Advice you’d never share in real life …

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because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

😂😂😂

😂😂😂(but also much sympathy OP)

You've probably saved thousands of women from a similar fate with your wise words. On behalf of us all - thank you for doing such dedicated research!

If you realise mid wee there no toilet paper left you can use both sides of the card roll. I know someone who does this. Because that someone is me

I thought it was just me 🤣

Ah, I wish I could say it was my pleasure.

I can only hope to save someone else from the terrible consequences/ massive clean up operation of my bum trumpet.

That was a reply to ilovemyspace btw..

Oh yes, this is me too. Hello friends.

If you have a vomiting bug and it's coming out of both ends get in the bath to puke.

😂😂😂😂I thank you for your diligent research 😂😂😂😂😂

Or you could just twerk energetically over the bowl and sort of spin dry your foof…… so my friends tell me.

Here’s one for the men in your life ( thanks ex bf for this top tip) .

Always wear a tie at work when hungover as then if you get the vomits you can turn up the end of your tie and vomit into that….. surprisingly watertight apparently.

Bum trumpet... Just thank you for the giggle.

Can't beat that won't try.

you can do your morning wee in the shower to save time

Give your husband/ partner a few slices of pineapple a few days a week. It will improve the taste of his cum 100%.

Get out of a particular church. The pastor is charming and persuasive but you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, how he treats people and what he does with the finances.

Enough to put the firmest believer off church.

I’d be ostracised if I said it to anyone.

First silent bum puff all good 2nd your heading for trouble and need to find a bathroom 3rd you need to be grateful you made it!

@Stickybackplasticbear I only have a shower!!! I do have a bidet next to the loo though so the last time I was very poorly I had to sit Sideways on the toilet and vomit into the bidet.....

Ahem. Gosh. <Shuffles with embarrassment. >

For the sake of the public good, I would like to inform you that having an orgasm is a good remedy for Restless Leg Syndrome. (Tried and tested through first pregnancy.)

Orgasms are also quite good at easing period pain. Just be sure to put a dark towel down first

Will be purchasing pineapple tomorrow. Does it have to be fresh or will tinned work?

It’s hard to get your head around how difficult it can be to say how things really are, within a community wedded to a particular & positive view of themselves / their leader.
but it happens more often than most of us would think, in all kinds of settings & with all kinds of people.
I hope you’re ok, OrwellianTimes x

But yep, in amongst the bum, orgasm, vomit & cum advice, this too is sound guidance…
and what I love about mumsnet is that they can sit alongside eachother, no problem 😌

A musical church on an upside down hill or one that is just surviving?

(To an 80 year old woman of my acquaintance): saying “boobies” males you sound like an obnoxious 12 year old boy. Just say “breasts” ffs.

If you’re in the one office toilet and the toilet won’t flush away your big turd and you know there’s someone waiting and you’ve already flushed twice but it’s very floaty, the sanitary disposal unit is a quick fix solution. You’re welcome. Wash your hands extra well.

You can tip out the entire contents of a tube of Pringles 😥into the passenger footwell, clamp the empty tube between your knees, and projectile vomit into it, whilst in a traffic jam on the M6 crawling in the outside lane at 15 miles an hour.