Can I talk to someone about this 'practical joke' it was years ago but it still affects me

[Unfunnyjoke]

Occasionally this pops up again in my mind and I really struggling to process it. It's been 5 years since so I don't know why I can't get over it.

I have been through so much trauma in my life, abuse, the deaths of my children, cancer... you get the picture. I'm usually a person who compartmentalises and just gets on with stuff because there's no other choice, but this feels really different.

My ex and I had been together 4 years, just had our second child (3 days beforehand) our older dc was with family for a few hours while I rested after a traumatic birth.

I was dozing off between breastfeeding and then he nudged me and told me to look at the TV.

There was breaking news on there, and all this awful footage of shit going in in the world that didn't look right at all, then they started on about nuclear threat, said the PM was getting taken to a bunker etc. I messaged the person who had my dc and then tried to call and got no response. I was absolutely terrified, picked up my baby, sobbing because I was terrified she would die and that my older dc would die without me there.

Then the report said that a nuclear bomb was imminent and went off air. I was sobbing and felt sick, started putting my shoes on to run and get my older dc.

Then ex started pissing himself laughing, it was a YouTube video, made to look realistic and that it was breaking news that the UK was getting bombed and we were all going to die.

He had messaged my family member saying to ignore my calls because I needed rest and was worrying about older dc.

He found it hilarious, and I just couldn't get over the cruelty of it.

My ex before him beat me up several times and I feel like I'm over that, but this... I just can't seem to. Every time I think of it I feel sick, the fear of my babies dying after the losses of my older two children..

I can't understand, I've had 'worse' things happen to me and feel sort of OK about that, but this.. I don't know.

Does anyone have any idea why this hits so hard after all these years? How I can try and process what was essentially a practical joke or just make me feel a bit better by telling me what a twat my ex is

I feel like I'm going mad by still being upset about this.

You sound amazing and like you have really made a wonderful life for yourself and raised incredible children.
he sounds like a sadistic little shit.
Three days after a traumatic birth can be a very dark day, you deserved better than that.

It's not about it being 'worse', it's because it was deliberate, deliberately done to you, obviously.

That man really enjoyed exerting power over you when you were at your most vulnerable.

Absolutely all of this

What an absolute psychopathic pig of a man. I hope you will seek therapy OP because that pos has caused you harm. I hope his vileness catches up with him one day, if it’s not already.

The event was made up but the trauma was real. OP you have been traumatised.

I started a new job and on the third day I was treated so badly I left and I am still struggling to come to terms with what happened. It was five years ago now but I relive it quite a lot. The pisser is that I was trying to do someone a favour but it was misconstrued.

I have discovered since that they employed me to replace a leaver and employed another candidate to bring the team up to the correct number. The person leaving then didn't leave and to save any hassle, I was treated brutally to just get me to leave. It has had a lasting impact on me though. My DH had just been diagnosed with C and I was in a very bad place but they didn't know any of that. I was good at my job but the other candidate had an additional qualification - the bastards!

The other employee left shortly after as the treatment meted out to me was not unusual it would seem.

It all hangs in my head and never goes.

I hope, OP, that you have drawn some strength from all of these comments.

That could be your starting point to healing. Talking it through with a professional could be the next step.

It sounds like he's got a warped sense of humour. Most of us would understand what kind of man we were with and what they're capable of and most of us would have realised it was fake and wouldn't have reacted the way you did. However, you have a had a traumatic past and he's a dickhead for not realising how it would affect you as he should know you best. I'm glad you're rid of him OP.

That wasn't a joke, though. It was twisted and evil thing to do to anyone let alone someone who has been through what you have endured
Also, your family member who agreed to ignore your calls must be just as twisted as he is. I'm not surprised you've never got over it, and I don't think you ever will.

I think the trauma you experienced of loosing children, is something that happened through no fault of yours or anyone's, and so terribly sad.
But the trauma your ex caused you with this cruelty was done callously and on purpose, he sought out to hurt you, vindictive nasty bastard, thank god you realised you deserved better!!!
Get some therapy for yourself, keep trying therapists til you find the right one for you.

I started a new job and on the third day I was treated so badly I left and I am still struggling to come to terms with what happened

Sending you sympathy, Hyperion. These painful experiences can be hard to shake off. Have you tried counselling for these horrible intrusive memories? Looks like some useful contacts in this thread.

This makes me want to cry a bit. I had a baby a few weeks ago and i think the most unforgiveable thing about this is he ruined your baby glow. Birth is such a vulnerable time even animals find safe quiet spaces and only birth around trusted people. To make you feel even more out of control and unable to get to your other baby when you were having them feelings is just plain sick and cruel and speaks to a sadistic mind. This person sounds like an absolute idiot but really insecure and a schoolyard bully to be honest. Well done for getting out and raising your girls right. I think writing about this may have made your feelings valid and now you can begin to put this behind you and focus on all them lovely bonding memories you have with your children that a pathetic man child like him wouldn't ever understand.

Because for those 10 minutes you absolutely believed you were all about to die and your child wasn't with you. It's the same chemical reaction as if it was real. I'm so sorry OP. You probably still have PTSD from it.

I'm speechless

Thank you so much for the support.

When he told my family member he said he had played a YouTube video of a news report and I freaked out, he said it while laughing and blamed my hormones, I never corrected any of it because I felt ashamed, upset and embarrassed, so I don't really blame my family member at all.

I can't even put into words how it feels to have the validation that it was cruel and I'm not just some idiot who overreacted to a prank.

I was shaking as I posted this, and then I very nearly hid it as soon as I posted it because I had convinced myself I was ridiculous for feeling this way.

First thing tomorrow I am going to book myself in for some counselling, I'm pretty sure I can get it through my health insurance so should be able to access some help quickly and talk this over irl.

The support is genuinely overwhelming and I am already feeling empowered (sorry I can't think of a better word, I know it sounds silly) and like I actually have something to come to terms with.

I doubt myself and my feelings a lot, I know I can be inclined to over react and often check with MN when I think I'm being stupid, I am so very grateful to you all for your support.

It's not daft. I would be traumatised by that. I've had some experience of psychological/emotional abuse although nothing on that scale and my counsellor has always been validating about it and has said several times that it was cruel and that he really really didn't like my abuser.

He said that he would really struggle to work with someone like that after working with me and seeing the damage done. So he really did empathise with me and I think you'd be surprised at how not daft they would consider it.

I am an expert on trauma-related conditions including PTSD. This trauma was real and has caused you real and lastng mental health issues, you are not being daft. The good news is that psychotherapy is generally very effective in these types of conditions.

Honestly, when I read the title of the thread, I thought you were being a bit overdramatic. Reading your post, I am feeling so sad for you. I was wrong, and you have every reason to feel the way you do. It was traumatic and at a time where you felt most vulnerable. He sounds like an utter twat, even more so with your follow up posts. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you'll give yourself a way to process this properly.
What a complete knobhead wanker. That was just not remotely funny.
Sending you best wishes.

It's so odd seeing him be described as abusive.

I wouldn't have called him that, he was a selfish arsehole, and he did some shitty things, didn't work, did fuck all housework etc, but I've never thought of what he did as abuse before.

My ex before him was more blatant, I knew what it was, and I felt more 'comfortable' with that, if that makes sense, if I pissed him off, he hit me and that was that, I knew what to do to avoid being hit mostly.

This ex was mean, but not violent, bar some shouting, but I did feel on edge a lot more with him because the silent treatment was horrible, and lasted, same as the jibes about the abuse my parents doled out, jokes about how my mother didn't even love me etc.

I guess he was emotionally abusive, but it didn't really register as that.

If I say I got hit then people understand that and it's recognised as abuse. If I say that my partner got moody and didn't talk to me for a day then it doesn't sound all that bad.

I haven't RTFT but have read all your posts, OP.

There are few things I read on here that truly shock me to the extent of being emotionally and physically upset just reading it, but what he did to you has.

I've had bad times in my life and have been mistreated in relationships, but nothing compared to what you recount.

I don't have children, but even the thought of what losing a child must be like numbs my mind with horror, even though I know it's something I'll never experience.

For you to have lost two children and then to be treated with such calculated cruelty by the person who should love and care for you without limit, and just days after you'd given birth, it beggars belief. As to the photo he sent... it's clear just what kind of creature he is.

I'm pleased that you now have a good life with your girls away from him. It's good that you're planning to get counselling. As others have said, what you've experienced was very much a real event, the trauma too, even though the video was fake.

I really wish you all the best.

If I say I got hit then people understand that and it's recognised as abuse. If I say that my partner got moody and didn't talk to me for a day then it doesn't sound all that bad.

People often don't understand unless they've been through it. Emotional abuse can be so insidious and by its very nature makes you doubt yourself. I'm so glad you posted and that you'll get help with processing what he did to you. I wish you and your family all the very best

Thank you.

Unfortunately my girls have to have him in their lives, and he hasn't much changed, but I spend a lot of time building them up to be confident and forthright, to recognise good people and realise when they are being manipulated (great in theory, not great when you need to bribe them to have their injections etc and they tell you they know what you're doing 🤣)

It's not easy to do in an age appropriate way, but thank goodness their are lots of films and books and programmes with strong female leads these days as well which helps a lot. I refuse to allow my girls to be treated the way I have in my life.

I want to thank you all again, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I feel so very sorry that you are tied to this abusive arsehole.. of course it muddles things because your beautiful daughters are a result of your past relationship. But the planning he did to screw with you at what was probably the most vulnerable you could be… fucking hell

Fuck me, that’s actually one of the psychologically cruellest things I’ve ever heard someone do. You thought everyone was going to die. Even though you didn’t, that’s still horrendous.

You are in no way overreacting. I hope you realise that now.

Your subconscious mind, which is all about your happiness and safety, saw that video and - like your conscious mind - was absolutely convinced you and your children were in mortal danger.

Whilst you know, rationally and logically, that this was untrue your subconscious got such a jolt it's not been unable to shake off the belief that you are in danger so reminds you of that shock to this day - not to hurt you but to protect you. A couple of sessions of remedial hypnosis would quickly get that part of your mind to 'stand down'.

Sending the photo of the bed - my god what a betrayal of trust. He's an absolute horrible fucker. You're so strong OP to get away from him. Some talking therapy for your trauma will do you the world of good. That video would be terrifying enough for someone in a strong place in life but for someone so incredibly vulnerable just after giving birth of course it would be psychologically disturbing.

That's fucking awful, you poor thing. He sounds like the worst person on earth.