Advice you’d never share in real life …

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because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

I dont advise jumping out a window to save your cat from a fox
i now have a full leg cast and the elderly cat was pts 2 weeks later anyway
Its very hard to do most everyday chores whilst holding two crutches

For an easy poo, put your feet up onto the bin. The squatting position relaxes a large muscle in the lower abdomen, and just makes it all a lot easier!

Or, eat a lot of home made kimchi the day before. No so good if you're expecting company in bed that night. I am the woman who farted so loudly that I woke both of us up. He was a bit prim. Oh dear. I got the giggles. Really didn't help the situation!

Nappy / dog poo bags work well for car puking. Although not as stiff as pringle tubes so better for parked puking

I have IBS and bile salt malabsorption, my poos are always no 7 on the Bristol Stool Chart and now I am so sick of thinking I have finished going, then I start a shower and have to keep getting out to carry on poohing, I now just squat and do it in the bath, its just yellow liquid and is easier to clean myself too😬

Leek and potato soup always has the same effect on my husband Refused to eat it if he was speaking at a conference the next day after an urgent moment on a podium ( nearly shat himself in front of 200 people).

This thread is a nightmare 🤢😀

This has made me feel a lot better about having to bid a fond farewell to a pair of pants in the bins in IKEA toilets after their value breakfast led to a surprising follow-through incident in the middle of the photo frame department.

They're emptied and cleaned by a machine- my husband was a caretaker and once asked the guy who collected the full one's who had to clean them.

Absolutely true.

two prunes good, four prunes bad, six prunes very very bad

😂😂😂 @BadgersBum!!

Off topic but that reminds me. Did we ever find out if Dave the millipede got his athletes foot/feet sorted?

They're emptied and cleaned by a machine- my husband was a caretaker and once asked the guy who collected the full one's who had to clean them.

Small businesses might not. We didn't have anyone to clean ours in our last business. The costs might be prohibitive there also. You really shouldn't be putting anything in them other than sanitary products.

I'm glad I didn't have to clean them.

In what situation where you need to fart quietly are you also able to unobtrusively hold your bum cheeks apart????

Also, surely that does not stop the smell, and if you have just ostentatiously held your bum cheeks apart, surely everyone will now know it is you???

I'm not at all convinced that is great advice.

If your knickers fall round your ankles in public, just step out of them, scoop them up into your bag or handbag, say absolutely nothing, do not make eyecontact with the audience, act like it never happened.

For the sanitary bin poo trick: Don't do that. At our workplace some people were putting dirty toilet paper (never mind a full poo!) in there and the people who empty the bins nearly refused to come back.

Stickybackplasticbear · Yesterday 19:19
If you have a vomiting bug and it's coming out of both ends get in the bath to puke.
I have a tiny peddle bin in my bathroom that i put bin liners in, if im in the situation of both ends at once, i sit on the toilet and hold the inner part of the peddle bin with bin liner in . When finished just lift bin liner out replace, tie a knot in the used liner and throw away no cleaning.

If you have a very sore bottom from piles, don't use a stupidly generous pile of sudocrem then wear black trousers to work. Especially when it's a 32 mile round trip to go home and get changed again. And just so you know, Sudocrem doesn't clean off your car seat or your trousers. Let alone your only decent pair of black knickers. It's the work of the fecking devil, that ointment.

Likewise giving toddler bag of dried apricots to stop them whinging at DFs house

new car needed cleaning
car seat almost written off

Your oestrogen levels dip in the week before your period making it harder to hold your wee in, so, um, don't wear jumpsuits that week

Poopourri is a lifesaver. Honesty for someone who is terrified to shit at work or in public it brings me so much joy!

If you want to be seen as active on teams and WFH - open excel, click on a cell, and put mouse on the spacebar. Often I’ll be organising my paper diary, making notes, annotating, or paper planning (screens give me a headache and when I can avoid them I will!) and I’m mega paranoid about being seen as lazy when I’m not.

If you suffer with horrible period pain and your useful cocktail is ibuprofen and paracetamol… buscopan cramps can be taken alongside both and it has helped so much with breakthrough pain and you can get it without prescription. Similarly, period pants have made my period so so much better and if you are considering it - do it!

Also spot patches and spot poppers are one of the best purchases of my life. I also have a tea tree stick which brings me so much joy.

That and a monoject syringe to clean out my tonsils of tonsil stones 🤣

😂😂

It is a bastard to get off stuff, but boy oh boy does it cure many ailments 😂

Just grab a bit of toilet paper and push the offending turd into the U-bend. Job done. Wash hands really well.

Slaistery
two prunes good, four prunes bad, six prunes very very bad

Likewise giving toddler bag of dried apricots to stop them whinging at DFs house

new car needed cleaning
car seat almost written off

A few years ago I ate a whole packet of dried apricots. I stupidly thought that they were apricot pieces. They were indeed whole apricots, and I had just scoffed around 40.

I don't even want to talk about what happened a few hours later 😂

I've not eaten apricots since.