Ruined Fathers day and feel like shit

[RuinedTheDay]

I went shopping with dd, while texting other dc who were away with Dh on friday night. Booked a meal for tonight. Bought cards and wrapped presents. Gave dd her card. Put other dc card in their room. Updated all dc with plans.

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. Couldn't cancel.it at the time we spoke (late sat night) so cancelled today while I was at work. As we were having issues at work, I failed to update dc. Poor communication on my part.

Dh didnt realise dc knew, so dd found out from him dinner was cancelled. And threw a massive wobbly at me via text at work and is now not talking to me. (Shes 13)

I came home and have cooked a roast. Apologised for my poor communication. Spoke to one ds who got mad, I apologised again, he apologised, all good. Plans were made to gove presents at dinner. Checked in with the eldest dc, checked plans were ok, said right tell your brother we are all agreed, make sure you get buy in from dd (who had given card at this point) as didnt want her saying I hadn't left her out in the communication.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. But that doesnt stop them saying it, but there we go. Hence the upset of everyone.

So I have cooked a meal. Set the table, reorganised plans. Made cute little menus and wrapped the silverware to make it all look a bit special and not a normal dinner. Presents sat in the middle.of the table.

I updated everyone on what i was cooking and when it would be ready. Apologised again for the miscommunication of earlier.

Dh has stopped off for a drive. I said but I am about to serve. He said, well you said 45 mins 20 mins ago. It wasnt 20 mins ago. Anyway I didnt argue cos everyone is obviously feeling a but raw.

So now, table set. Dinner ready. Presents ready.

Noone at the table and we are all waiting for dh.

I feel like shit. All because I didnt let them know I cancelled dinner. Yes, it was a mistake, but i was dealing with a lot at work and I got caught up.

What I see here is you organising everything for everyone. Why?? Your 13 year old is old enough to organise something for Father’s Day without your assistance imo. Seems like a lot of fuss for you when they’re not doing much!!! x

Told dh a meal was booked. He said cancel it as no need. I saw your update that the change was because he'd overspent so didn't want to spend more on dinner when it could be had more cheaply at home. But that change and the subsequent chain of events put a LOT more work on you and you alone to make the dinner as special as was originally planned, and he's still acting like a baby and treating you poorly? Not cool.

Dh upset as apparently only dd said happy fathers day. This is my fault as, unknown to me, they had agreed to do cards and presents at the meal. It's not your fault. You went far out of your way at the last minute to adjust for his overspending and try to make the days very special for him even though it was a lot more work than going out and it all fell to you when you were already busy and distracted. If he made the day miserable and awkward for himself and everyone else, it's because he chose to do so.

Lesson learned for you. Next year do nothing and leave the father to deal with his DC his father's day. Book a spa for you. It is fathers day.
Their celebration their choices.

Stay away of it next year. They sound entitled and spoilt and they have far to high expectations without making an effort themselves.

Definitely book a spa. Do it next day you are off work, spend the money you have saved not going for a meal, and make sure you don't leave any food prepared form them it is time to grow for your little ones. (I'm including here your DH).

Last paragraph is a bit cheeky, I know, but if you can just do it.

Don't mortify yourself and don't apologize anymore if dinner goes cold is not because of you. You have done more than enough.

Think about the Spa. I think is a good idea.

I think you all need to be a bit more low maintenance. Here in our house, get up ,get given card ,little pres job done. Why do people work themselves up to thinking that it has got to be the greatest day of their lives?

They all sound very selfish and you sound like you take far too much crap from them all. Stop apologising.

Eh?

Ours get DH a couple of beers and might or might not say happy father day. He is not bothered about fathers day at all. It is about their relationship 365 days a year not 1 day a year.

Complete fuss about nothing.

What did you mean by 'get paper towel from work'?

Don't keep beating yourself up, the whole lot of them sound like toddlers.....hope you enjoy your roast dinner and give DH's to the dog......

Just curious, did you have the most amazing Mother's Day this year, did DH make a similar level of effort?

Fucking hell what sort of life are you living?!

YABU for going above and beyond and treating Father’s Day like a military operation, spoon feeding your kids with reminders and cards and trying to run the day like a tight ship!!

Your DH does realise by now that you work and look after children, surely?
does he make this level of effort on Mother’s Day?
why did your DH even cancel the meal?
why was your 13 YO so annoyed with you that the restaurant plan was off…at the request of your husband!!
the level if ungratefulness is astounding.
IMO breakfast in bed or just a nicer dinner at home should suffice, you made it sound like Christmas Day at yours.
i would tell my children a week before Father’s Day, then another reminder a few days before. If anyone forgets then they forget!

This bunch of ungrateful twats will never appreciate you. They’ll never see what you do. Your children have learnt to abuse you by watching their father. Not one of them is going to have an epiphany to realise what they are inflicting on you, and what you do for them.

You need to make a stand. Or your life is going to be truly unhappy.

Have only read the OP but it doesn't appear that any of this shit is your fault, don't take any crap.

Spot on OP. Listen to the inner voice that should be telling everyone to F off. Don’t enable them. You r not doing yourself any favours.

All I can gauge from this is your husband and children are spoilt and entitled and have zero appreciation for you. Next year do fucking nothing for any of them.

Why are you buying a card from a 13 year old?
she should be spending her own money, otherwise it’s a card from you that she has happened to sign.

Stop letting them blame you for everything, stop running round after all of them like a servant, and stop apologising. Next year let the dc sort out father's day cards, presents and dinners. The whole lot of them are spoiled, ungrateful and rude.

If I was you OP, I’d book myself a nice weekend away somewhere soon, leave them all to it. They might appreciate you when you’re not there. Seriously, tell them to Foxtrot Oscar.

Sorry OP; it sounds like you have spoiled your family by doing everything for them and apologising for everything.

Wow. Your family sound like hard work. My teens got cards and presents for DH themselves. And DH ended up cooking lunch today as I've been really ill since yesterday. I do feel guilty about that but shit happens.
Tell your kids to sort out Fathers Day next year and you will go out by yourself to avoid this drama.

Twats! The lot of them! Why is this all on you? None of this is your fault.

What alot of fuss over a day? It was exhausting reading that! 😅

I would say most people give a small present (Dad mug, wine, chocs etc), then just do something simple like a nice walk or pub lunch if possible. If you were working today, you shouldn’t have had to cook when you got home if your DH was at home (the idea of Father’s day is being a good dad every day of the year).

They all sound spoilt and the one doing all the work is getting the blame! Give yourself a break!

Sounds like a load of pointless drama and aggro aimed at you. Your kids are old enough to sort Fathers Day themselves. Make it clear that they will have to do so in future.

OP you've had a shit day, working then coming home to rude spoilt brats.

This is not your fault and you need to stand up for yourself and stop taking the blame, though I get the feeling you're the scapegoat that gets blamed for when things don't go the way the spoilt brats and your DH want.

DH got 3 handmade cards from 3 DC (aged 3-8yrs), 3 bottles of beer (they each chose 1 based on how nice the label looked), and we took him out to his favourite breakfast place then he played football with DC on the beach and they 'let him win'.

Stop creeping around your family and grovelling for non issues! You didn’t do anything wrong, why are you constantly apologising to your family? No wonder they take the piss and treat you so badly - you’re willingly accepting blame for absolutely nothing. Just stop!