Advice you’d never share in real life …

[Spink]

because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

@Verv I think you either didn't pull the cheek apart wide enough, or alternatively you have a remarkable shape and size of bum hole that can whistle on its own, impressed

I worked with Muslim women who told me this trick about holding your bum cheeks apart - I tried it and it didnt work for me

Why is everyone pulling their bum cheeks apart 😂😂🤣

😂😂😅🤣😂😂

Read this as ‘poo in a bag at the side of the road for life’

During the prep for a colonoscopy don't whatever you do drink any sort of cola. It contains phosphoric acid. Your core body temperature is 37°C. Almost handwash temperature acidic liquid hurtling out of your arse is not a pleasant experience. Hurts like fuck.

Trust me on that one.

However when advising someone you don't like, you could always recommend it.

On the colonoscopy prep theme, a blob of vaseline on the exit door makes everything pass without pain.

When you run out of wet wipes, don't use babywipes. You'll understand why babies don't like it. I have no idea why they make them so stingy, but perhaps because they think we'll ever know.

Also, whenever I have been househunting I sit on the toilet and reach across to the basin to make sure I can have both ends covered at once. Sod supporting a sick bowl - the sick bowl needs to support me.

😲

No idea about migraine relief, but in the Paris sex museum there's an antique version of this, administered by drs for female wellness purposes:
images.app.goo.gl/gccXXxihQBJMptUa6

Or buy a Squatty Potty (or similar). I use a folding stepstool, works a treat!

Only to be used if at home all day.
For a really easy poop.....

Coffee and slice of soda bread toast with butter
About 11am packet of Aldi soft foams
3pm Aldi Indian with mushrooms and peppers or
Mexican with mushrooms, avacado, Quorn or jackfruit?

A 2 pint empty milk container works well for men too. Benefit of a handle too.

I can't understand anyone deliberately throwing up in a sink? Or not more than once anyway! I did this at uni many moons ago and the smell didn't go away for weeks - I don't think it could all clear the u-bend!

Blimey, what did you puke up? Bleach washed down with very hot water and then a few kettles of boiling water should have shifted it.

I can't understand anyone puking into a toilet.
Unless it's your own toilet and you're so OCD that you clean and disinfect it after every use.
The idea of putting my hands and/or face on that... you surely come out with a bunch more diseases.

So where would you vomit? Your head doesn't usually come in contact with the toilet. Your hands probably would, but you can wash them.

I think most people would prefer someone to use a loo to catch vomit rather than a sink.

A lot of booze! But perhaps the plumbing in student halls was somewhat lacking. I've never done it since as I have never forgotten living with that smell.

Totally agree. My face doesn't touch anything and my hands only touch the outside of the bowl. And after being sick you wash your hands super thoroughly anyway!

One from my DH after a recent holiday mishap... don't leave your tube of pile cream stood next to the toothpaste in a dim hotel bathroom...

FYI it was teeth brushing with the pile cream rather than toothpaste on the bumhole, but the advice works either way I feel.

I brushed my teeth with savlon once...realised pretty fast, but unfortunately not fast enough to escape the long-lingering taste of antiseptic!

When you have a number two be careful to wipe front to back . Forgot to do it this morning and had to have a shower .

Never tickle a sleeping dragon. 😁

Also advice I've been giving myself the past couple of weeks. I'd rather be odd than be a boring old fart with no imagination and too much time on my hands. (The boring old fart is actually younger than my boyfriend, but acts a hell of a lot older.) Age is but a number!

Apparently your phone harbours a trillion more times the germs than your toilet seat (maybe not quite this much but it's way up there) and quite a lot more common daily used items have way more germs than your loo. I'm not OCD but actually quite obsessive about clean toilets...now just wondering why I don't clean my phone daily! 🤢

All the germs on my phone have already been on my hands though. Those on the toilet seat and below it sprayed out of other people's exits.