Advice you’d never share in real life …

[Spink]

because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

When you have the squits , wet wipes helps prevent a sore bottom, compared with tissue paper

Sometimes also dropping extra tissue on it helps to weigh it down

Especially the aloe vera ones.

If you're prone to the odd bout of IBS-D and you've got horrible tummy ache don't think it's ok to power on through and do the food shop.

Don't think you can get away with closing your eyes and catching a quick nap during your child's boring as shit school play because people will notice (particularly if you snore).

If have the squits/are on holiday in a hotel with really rough toilet paper : savlon on the paper to wipe helps a) clean and b) sooth.

Orgasms apparently help with migraines too. Apparently Drs used to 'help' women get rid of headaches with a bit of hand action...

Do a loud fart when an emergency vehicle on sirens passes by 😂

That cant be true ?? @InvincibleInvisibility

If you need to fart quietly, pull your bum cheeks apart.
No vibration, no noise.
Some of the best advice I've ever been given but not exactly some I go around passing on!

It absolutely is. It's how vibrators came to be invented. Look it up. 😎

I prefer codeine for my migraines but definitely pull my bum cheeks apart 😅

You can also have a quiet poo by lining the toilet bowl with paper first to avoid a splash

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteria_(2011_film)

I was about to say clockwork vibrators were invented by the victorians.

https://cvltnation.com/vibrators-cured-hysteria-victorian-age/

Yeah, not quite sure that's the link I would have chosen, but it makes the point. 😁

Never light a fart on fire while wearing corduroy pants.

If you fart in public silently, of course) wait a few seconds before walking off or the fart will waft along with you.

You do realise someone has to empty and clean those bins 😒

@TimeToRecover if you think that's bad, have a look at why chainsaws were invented.

Back to the topic at hand, I have learnt that hair removal cream doesn't work on intent... Doing my legs and bikini line and got some where I didn't want to get it. Thought never mind and gave it a quick wipe, she'll be right, didn't mean to get it there. Let's just say I can see why the moth eaten look has never gained popularity 😂

@TomPinch follows like a vapour trail 😂 DH is an expert at having a vapour trail behind him 🤦‍♀️ 🙄

My TMI advice - if you need to 💩 but find it's not coming easily, lift your arms above your head and hold them in the cheer position with a hand towel while bearing down.

My thoughts exactly. Bad enough for the next woman having to use the bin, let alone whoever has to clean it! Feces belongs in the toilet, not hooked out and put in other containers. Yes, it’s embarrassing to leave a floater, but putting it elsewhere is abhorrent.

I love the delicate phrasing of the op' op:-

"or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc. "

If you're buying Canestan in a farmacia, make sure it's for vaginal thrush, not athletes foot. There IS a difference.

This sounds ouch

And as for fart vapour trails, I swear by a slight bum wiggle to ‘detach’ the trail so I can move away without it following me. Some farts seem … heavier than others and they detach more easily.

Sanitary bins (proper ones) have a shelf, which means you can't see what's in there. It is worth checking that Tommy The Turd has dropped straight and cleanly in - if not, wipe the shelf. They're taken away by companies for emptying and cleaning, and dealing with inco products (including the poo that might escape from them) is all part of the regular service.