Can I talk to someone about this 'practical joke' it was years ago but it still affects me

[Unfunnyjoke]

Occasionally this pops up again in my mind and I really struggling to process it. It's been 5 years since so I don't know why I can't get over it.

I have been through so much trauma in my life, abuse, the deaths of my children, cancer... you get the picture. I'm usually a person who compartmentalises and just gets on with stuff because there's no other choice, but this feels really different.

My ex and I had been together 4 years, just had our second child (3 days beforehand) our older dc was with family for a few hours while I rested after a traumatic birth.

I was dozing off between breastfeeding and then he nudged me and told me to look at the TV.

There was breaking news on there, and all this awful footage of shit going in in the world that didn't look right at all, then they started on about nuclear threat, said the PM was getting taken to a bunker etc. I messaged the person who had my dc and then tried to call and got no response. I was absolutely terrified, picked up my baby, sobbing because I was terrified she would die and that my older dc would die without me there.

Then the report said that a nuclear bomb was imminent and went off air. I was sobbing and felt sick, started putting my shoes on to run and get my older dc.

Then ex started pissing himself laughing, it was a YouTube video, made to look realistic and that it was breaking news that the UK was getting bombed and we were all going to die.

He had messaged my family member saying to ignore my calls because I needed rest and was worrying about older dc.

He found it hilarious, and I just couldn't get over the cruelty of it.

My ex before him beat me up several times and I feel like I'm over that, but this... I just can't seem to. Every time I think of it I feel sick, the fear of my babies dying after the losses of my older two children..

I can't understand, I've had 'worse' things happen to me and feel sort of OK about that, but this.. I don't know.

Does anyone have any idea why this hits so hard after all these years? How I can try and process what was essentially a practical joke or just make me feel a bit better by telling me what a twat my ex is

I feel like I'm going mad by still being upset about this.

That's not a practical joke it's a disgusting. I wonder if you've keep coming back to it because you haven't shared this experience with people in real who like all of us here would express shock that someone would do something like this to a post partem mother. It's abusive and vile. It's common, in fact usual for both parents of a newborn to feel very protective and sensitive to the point where normal TV shows can make you feel especially sad. The fact that he felt like doing this to you suggests his indeed some sort of psychopath as others have suggested. I'm so sorry for all that you've been through and so pleased that you left this man.

Wow, that's one of the worst things I've ever read on here. I'd have been beside myself and bloody petrified. I'm so sorry that happened to you and I completely understand that you can't get over it xx

Jesus I couldn’t even finish the last Harry Potter book when I was a new breastfeeding second time mum, you are well rid, that was a hideous dirty trick.

I'm glad he's your ex

What a demented psycho. Nothing remotely funny about it. Thank goodness he's an ex.

My god what an inadequate idiotic man

Sorry you had to put up with that

I‘m not surprised it’s hard to process

Can you get therapy/counselling?

You need help to unpick/process what you've been through

I have been through so much trauma in my life, abuse, the deaths of my children, cancer...

All of those bad life events had one thing in common; you were an innocent, not in any way responsible. You had not made a bad decision or unwise choice that resulted in that abuse, deaths, cancer. No need to apologise or forgive yourself.

Partner was different. You had some choices and autonomy who you made babies with. So you feel guilty, responsible, that you chose a bad 'un, that you failed to see through him in time; that you "should have" spotted some advance warning signs and run for the hills long before.

Well, you didn't. But it;s done, the past can;t be changed.

But then you saw the truth, and took action, and sorted it out. Because you are a strong resilient woman with plenty of experience in survival and getting on with life, and doing the best you can whatever the challenge. You are very good at learning from life's hard lessons.

Stop blaming yourself for a past mistake, stop feeling guilty because he's a bastard. Be proud you did the right thing, took yourself and your children away from him. Forgive yourself, and move on.

Dear god, that is horrific. What an utter bastard.

Remember, you'll have had all sorts of hormones sloshing around as you only gave birth three days beforehand. And with natural post-birth emotions, plus your other emotions coming into play, the whole thing will have stayed very vivid for you.

It may be worth talking it through in counselling, to help you process his cruelty, and move on.

That’s genuinely one of the most horrific things I’ve ever read.

No sane person could do that to any other person, doubly and triply not in those circumstances.

It was outrageously abusive, and I’m not at all surprised it still hurts you.

Have you had counselling? Sometimes these things need sunlight.

I’m glad you’re in a better place now.

Yep, this.

fucking hell. I just cannot imagine how horrific this felt with a new baby. Your hormones go super protective even when there’s no real danger —I still get flashbacks from when I let a much loved and very trusted friend carry my baby down the stairs. (I’d just had a c section, so logically it was a wise decision) as soon as she picked her up, ALL my New Mum instincts screamed no. My friend had the baby in a very secure cuddle and was super slow and careful but I still I remember feeling such visceral fear that someone else was holding my baby.

I’m so sorry this happened to you OP.

He took a picture of your soiled childbed and sent it to family members?

I want him to die in a septic tank.

I’m so glad you are out of this relationship- at first I read it like you were in this right now - I literally breathed a sigh of relief when I read you are now single.

Evil piece of shit, that’s what he is.

I’m so sorry he put you through that 😞 awful thing to do to someone, never mind someone who’s just given birth.

Well done you for getting rid. And you seem like a wonderful mother 💐

What kind of maniac would do that to a new mother who has just gone through the trauma of birth. He must have been an absolute psycopath. That would be enough to give you PTSD.

Fucking hell, what a psychopath. No wonder you are traumatised.

That’s abuse a joke is only funny if everyone is on board.
I have seen similar videos of idiots scaring people on Tik tok about the whole Russia/Ukraine it’s sick

Abusive bastard. That was evil. He psychologically tortured you. And then, no doubt, blamed you for not finding it funny.

I don't know what the percentage is, but a large number of women soil themselves when bearing down to give birth.

The instinct of a loving partner is to shield their partner from embarrassment.

Many women are so out of it, and the midwives quick to clean up, that they never know it happened.

Any woman who has given birth, and any man who loves their partner, when they saw that forward, all they thought is what an utter, utter turd he himself was.

I simply have no words. What an evil lowlife sack of shit this thing is to deliberately cause trauma in this way. I’m so sorry OP. 💐

Hi OP,
That's hard to read. I'm not surprised it's still with you.

If it helps to hear, you're not alone- I had something similar happen to me as a young teen, someone phoned up pretending to be from the police to tell me my family (who were out at the time) had all been killed in a car accident. It massively traumatised me at the time. No exaggeration to say the bottom fell out of my world and I couldn't breathe. I really believed it. It haunted me for years after; I didn't feel able to talk about it because I felt stupid for being taken in and I thought others would think so too. I still do to an extent but these days I feel fuck em and would gladly explain why I'm not the one at fault in the scenario.

That guy, though, was a random pervert getting off on the fear of young girls, who obviously had a great deal missing from his own life to resort to sick shit like that. Your ex was supposed to be the person most supportive of you so I'm sure it was even worse. But remember, the shame is on him, not on you- he's the one with something missing, something wrong. Good people don't do that. You're not unusually gullible, neither of us are- why would you think it's a wind-up when no sane person would ever act that way?

Go easy on yourself.

Thank god he’s your ex! If there’s one thing I hate it’s when someone says ‘it’s just a joke’ because it never bloody is. Maybe you haven’t allowed yourself to process the incident deeply enough (due maybe to embarrassment at being taken in or similar) but I think you should allow yourself to go through all the stages of anger and upset this horrible ‘joke’ did to you. You were well within your rights to be furious and upset.

He's an evil bastard who traumatised you. I'm not surprised you still think about it.

Not just that, but also specifically timed for when OP was "dozing off between breastfeeding" — so, drifting in and out of sleep, probably sleep-deprived, in that half-awake dreamlike state where we are especially suggestible and less able to apply our usual scepticism and critical thinking skills.

Everything about this "practical joke" screams calculated cruelty, a psychological attack on OP at the most vulnerable possible moment. I suspect he's not very bright and wanted to show he can outwit OP, so this was a vicious attempt to bring her down a peg or two and assert what he sees as his superiority, except in order to look cleverer than OP, these were the extreme lengths he had to go to. Same with the bed photos — trying to drag OP down.