also knew how strict my parents were!

That I had a married lover who paid for my flat and my (pretty ordinary) lifestyle.

That I have been awarded a pay raise with my promotion. In fact I've been given a new title so my company can pretend women are being promoted but was not allowed any extra money for my new duties ( I asked three times!)

That my husband is years older than me but I say he is younger. One of the professionals involved with DS (he has SEN) is adamant that I told her this once. I absolutely didn’t, as DH is younger than me, though not by much. She then queried why I didn’t want people to know that he is older than me. He isn’t older than me and I would never have said he was! He also looks a bit younger than he is anyway.

At school I assaulted someone, threw them down a flight of stairs and broke their arm.
Never bloody happened!

The most embarrassing part of this story is the person who told people told them in front of me in a pub!

And I didn't want to embarrass them by telling everyone they were lying so I only bloody sat there staring at the floor while this tale of the time I was a psychopath was told.

Thankfully I have grown a pair since then but JFC that was something else!

That my daughter is my niece who lives with us for unexplained reasons.

Oh and a less disturbing one I heard I apparently vanished from school in my final year because I got pregnant.

I actually had tried to kill myself and ended up in a mental health unit.

I think I would have preferred pregnancy really. 😁

That I was so jealous of a friend winning an award at work (that I put her forward for!) that I took the award from her and threw it down the stairs at the award ceremony!

The truth - friend got absolutely battered on free champagne for winning her award, and dropped it on her way out! 😂